Another day, another perusal through the headlines

I am back. I have some more stories for you. Thankfully, they are short and in some ways I think that I prefer the headlines. I mean without the story there is more room to make stuff up, stuff that is funny. But before the fun, I saw the headline from the testimony of Debbie Rowe, Michael Jackson's ex-"wife" and mother of his children (uggghhhhh!!!!! shudder shudder! at that thought), at Michael Jackson trial.

"Jackson's ex-wife calls him a great father"

I am sure he is a great father, notwithstanding the dangling of the shrouded in guaze baby off a balconey (but who is counting that incident), it is his actions, read diddling (I love that word) of, with OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN that is in question. Sure, he doesn't diddle his own children, you know what something like that would do to a child psychologically speaking in time. That kind of stuff can cause some great psychological trauma to a child's mind. You carry that kind of shit with you forever, like luggage (thanks Eddie). It is good to hear that he has not been caught doing his "thing" with his own kids.

On the other hand, it is perfectly justifiable to do it somebody else's kids. I mean, to do that to your own kids is SICK but to do it to somebody else's kids is living life. I am joking, though I am seeing it as an attempted Michael Jackson rationalization. It is a scary thought.

Enough of that Michael Jackson, the real reason I brought you all here is this story that I culled off the Internet. It is more a gentleman's spin that I have on this one but it did give me pause for thought. Here goes...

Norwegian Court Convicts First Woman for Rape

OSLO (Reuters) - A Norwegian court has sentenced a woman to nine months in jail for raping a man, the first such conviction in the Scandinavian country that prides itself for its egalitarianism.
The 31-year-old man fell asleep on a sofa at a party in January last year and told the court in the western city of Bergen he woke to find the 23-year-old woman was having oral sex with him.
Under Norwegian law, all sexual acts with someone who is "unconscious or for other reasons unable.

Now a number of things come (oops, sorry for the reference) to mind here. Now, I am assuming that she was performing oral on him. I do not know about you, any women out there MUST think like a guy here, but is there a more pleasant way to be awoken than to have a 23 year old, Norwegian girl performing oral on you? I have to say that "performing oral" does not really cut it with me. It is just not blunt enough so I apologize for using that term and I apologize for being as blunt as I intend to be from now on. But I digress, you could take out the 23 year old Norwegian girl and insert (damn those double entendres) whatever character floats your boat, I was just sticking to what we see factually speaking.

I am sure I speak for a lot, I would say the vast majority, of men here. A guy would, most likely (damn I am uncomfortable using absolute words, not the vodka) NEVER turn down a blow job, whether he is asleep or awake. It is the one thing the unites ALL males. No man turns down getting oral. To quote Richard Jennie, it is sex without having to work. It mixes a male's two greatest pleasures, sex and sloth (or is that 2/7th of the deadly sins, I am thinking add gluttony, envy, pride, wrath and greed you would have quite a party going on there).

Be honest. How upset would you be if that happened to you. You pass out at a party and you are awoken with a warm, wet "kiss". How bad is that? Of course, if it were a guy doing it to a female it may be construed as creepy (I am being generous there) unless he posted the footage on his website and in that case it is enterprising.

It just made me think. I could also envision her getting herself off on him. However, that does not seem likely given the scene as set out, though it is not out of the realm of possibility, unless she were really drunk and had no self control, which would seem to be more of a male thing. Then again, what the hell do I know?

I have another headline and story that I culled. Given that it is Passover I found it really funny.

Birds May Be Behind Exploding German Toads

BERLIN - Why are toads puffing up and spontaneously exploding in northern Europe? It began in a posh German neighborhood and has spread across the border into Denmark. It's left onlookers baffled, but one German scientist studying the splattered amphibian remains now has a theory: Hungry crows may be pecking out their livers.
"The crows are clever," said Frank Mutschmann, a Berlin veterinarian who collected and tested specimens at the Hamburg pond. "They learn quickly from watching other crows how to get the livers."
So far, more than 1,000 toad corpses have been found at a pond in Hamburg and in Denmark. But the pond water in Hamburg has been tested, and its quality is no better or worse than elsewhere in the city. The remains have been checked for a virus or bacteria, but none has been found.
Based on the wounds, Mutschmann said, it appears that a bird pecks into the toad with its beak between the amphibian's chest and abdominal cavity, and the toad puffs itself up as a natural defense mechanism.
But, because the liver is missing and there's a hole in the toad's body, the blood vessels and lungs burst and the other organs ooze out, he said.
As gruesome as it sounds, it isn't actually that unusual, he said.

I left some of the story out but I did have some obvious observations. Frogs as one of the ten plagues was good, but here we have exploding frogs, which would have been supercool. Frogs-good, Exploding frogs--COOL!!

The one thing that I was thinking after reading it isn't "that" unusual. I am even more thankful that I am not a frog (not that I would be aware I was a frog if I were a frog). Funny, but I have never envisioned myself living in my pond, then spontaneously exploding, not to mention having a crow peck out my liver. I like the water but having my liver pecked out and exploding have never been foremost in my thoughts. I cannot talk for anybody else regarding me having my liver pecked out or exploding, however.

I think I have milked the news today. I want to thank all the people and freaks who have made these ravings possible, along with the exploding frogs. Ciao!