OCD the new religion?

I am back. I have one revelation to discuss today. My neighbor's father died yesterday and the funeral was today. My wife had me drop a pitcher off at her house for use after the funeral. It is Jewish ritual that when one comes back from a cemetery, they wash/rinse their hands before entering the house. I had to explain the purpose of the pitcher and something dawned on me. There are numerous references in Judiasm, during many holidays and rituals, that involve the washing of hands. I am wondering if this is not a religion whose rituals are all based on OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). Just a thought.

I have to go check the stove to make sure it is not on and should really wash my hands again. Ciao.

Odds and Sods

I am back. I was just reading that some dead woman in Brazil was shot while in her casket. Apparently, gun fire broke out between the police and a drug gang during this woman's funeral procession. The relatives were rather upset. It is kind of funny considering it is not as if they could kill the woman again. She is already dead, so better her getting hit than somebody who was alive, or would that have been formerly alive.

I see that Blondie and Dagwood are celebrating their 75th anniversary. Is that 75 years of being excruciatingly fucking unfunny? That is how it looks from this chair. It is really the only chair that matters as it has my butt imprints in it. It is a simple criteria that I have, if it has my butt imprint then it is only thing that matters. My son has my butt imprints on his back. Don't ask, but it was an unfortunate accident. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

I think those are my two important observations of the day. Enjoy. Ciao.

Revenge!

I am back. I see today that the Millenium Bomber got 22 years in prison. First, I must say his title "Millenium Bomber" is all wrong. He is getting credit for something he was, thankfully, unable to pull off. He is the Millenium loser. Besides, without his failure in 1999/2000, I do not think that the atrocities of 9/11 could have been pulled off. I am sure there would have been an increase in security at airporst, (airports, I really need a spell checker or at least use it) then. Do you really think that the US would be so stupid as to not hassle swarthy looking US Visa carrying Arabs at that point? I do not.

I was also thinking that 22 years is quite generous. Perhaps it should be 22 years in prison but that he be bolted, no nailed, to a concrete wall. I do not want any arteries or veins pierced. Just his flesh and muscles. It would hurt but he is certainly deserving.

The guy who killed Theo Van Gogh in Amsterdam was also sentenced. He is an unrepentent little fucker. You can change their beliefs so it seems the only option, other than an execution, is a lobotomy. Lobotomize the fucker. Send the needle up his nose and mix his fucking brain like a milkshake. Leave him as a drooling vegetable! Not a happy thought but a vengeful one, so it works for me. Do it for Wanda! I am sure that fucker would have eaten Kenny's fish Wanda, so Revenge for Wanda! (reference to a Fish Called Wanda with John Cleese, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Kline and Michael Palin).

These must be tales of revenge. I have another news story for you involving revenge. It is also a matter of really wondering what your plumber is actually doing. This is from Reuters.

Plumber takes a leak, doesn't fix it
Wed Jul 27, 8:24 AM ET
A British plumber was fined and given a community service order Tuesday after being captured on hidden cameras urinating into a vase in a customer's attic and pouring the contents into the central heating system.
Roy Williams, 47, was caught in the act by trading standards officers who had rented the house in Leatherhead in southern England and rigged it with cameras as part of a sting operation to check on tradesmen.
The plumber had been called out to fix a simple fault but instead missed this and charged 203 pounds for unnecessary work, Steve Playle of Surrey trading standards told Reuters.
Williams then urinated into a vase, poured the urine into the hot water tank and rinsed the vase in the cold water tank.
The plumber denied the charges, claiming he had a medical condition which meant he needed the toilet regularly and had been overcome by the sound of running water.
He was sentenced to 150 hours community service by Guildford Crown Court on charges of deception and making false trades descriptions, and was ordered to pay 3,778 pounds in fines and costs incurred cleaning the water tanks.

It does make you wonder and make you think twice before drinking from the tap. That is one class dude. I guess he had Uromyceticis and could not prevent himself from urinating. Jerry tried to use that excuse to get out of a ticket for peeing in the underground parking lot of the mall but it did not work. I was also thinking that if you have a weak bladder and the sound of running water really makes you have to pee, then perhaps plumber is not the best choice of vocations for you. It is not as if the job does not entail encounters with running water. It seems to be part of the job, but that is just me.

On that happy note, I have to drain a kidney, so ciao!

Reason Number 6 why I have no interest in being a farmer

I am back. It is fun with fonts day today. I bet that you did not even know that there was a day for that. I'll let you in on a little secret, I made it up. I am just screwing around with various fonts on these postings, so today I feel Lucida Grande. I think I ordered one of those at Starbucks the other day. Damn you, charge me two bucks for a cup of hot water filtered through dirt. It is a good thing that I am hooked on caffeine because if I wasn't I would raise a stink. Those who know me know how stinky I can become.

That really did not come out well, but that is okay, the joke is on me, so no harm, no foul. This does give you some idea of what I have in mind for today....not much of anything. I miss over a week of postings and go for my second day in a row and I have got nothing to say. I know that is not why you keep coming back, so I am now thinking that the joke is on you. I am sorry for pointing that one out.

I did read where some farmer in Croatia was killed when his cow fell on him. Apparently, he may have slipped when was trying to hook up the milking machine. It may have startled the cow causing her to slip and fall on the farmer dude. That is not the way I hope to go. I would have liked to see the video tape on that one though. The sight of a cow slipping is funny enough but add to a guy slipping beforehand and having the cow slip, fall and land on him is fucking hilarious. Now, I do not want him dead but it is hard not to laugh. Like Homer Simpson said, "It is funny because I do not know him." If it is good enough for Homer than it is good enough for me morally speaking. So now close your eyes and imagine the whole scene, guy slipping and falling (funny on its own), cow slipping and falling (funny on its own) and cow falling and crushing guy who slipped first (hilarious). That is not me talking those are the rules of mathematics.

Do not write to complain to me that I am sick. That is math talking and you cannot refute that shit with your damn morality. Numbers know no morality! I guess this just goes to show you why I am not meant to be a farmer. I just have no interest in meeting my maker by having a cow fall on me. Of course, if somebody were to drop one from the sky or an office tower, it could happen to me, so you never know.

I was just thinking. What if the farmer dude had been to a psychic who predicted this type of death? Does he walk out of there laughing or believing? Just a thought to ponder for all of you this evening. Think of it as homework. Ciao.

Where have I been?

I am back. I guess that is all you need to know. I have some time for the next couple of weeks so my postings should be very regular. I am trying to think about what to say for today, and I have not quite hit the nail on the head. I will, though,

I have not been able to access my Hotmail account since Friday. I am not sure what I have done to offend Bill Gates but he has put the kibosh on my email activities, for that particular account, since then, the bastard! You do get what you pay for so I have little reason to complain, but complain I shall. I depend on that shit and I expect it to be working when I need it. I would sue the bastard for all that he has but I have no place to put it, so what is the fucking point? I am just gonna go get drunk. That seems to solve everything for me. Of course, sobriety is only a matter of time, but I can avoid that by drinking more. Who's with me? Let's go!!!!!

I did have a posting about a journey, Chris's, to Disney World with his family in July. He did learn that there is nothing quite like spending hours lined up in the hot Florida, July sun with the humidity, standing around for an hour to take a spin on a ride that lasts four minutes, max. All in the name of introducing your children to a six foot rat. If that does not tramautize and warp a child, I do not know what will.

It got me to wondering if the Tragic Kingdom somehow leads to serial killers. I know that it is a huge leap I am taking but hear me out. I am wondering if Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and the BTK killer in Kansas, whose I name I do not recall but he was a good church going family man had spent any time in these places before they killed for the first time. I mean that is seeing humanity at its worst, or at least weirdest (Grown adults wearing mouse ears, or a Shriner's fez, is pretty damn weird, but that I am not being too subjective).

Picture it. A guy gets stuck wearing those damn ears to please his family. He is made to look like a fool but instead of killing his family, that is just bad manners and would mean that his mother done brought him up wrong, has to let that rage loose on innocent, or maybe not so innocent, strangers. I can see it. I mean, momma did not raise no family killer, she did sew the seeds for a serial killer, but that is okay. They raised us differently back then.

About that BTK killer dude. I was reading that his wife did not know about his killing nor did his two, now grown, children. John Wayne Gacy's wife once complained about the smell in the basement (rotting corpses do tend to smell for some reason) but he explained it by saying a freezer they had was broken and some meat was rotting. Of course, he neglected to mention how he sodomized the young lads before they began their journey into decomposition. Details, details.

Well, anyway, I just say these things as a bit of a warning, in case my wife is able to talk me into taking a family vacation at the Tragic Kingdom. You are all put on notice! Ciao!

Communication lesson number 1

I am back. I am not sure why, today of all days, but I did have a question to pose. I am just unsure as to how to interpret this sequence of events. What does it say? I have my opinions but I don't know shit, as I have proven time and time again. That, of course, does lead to a very eclectic life experience, so I am not really complaining.

Here, it is. What do you make of this? You have a women who calls her daughter to call her son to tell them where dinner will be. Keep in mind that there is no obvious tension or negative interaction between mother and son. I just find it odd, that a one step process, a phone call to a non-estranged, but very strange, adult child, had to be turned into a two step process that involved a call from mother to daughter and then daughter/sibling to son/sibling. What is up with that?!!!!

I am thinking that there should have been more steps involved just to set a up a real, live broken telephone demonstration using real telephones. What would the message have become and how good is the direct or indirect communication there? Scary, huh?

Gotta run so ciao and enjoy the moment!

Isn't it funny?

I am back. I have not been as diligent with my postings as I should but I have been taking a course so I have not had as much time to devote to the absurdities in life. In fact, I did not know about the bombings in London until I was told of them in a classroom. Be that as it may, I have a couple of days off before embarking on the next phase, so this is what I found today.

Woman defies driving ban, saves husband?
RIYADH (Reuters) - A Saudi woman defied a ban on women driving to get her husband urgent medical help after he collapsed at the wheel, Al-Watan newspaper said Tuesday.
It said the couple was driving from the eastern city of Dammam to the capital Riyadh Sunday night when the man started having trouble breathing and lost consciousness.
His wife, who had learned to drive on trips to the desert, jumped behind the wheel and drove 10 miles down the motorway to a gas station where he was treated.
Women are banned from driving in the conservative Muslim kingdom, where religious scholars fear it would encourage them to mix with men outside their family. The ban is enforced in cities and on main roads but often flouted in rural areas.
A proposal to ease the ban was blocked by the kingdom's consultative Shura council in May and the powerful interior minister, Prince Nayef, said the issue is not a priority.
Arab News daily reported Sunday that a Malaysian woman, who was unaware of the prohibition, was involved in an accident in the holy city of Mecca after she lost patience waiting for a driver and drove off by herself.

There you have it. I am guessing that eventhough her quick action did save her husband, she is in line with a good stoning or at least some lashes. This is the Wahabi way. This is also the place where religious scholars ban premarital sex as they fear it would lead to dancing. Love those Saudis I say.

I realize that it is not too absurd, but it does let me vent at their blatant hypocrisy. I am starting to think of their circular logic to explain themselves and I can feel my blood pressure rise so I have to move on.

Here is another crazy cat lady story. I just love it.

Elderly woman in U.S. hoards more than 300 cats
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - About 300 cats, nearly a third of them dead, were removed from an elderly woman's Virginia home after neighbors complained of a stench coming from the house, police said on Tuesday.
The house, less than a mile from late President George Washington's historic Mount Vernon estate, looked neat from the outside with manicured lawns and bright flowers, but inside it was overflowing with wild cats, feces and urine.
"Cats were coming out of the cabinets and drawers and were inside the walls. There were hundreds of them," Fairfax County Police officer Richard Henry told Reuters.
He said animal control officers removed 273 cats -- 86 of them dead -- over the weekend and slapped a condemnation order on the door of the house. The woman, her husband and daughter were told to leave.
Later on, Henry said, the woman returned and attempted to smuggle an additional 30 cats from the house. These animals were confiscated, bringing the total to more than 300.
Ruth Knueven, 82, was charged with failing to care for her animals and of improperly disposing of them. Dozens of dead cats were found in plastic bins around the house.
Most of the cats were inbred and sick and were unfit for adoption, said Henry. "These were feral cats who were given free range of the house and almost all of them will, unfortunately, have to be put down," he said.
Two weeks earlier, a 58-year-old woman in nearby Falls Church, Virginia, had her home condemned after neighbors complained of an overpowering stench coming from the property. She had hoarded 88 cats and 29 of them were dead.

How can she be charged with "improperly disposing" of her cats, the dead ones? She did not dispose of them at all. It is a lack of disposure as opposed to improper disposure. How could her husband and daughter live there with the smell of dead pussy, er I mean cat? I just do not get it. There has to be a cut off point at which if you own more than say five cats, then that is an absolute sign of insanity and an immediate stay at the local sanitarium. There they will be taught how to deal with cats.

I have to figure that the dead cats are really easy to take of. I mean they don't shed much and can provide nourishment for the live cats, so it does save on food costs. I can make the case for the dead cats as pets. It is not as if you have to walk them or even let them in the house if the weather is bad. They won't scratch the furniture either, so those are some positives. Okay, the smell of decomposition could be a problem. I wonder if you could just place them in a litter box. Then again, with 300 cats, I am thinking the whole house was one big fucking litter box.

Oh oh, the neighbor's dog is taking to me again, I have to run. Coming Sam! Ciao!

Another nasal observation

I am back, but it will be short and sweet. I was taking public transit, which obviously was my first mistake, and I am sitting quietly on the bus. The next thing I know my nose is hit with a smell so strong my eyes began to water. I look up to see a guy, of undetermined ethnic origin, standing there. Man, this guy stunk!!! I am thinking he is of a race of super stinky people who are attempting to take over the world with their odors. A skunk would have been preferable.

It got me thinking that a prerequisite of taking public transit should be the use of deoderant. It should be a shower, with SOAP, but that may be asking too much. Please do not ride public transit after bathing in the River Ganges.

That is all. I am so tired that I will just read and pass out. Ciao!

My heartfelt apologies

I am back. It was a beautiful weekend around these parts, at least as far as I can recall. I took yesterday off and there may be more gaps in this. I had something to say or reveal but I have forgotten what it is. I gotta write this stuff down when it comes into my head. Live and learn. Live, in any event.

I have to give you something all to ponder before I am done here. I will troll the world around me for something. I have to be honest. I have got nothing. Sorry, to waste your time. That is typically Canadian, the apology. I apologize because I am Canadian. Ciao

I just had something to say

I am back on this Canada Day. We can all thank that damn good for little actor, Tom Cruise, for this. There he is ranting to Matt Lauer on Today about psychiatry. Who the fuck is this midget pissant to denigrate a profession that involves more education than he can ever achieve? I was not so bothered by him weighing in on Brooke Shields/Paxil/Post partum depression. I figure that with "Suddenly Susan", Brooke Shields owes us all something, so.....

Tom may, I repeat may, have a point regarding Ritalin and Adderall and Attention Deficit Disorder and children. Unfortunately, our Scientologist friend who pisses on all those who would dare criticize Scientology as being ignorant to what it is all about falls into the same intellectual (can I use that word and Tom Cruise in the same sentence?) trap. What the fuck does he KNOW about psychiatry, brain chemistry, behavior and mental health? Given his "performance" on Oprah (the jumping, professing his "love" for Katie Holmes--me thinks the dwarf doth protest too much) and with the guy who squirted him (which, though somewhat cruel, his reaction was hilarious), you do have to wonder about his mental health. A little thorazine could go a long way to helping him (or at least me/us).

Think about it. Here is a guy who has been acting since his teens. How much formal education is he dealing with? Not that formal education is the be all and end all. I know too many people with formal education that are complete morons but that is beside the point. He does not know shit and should not comment on it.

I can say that perhaps there has been an increase in ADD diagnoses and the use of medication to suppress it. I have questions whether all the cases are proper cases and that kids are being medicated to be less disruptive in a classroom setting for the benefit of the teachers (enforced conformity). I do worry about that. I worry when teachers and schools are making the initial diagnoses. They are vested in the decision so there is a reasonable apprehension of bias there. However, the condition does exist and is not conducive for a good classroom experience if untreated or ignored.

That being said, who is ACTOR Tom Cruise to wade in on this issue? He fucking acts for a living. He purports to be an ENTERTAINER. He has no connection to science or really anything of significance. I say that because in truth, his acting work is really disposable. He has done little of consequence as an actor. He is not cut from the same acting cloth as a Peter Sellers (odd choice but he was the answer to Final Jeopardy last night), Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Gary Oldham, Peter O'Toole, James Stewart, etc. and I would even add Val Kilmer. He may draw people to the box office (not me, btw) but that does not make him good (see Sylvester Stallone).

I think he needs to be brought back to earth because his head has gotten too big. That is odd considering he now looks like a huge melon on a five foot stick, but that is not my problem.

The final point is that actors, who pretend, for a living, should not show their ignorance and talk on things they know shit all about. I do not care what the teachers at his Scientology retreats have to say on the subject but if he is just going to regurgitate their drivel, then he is one ignorant fuck that should be ignored. That is of course after being squirted in the face, the choice of liquid is yours to make.

Have a great weekend and ciao!