Just a story to share

I am back. I have a story to share that is culled from my reality. My in laws are lovely people. They are clinically insane, but very nice folk. About five years ago, my father in law underwent colon reattachment surgery. I always found that term "colon reattachment" surgery to be rather Orwellian. It fails to convey the reality of having the colon detached surgically before the surgeon reattached the colon. That is just me. Anyway, they had been, his proctologist actually, had been moving further up his colon to remove polyps. Aren't you glad that you still are reading. There is a point and story with humor (humour to my Canadian friends) here but I have to set it up. As I do, I am finding the situation funny but uncomfortable so I keep fidgetting in my chair.

The set up point is that my father in law has some colon issues that are quite apparent. Pity my wife as she will need to start going for regular colonoscopies in the near future. At least it is not me. I know that is rather callous but it is true. If i could not feel her pain during child birth, then I realize that I am truly incapable of sympathetic pain. In fact, when she was pregnant, for every pound that she gained, I think I lost a pound. It was a good thing that she did not put on much weight because I would have withered to nothing. Imagine telling the baby that his father was that emaciated rake in the corner. Of course, given my later father's and my present brother's build, it would be seen as genetic.

Anyway, keep the colon thing in mind and consider that I have been having dinners on Friday with my in laws for over seventeen years. In all that time, I have not known my mother in law to make vegetables. She seems to consider pickles, because they are green, to suffice. In fact, when she does make a vegetable, it is made in pudding form. You should not know that it was once a vegetable. She will serve four different kinds of meat but no vegetables. If I had to put her meals to color, gray is the color of dinner there. I mean with that lack of fiber in his diet, it is no wonder they are removing polyps left and right from his colon.

We are over at their place on Christmas Day, 2003. My wife and I go out to find a Chinese restaurant to pick up dinner. We find an authentic one nearby their house. I know it to be authtentic as we were the only Caucasians in the restaurant. One of the dishes we bought was sauteed vegetables.

My father in law opens the container with vegetables and exclaims in wonder, "What do you call this stuff?" I turn to my wife and say, they are mixed vegetables. He then chimes in, "I've never seen anything like this!" At which point I have to shake my head and say, "I have been eating here for fifteen years, I know for a fact that you have never seen anything like that here."

Then they all seem to wonder why he polyps and needed the colon reattachment surgery. I have continued to tease my mother in law about it and the lack of vegetables. Her pat answer is that she never had vegetables growing up or made them as an adult. Broccoli is a foreign body in that household, though she did once use it in some sort of noodle pudding. It was overcooked and looked gray, so it may have been some sort of meat for all I really know.

The only puddings I like are chocolate and rice, and not necessarily together. I wondered what the vegetables did her that she would treat them that way. I could say that I wonder what we did to have food like served to us, but that would be mean. It may be truthful, though.

I do wonder how she avoids the vegetables in the produce section of her local supermarket. The layout is such that the entrance is in the produce area. Does she put on a blindfold so as to avoid an greens? I cannot fathom the whole scene. I mean she is a well read woman but somehow the connection between a lack of fiber, the fiber, nutrition and phytochemicals in vegetables, and such has not seemed to filter into head. Perhaps, she is just afraid of them. I wonder if as a child she was attacked by some Swiss chard. That is right, I am blaming it on the Swiss, now!

I want to thank you all for this forum. You have helped me solve a mystery. It is all the fault of the Swiss.

That is all for today, ciao to y'all.