Supermarkets, or why write when I have nothing to say

I am back. I have to mention the sights, smells and sounds of the local supermarket. It is a veritable microcosm of society all rolled within the parking lot and aisles of the local supermarket. You can see it all there, and then some.

It all began with a long drive through the parking lot, looking for a parking space. That was ten minutes of my life that I won't be getting back. At least the tunes in the car were good (Arcade Fire for those interested). It was sunny so it was not too bad until I got stuck by some wide ass pedestrian. She seemed to think that walking in the middle of the row, with a car moving behind her, was a good idea. All she had to do was move to the side, that I could have waited for, but no, she has to walk down the middle. I was starting to wonder what was the proper speed at which to launch my Matrix into the crack of her more than ample ass. Anybody with an answer to that question, any engineers or physics teachers out there, please let me know. I guess it really is akin to how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

I finally found a spot, not in somebody's ass, and parked the car. I got me a cart and went in to the supermarket. There were actual people there. I am picking some cherries when I am jostled by the purse of some older woman, there with her husband. She is squeezing into pick cherries and strikes me, accidentally I think, with her purse. Does she say anything? Of course not, I am like a fucking mannequin to her. Then she starts bitching to Saul, her poor husband, that she feels she is wasting her time as SHE will not be eating the cherries. I almost lost it. I won't be eating the cherries (I am not a fan of fruit with its or seeds that I have to deal with. I subscribe to the lazy guys guide to fruit, I do not like food I have to work for, which explains why eating is well down on my list of things to do. I like ribs but the thought of getting my hands all messy eating them, turns me off. I got that one from my father, unbeknownst to me, as his friends loved to take him to eat ribs to watch him try to eat them with a knife and fork. No wonder I am so screwed up, but I digress.) The old biddy did not hear me bitching to her or Saul about that. I was tempted to "accidentally" toss one of my cherry rejects in her general direction (she did come up to my arm pit, which will lead me to another observation).

I gather my produce and I am picky. I am now beside the produce stocker (stalker?) and I notice that he, like many of my fellow shoppers out there in supermarket land, has no problem leaving the house without deoderant. I am struck by the smell of this guy. I am not sure if the fruit is rotting in the display or he his. It is like stinky guy at the club, whom I have not seen in a while (I guess when I said "smell ya', later" he got the message). I was struck by the juxtaposition of opposites here. They are trying to sell fresh produce but their employees are a little too ripe to be displaying. I was considering hosing him down with produce hose but thought better of it. (Why is it always "better" when I don't follow my darker impulses? I am thinking that I have to do something like that, but I need somebody with a camera to catch the scene on tape or digitally record it, that way the State has good evidence with which to prosecute me). It seems to me that the owner of the supermarket has a vested interest in how his employees smell. I mean there is no reason for him to smell like that unless his uniform needs a good cleaning and which case just DO IT!!!

I have hit smell and sight. I did see something else that struck me in a funny sort of way. There was an Islamic couple. He was dressed in his loose fitting, white, cloth garb including turban type thing on his head. She was in a black burqua complete with eyeslit. I thought it funny in a Western black hat/white hate, bad guy/good guy way. It just seemed to signal that in their culture men are good and women are bad or evil. What is up with that? I guess anything to justify an "honor" killing.

That is all as I am boring myself right now. I hope all my American friends had and have a great Memorial Day. It is beautiful here so I may actually venture outside just to feel the sunshine on my face and hope to avoid the dreaded melanoma. On that happy note, ciao.