Why oh why?

I am back. I had another vexing thought (I think that I am throwing around the word "vex" just a bit too much lately, but what can you do?). Why is that the favorite mode of aliens examining humans is the anal probe? What do they hope to find poking around a human's body through the asshole? I am just confused by this. I mean if they want to know what I eat, just fucking ask. I do not need a probe up the ass to tell you what I had for breakfast. Of course, that assumes I remember what I had for breakfast, let alone where.

That gets to me to wondering if my father in law's doctor is really an alien. I mean with all those "colonoscopies" and "polyp removals" it sounds an awful lot like anal probing. I may be on to something here. Then again, I may just be a moron or at the very least a guy who has finally broken with reality. I have to stop listening to those damn voices.

I should become a mad scientist. I think it would be cool to devote my life to trying to take over the world with some diabolical scheme. At the very least, my life would have greater meaning. I do not want to sound like I am having some sort of existential crisis (I am but I have been in this state since I was at least six, I just do not recall much from before that). I figure ANY purpose, even it is evil, idiotic and wrong, is better than ennui (look it up) and the feeling of no purpose. Good that thought just passed, back to fun.

For the mad scientist gig, what would I need? Lab coat. I wonder if it is better to have a clean, pristine lab coat (I think that would make me look more like an anal, damn if that is not the recurring theme of this post, scientist) or one that is wrinkly and splattered with stuff (I am thinking about blood, human, animal, either way, or chemicals, I mean a urine stained lab coat says "homeless" scientist and that would get me neither respect nor fear. It would get me an uncomfortable embarrassment but that is pretty far from the effect I am going for here.)

"Crazy" or "zany" hair style. I mean to really look the part I would need a proper hair don't. It is usually some variation of unkempt hair. The look really depends upon the texture of the hair, so those with coarse, wiry hair (like pubic hair on your head) would have that hair all over look (think Einstein). It is one of those things that with mad scientists, they have neither the time nor inclination to really put time into making their hair look nice. I do wonder how they were as children, listening to their mother's yell at them to comb and/or brush their hair. This may be where a comb over can come in handy. I will conduct a focus group of two (wife and child) to get other traits.

Rubber Gloves and/or dirty hands. I guess that obsessive hand washing is not a trait of mad scientists. Rubber gloves, I am hoping that Playtex gloves were not what was meant, because that is just silly and looks more housekeeper like than mad or science.

Black, wiry eyebrows. Again, it is back to eyebrows and I would use the same reference to pubic hair here. I guess Brezhnev would have had that good mad scientist look that you need. Come to think about it, he did have the mad, ruthless and diabolical stuff down pat. Just ask the people of the Soviet Union and all their "happy" satellite states.

I heard such terms as "old", well that is a matter of opinion. Would a "young" one actually be an overachiever? He went mad at such a young age, when I was his age I was still sane (or is that just less driven). I am not sure about that one.

Scrawny. I guess eating comes down on the list. You would have to be obsessed with the end prize, world domination, so eating would not seem so important. You could eat when you achieved the stated purpose. I could go the scrawny route for my art. I am willing to make that sacrifice.

All in all, I say this mad scientist thing could be doable for me. Any thoughts? Tomorrow, nutty professors. Ciao.