Mother's Little Helper Inventor Dies

I am back. I have more bad news. It is like I am the guy that announces death. It is creapy but kind of cool. Anyway, Leo Sternbach (97), I think that is how you spell his name. died. Who is he, you ask? He is the dude that invented Valium, the little yellow pill that made Hoffmann-LaRoche famous (along with the "accidental" discovery of LSD). You know the pill made famous in the Rolling Stones song, "Mother's Little Helper". There was a pill that made many a late 60s/early 70s mother able to get through the day.

It is amazing that we need drugs to deal with reality. I am not passing any judgement here, as I have been known to imbibe and drink as much as the next guy. I have come to realization regarding my drinking which I will not share right now. In any event, I understand why I like to be drunk. By the way, I am a happy drunk, so I am good drinking in a social setting. I am not an ugly, aggressive drunk. Those people scare me. I had a friend like that and it was not a pretty sight. I did not know if I would have to cover his back and throw down the fists or not. The biggest problem was that you end up fighting, or not, because of a perceived slight or insult. I hate fighting over a mere misunderstanding. You always look like an idiot after or at least feel like one, or I do anyway.

The other major reason for recreational drug use in my life is because I find my own reality to be somewhat surreal. Life seems much more tame and not quite as disturbing when I am under the influence.

The strangest buzz I ever had was when I had my hernia operation. It was done under a local not a general. After a sleepless night in a small, strange bed, I had to wait until the afternoon for my operation. I was not able to eat. Then I got a 10mg Valium, blues for those playing the game at home, and put in the pre-op room where I dozed off (duh!). Then they give me shot of demerol. I was flying though just dozing in and out. The next thing I know
I am being walked to the OR. I pass out again, then awaken to feel the weight of the instruments on my stomach and feeling some tugging. I was up for good then. That was surreal!

I think in honor of Leo Sternbach we should all down at least a 2mg Valium (white), though 5s (yellow) and 10s (blue) are available, and enjoy the weekend! Ciao!

Don Adams is dead!

I am back. I am playing fun with fonts. I did not have much to say except what is up with Death these days? I just found out that Don Adams, the guy who played Max Smart on Get Smart, died. I am thinking there is something greater going on here. Two of my favorite television shows as a kid growing have lost their stars. I loved Get Smart (Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, James Bond type spoof) and Gilligan's Island. Now, Bob Denver, who joins John Denver, and Don Adams are dead. What is up with that?

I think that I am getting older and closer to death myself. It now comes back to that phantom "death" car that I saw a few weeks back. Those old folks were in no apparent rush to get to where they were going even though Death is really pursuing them. I guess I may not be that far behind. It is not time for all of you to contemplate that one. Have a good one. Ciao!

The comb over hall of fame, or is that shame

I am back. No news stories today just something true but not my observation. I have a friend with whom I play basketball. At the game last week, he mentioned that he was at the U2 concert (one of four shows). He had third row floors and saw quite a show. I have to say that I saw U2 on the ZooTV tour back in 1992. I thought that it was outrageous to spend $50 CDN on a ticket then. After I saw the show, I realized that I got my money's worth. It was a great show.

In any event, being this close to the stage, he saw something very disturbing. Bono has his hair grown long in the front and brushed back. The only problem is that he is going bald in around the crown of his head. The man, the rock legend (I do not know why I used that term because it sickens me to do so) has a fucking comb over. Give up the ghost, Bono. The Edge had done that years ago, hence the short cropped hair and those dopey caps.

I was so disappointed to hear that one. Of course, this comes from a guy with a great head of hair, but I am not complaining, just reporting on the ugly truth of it all. I am just the messenger but remember Bono is trying to fool himself, and the rest of us, with a comb over. How sad. Well enough for today. Ciao!

The adventures of "shirtless leather vest" dude

I am back. I thought that I did not have much to say and I guess that I do not, but there is something that has to be said. I was down at the waterfront on Saturday with the wife and son. It was a beautiful day and we were headed to the Distillery district. Only one problem, my wife suggestted it but when I asked where it was she did not have a clue. We ended up at Lower Jarvis by St. Lawrence Market and walked along Lake Shore. We went the wrong way so walked towards the Island Ferry docks and sat at the edge of Lake Ontario. It was beautiful so not reaching the destination was not an issue. Besides, life is about the journey not the destination.

Think about it. We all know the destination in this life is really death. We are all gonna go. To quote Curtis Mayfield (he of "Move on up" fame) "If there's a hell below, we all gonna go." Happy thought there, huh? Anyway, we know the destination so what makes life, life? The damn journey. The path of life we wind is what matters. You make it whether you choose it consciously or not, but believe me, as if I am the trustworthy or learned one, you do make the choices. To quote Rush "and if you choose not to decide, then you still have made a choice". Who knew how much wisdom there is to be found in North American popular music. De doo doo dooo de dah dah dah, maybe that gibberish has meaning. On second thought, no it does not.

Back to the boardwalk, we were sitting there when a number of people were walking by. I like to watch the people, you know the human freak show. It happened again. I am sitting minding my own business and two women, one toddler and a man pushing the empty stroller walk by. I look at the guy and am taken by his attire. He has on what have to be like a white terry yoga pants (or capris given the length) and the, best part, a leather vest without a shirt. What the fuck is up with that? I said to my wife. I did not say that to my son because he would be too loud and then I would have to defend myself against a shirtless freak in a leather vest. I am not sure how that sort of thing would turn out. I mean I could have doubled over in laughter, which would have meant a sure shit kicking of me, or I could have watched "shirtless leather vest fight me for his honor. Again, I am not sure he could have regained his dignity, at least in my eyes and those are the only ones that count, you know that, by putting a beating on me. I mean he would still be "shirtless leather vest" guy and nothing will change that. How did his wife/girlfriend let him out of the house like that?

I mean if you want to show off your buff arms, by all means. Just don't do it by being "shirtless leather vest". Is that too much to ask? I am not trying to take away his individuality. He just has to try something less absurd. He was a dude no doubt about that. Anyway, I am done for today. Ciao!

I post therefore I am

I am back. I have not been posting with any great regularity lately. I have been busy, I guess, or there has not been enough absurdity in life that has caught my imagination. I know how you all miss it, though. I am thinking that I need a muse. Anybody want to send in a resume to me to be my muse is invited. I will say that the pay would be shit. As I think about it, I mean that literally. Wait! That is not my scene, so just forget the pay part. I guess it is more like volunteer work. It would be good for society, though, so that should keep all you applicants warm at night, especially with autumn and winter coming up.

I changed the comment set up on this blog recently. I was getting tired of spam comments. I do appreciate the initiative of these spammers to find a new way to clog my inbox with bullshit messages. I really do appreciate the effort but I do not want it.

Well, I do have to run, so another disappointing post for you all to chew on before the weekend. Have a great one and I hope I will have some funny things to say soon. I figure that I will because my in laws have sold their house, bought a condominium, and the transactions close early next week. They are moving then, too, so something "funny" or insane is sure to happen. I am betting that if the people who bought my in laws' house do not change the locks on the doors that one day they will come home to find my father in law, confused somewhat by the change in decor, sitting in THEIR family room or in their master bedroom asleep. It is sort of a Goldilocks story, only you substitute a balding, confused but decent, 78 year old man for the blonde girl. Of course, in most circumstances that is not a substitution I would be willing to make, but here it does not seem so bad.

Anyway, more next week. Ciao.

The wood chipper

I am back. Damn those Coen brothers. They have ruined a perfectly inoccuous event like the felling or pruning of a tree and putting the remains into a wood chipper. There I was working in the home office when "BANG" I hear the sound of chainsaws and a lot of banging. I do not think much of it and continue to work. Then there is this loud motor running. I go to the front of the house and see a Hydro truck, wood chipper hitched to the back, two guys and a large chunk of tree in front of my neighbors driveway. The chipper is going and they are feeding bits of tree into it. All that runs through my mind is, "and I take it that is your accomplice in the wood chipper" as spoken by Margie the pregnant Brainerd police officer (played by Frances McDormand, wonderfully). I can never see a wood chipper again without thinking of those words. I do want to be the Dude, though. That is all, ciao.

A message to...you know who you are, at least you should

I am back. This will be short. I have a message to the guy I saw today while at the supermarket. That is a funny word "supermarket". By its name, it should be a super market. I guess in some ways it, in terms of selection, when the items are in stock (where were the regular Lays Stax? The Pringles Light [as if that is going to make a difference, I mean they may just kill me slowly and more painfully in the end]?) but it ceases to be so if the stuff I want is not in stock. As well, the produce, while okay by and large, is not "super". I would like to buy from a real market but who has the time or inclination to drive to the "market", so I will stick with the so-called supermarket.

Here is the message to the older, heavy set guy in the shorts and green mesh tank top, the Village People called, they want their tank top back. Damn, it is difficult to find outwardly gay famous people to reference. I could have chosen Rock Hudson, though he has been dead for like 20 years, so I am not sure how relevant he really is. It was just a thought but it has passed. Well, that was the message, now back to your lives. Ciao.

Odds and Sods, my sop to The Who

I am back. I did not have much to say but that changed. I hope everybody out there had a lovely Labor Day weekend. It was nice up here. My sister-in-law, brother-in-law, neices and nephew were in from Dayton for a family function. That was okay. While at my in laws' house on Friday, my wife's aunt and uncle came to see the kids. At one point, my wife's aunt, whom I have mentioned before with her ability to talk for hours but yet somehow say nothing of interest, starts to tell me about the minivan that her daughter's in laws have with the built in DVD player in the back. I was left to wonder, because it would not be "nice" to say it out loud, though I should have, do I look like somebody who gives a shit? What the fuck do I or should I care about somebody else's choice in vehicles. Who the fuck cares????? The woman is dumb as dirt, but sadly her husband makes her look like a Rhodes scholar.

On to some sad news, Gilligan, Bob Denver, is dead. Then again, I often thought that through his screw ups those seven castaways were stuck on the island much longer than they should have been, his fellow castaways would have done him in. In his defense, he was really the only one who did the hard work. I never saw Skipper or the Howells lift a finger, so fuck them. Then as one gets older the ability to pervert such a wholesome show really takes over. Turn the situation into an "adult" movie and there are many genres and permutations that can occur. I even leave the Howell's involved for those who really like "mature" folk, of which I am not one.

I was just reading that Sherwood Schwarz, who wrote and directed Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch, said that he knew that his casting and idea had greater social implications. Fuck that shit! Those, though I was fond of them both, were two sappy, lousy sit-coms. There were no social implications. Where were the people of color? Oh yeah, the headhunters. "Greater social implications" it was television and furthest thing from art or anything really intellectually provocative. A reality check is needed there.

On to this news story from China. Here it is.

Style-conscious city flags down bald cabbies
Tue Sep 6, 8:26 AM ET
In a bid to spruce up the city's image, authorities in China's Nanjing are banning taxi drivers who are bald, wear their hair too long, have moustaches or wear too much make-up, media said Tuesday.
The new rules are part of a 10-point plan to smarten up Nanjing, capital of eastern Jiangsu province, ahead of October's 10th National Games which will draw viewers from across the country, the Chinese news Web site www.sina.com.cn said Tuesday, citing the Nanjing Morning Post.
"Male taxi drivers cannot have long hair or strange hairstyles, cannot be bald and cannot grow moustaches or goatees," the report said.
"Women drivers must not use too much make-up and should wear appropriate clothes."
The report did not mention penalties for drivers that break the rules, but did say that cabbies who refused to pick up passengers could be kept off the streets for up to 15 days.
The strict code comes at a time when middle-class Chinese are embracing all kinds of fashion thanks to two decades of market reforms that have rendered the Mao suit a relic of the past.

No long hair or strange hair styles? Do the Chinese consider the comb over strange? See it always comes back to those damn comb overs. There is one they should ban. I guess if you are bald and wear a bad toupee that would be okay, or is that a "strange" hairstyle? Yet, it would go so well with the Mao suit. In fact, the latest in Chinese fashion could be the Mao lesiure suit. There is an idea, just keep them away from open flame because the polyester could ignite.

I am wondering what inappropriate women's clothes are. I would think that nothing but a push up bra, garters and fishnet stockings would certainly increase the fares and tips (among the male crowd) but I am not sure if it is appropriate. Only time will tell.

I think that is enough for me for today. Ciao, all.

Those Germans do it again

I am back. I never cease to be amazed by human stupidity. I came across another news story here. Oh, by the way, they found Fats Domino so disregard some of the things I concluded yesterday. I am glad and stand corrected. Or as Mark Twain, I think it was he, once said, "The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated".

Here is a tale of human stupidity gone wild. I know, I know, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Doesn't it always?

Well, at least the spiders are gone..
1 hour, 48 minutes ago
A German woman laid waste to her family home by setting fire to it as she tried to kill spiders in a garage with a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter.
Police in the western town of Zuelpich said that when the aerosol failed to finish them off, the 34-year-old woman tried to burn them with the lighter. However, this set the area she had just sprayed on fire and the blaze spread to a hedge.
"It was a series of unfortunate events which led to the damage," a police spokesman said Thursday.
"She tried to put the fire out with a garden hose, but couldn't. Instead her semi-detached house next to the hedge caught fire. It's now uninhabitable."
Firefighters managed to extinguish the blaze and save the neighboring house, which sustained broken windows and some charring. The spokesman estimated the total cost of the damage at well over 100,000 euros. No one was hurt.
"The family have had to look for somewhere else to stay," he said. "The spiders are gone though -- that problem was solved."

The spiders are gone, indeed. You have got to love it. Those Germans, eat each other and set their homes on fire to get rid of spiders. It makes me think that my method of a shoe is just old fashioned. It is kind of like a typewriter (huh, what's that?). I guess this method can be used for most forms of pest control. It really works. I am thinking the logical extension is the use of a nuclear bomb, small one, to rid your place of cockroaches. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but, at least, I have a glowing complexion now.

That about does it for another week. Have a great long weekend. Ciao.

I am back. I have all the news to tell. I lie. I did see a headline that said that Fats Domino is missing. He does live in New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina was not kind to those in Louisiana and Mississippi Gulf areas. The strange thing was that I thought he was dead. I am sorry for thinking that before, but I just may have been ahead of time on that one. Ooops!

There is more fun stuff in the news. Here goes.

Doctor adds insult to injury
Thu Sep 1,12:00 PM ET
"Trust me, I'm a doctor" wouldn't describe one Japanese medic who has landed in hot water after hitting and abusing a patient during surgery.
The elderly female patient at a hospital in Shiga, central Japan, was given a local anaesthetic for an unspecified operation early last month, but began thrashing around on the operating table and yelling at the doctor to stop.
After trying to persuade her to calm down, the doctor hit the patient on the forehead and yelled at her to shut up, a hospital spokesman said. The patient needed five days to recover from the injury to her forehead.
The operation was re-conducted last week by another doctor.

Damn, I should have been a doctor. Any profession where you can keep your head and cuff somebody who cannot is one for me. There is a case up here with a doctor being up before the College of Physicians and Surgeons for conduct unbecoming a doctor for yelling at some of his patients and sharing his opinions of some of his patients to their families. Two things struck me. One, I am not so sure that is "unbecoming". I see it as two things, one, bad business. It is rarely good for business to speak ill of somebody behind his/her back. Have the balls to say it to his/her face. But as far as I can tell is no crime. I mean if you have to "regulate" and "codify" that type of behavior, who are you really concerned about here. Two, somebody who has trouble dealing with people, especially those elderly and ailing chronically. Again, isn't that something that should be "taught" back in medical school, so that crap is rooted out and minimized.

Now, the doctor is working in an underserviced area, so he took the government incentives to set up practice there and he does have a large case load. His lawyer is arguing that when he was in Toronto and under stress, he had some sort of addiction. He was in Betty Ford during the time his behavior in question. He is using a diminished capacity, I am a victim as well, type of explanation. It may all be true or he may just be a shmuck who became a doctor. The world is full of these people and they make their way into every profession. Oh well, that is life.

That is all for today, kiddies. Have a beautiful one, I intend to and will. Ciao.