I had to laugh

I am back. i suggest you check out the link. Instead of those motivational pictures and captions that one sees plastered throughout "progressive" offices everywhere, these are demotivational and funny. I hate to go on the negative, but the stuff is funny. I have often found that where those motivational pictures are used tend to be places that only pay lip service to the goals and ideas behind the motivations. That is just me (and Shakespeare).

I really did like some of those demotivational ideas. The one about Inspiration is fun in a Jack Handey sort of way. As he goes on about genius being 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why many engineers smell bad. How funny is that? They are hilarious.

That has been said. We are on the campaign trail up here in Canada. It is a campaign that will not be much fun until after the holidays though. I am looking forward to the candidates knocking on my door. I will make them jump through hoops just for shits and giggles. I vote so it is my duty, my right and my fun. I may even try to get them to shovel my walk for free if it needs it. I have no shame. I am a taxpayer, reluctantly, so I figure I should get some good out of the tax dollars they are going to waste. Shovel my walk and, oh by the way, could you take my garbage to the curb while you are going that way?

That is it for today. Ciao!

A shorty but a shorty

I am back. I just read that there was the first Islamic suicide. strike that, homicide bombing in Bangladesh. I use the term "homicide" as that is really what it is. I do not think that one should give the perpetrator the credit of using the term suicide, which really implies a private act. This is not private, it is solely intended to take as many innocent people with you when you take you own life for some POLITICAL cause. It is not even a religious cause in this case. His group wants Islamic law in Bangladesh. I can see how this tactic works in their favor. NOT!

I was taken with the husband and wife team in Jordan. That was where he blew himself up in the hotel but she had a bomb malfunction. He is in "heaven" with his 72 virgins and she is in Jordan. How is she feeling about that now? If she had done her "job", would she get 72 virgins in heaven, too, or is a bunch of eunuchs willing to eat her pussy. I am not sure why I wrote that, but given Islam today, I am not sure what is in it for the women.

I am waiting for the apologists to trot out the old "root causes" justification. I have only one retort. I have your root causes right here at the end of this cattle prod. Are these causes root enough for you, asshole? Good! (That should all be said with a Dennis Leary voice, by the way).

I am done. I am so mad I could spit, and I just may do that. Ciao!

More Hair raising adventures

I am back. It was a wet and cold weekend as I recall. Yesterday was more damp than cold, though. I got a haircut on Saturday, there I go again thrilling you all with the minutae of my life. Neeless to say, I am finding haircuts to be very disconcerting these days. My forehead seams to be growing and my hairline is shrinking. I do not recall signing up for this. I am not saying that I am so vain that I would have chosen a short life, but with great hair. I never had what I would consider great hair. It was straight as an arrow, what's left of it still is, dark brown and had a fine texture. It is one of many traits I inherited from my father, though the texture of his hair was baby fine. My son has the same hair, straight, but his texture is even thicker than mine, which is cool, I guess.

It is all the more funny since my mother has hair that was coarse like steel wool. I can recall many time pulling a Larry Fine on her (the Stooge with the funny hair). I would rip a clump of her hair out to scour pots and pans after cooking. I do not think I could have just picked her up and turned her upside down, I could have hurt myself. This was a much better way of doing things. Besides, this avoided all the blood rushing to my mother's head. You really do not want to deal with my mother when she is light headed.

Speaking of which, I have been seeing the tables turned in my life. Any time I have made my views of life and government known, I just dislike injustice and capricious, incompetent government so I am not afraid to take the system to task for some of its negatives (taxation issues are my favorite), my mother would respond with a "David!". It was her way of saying that she did not want to hear it and that I should just capitulate and accept the bullshit. I cannot, not that I do much about it but launch private protests, which really do not accomplish much. Anyway, she has a bit of a tax issue that may have included a retroactive change, that which I find abhorent. Anyway, I was able to give her the same attitude and chuckled how she has finally come to see things my way. I do not think that pleased her but too bad.

I had another one of those when my brother was going through his articling interviews in 1996. It was a grueling process of interviews on top of interviews with law firms. Eventually, they all blend together, the students as well from the firm side, and it becomes hard to differentiate yourself from the crowd. Anyway, my brother, he with the sunny disposition, was pissed by the process. My mother and sister commented that he sounded like me at that moment. Now, what is never said is that perhaps I was perceptive and felt what I felt because it was true and honest and not just a product of my own "negative" mind set.

In fact, I do not perceive my mind set as negative. I know I can do anything and I refuse to put mental obstacles in my own path. I just see the good and bad in most things. I do have a habit of pointing out the flaws to those who will only look at the positives. I need to know the risks and rewards and I figure everybody else should know them so that they go into any situation with theirs eyes opened. I would point out the positives to those fixated on the negatives, so I am a neutralizer more than anything.

So perhaps you should take me along, the Neutralizer, when you get your next perm. We are back to hair and I am outta here for today. Ciao!

Another one bites the dust, or returns back to the dust

I am back. How is that for a happy title? Well, I guess it is the truth, but need not be negative. In any event, Pat Morita died. He was 73. The original "Arnold" from Happy Days and Mr. Miyagi from those Karate Kid movies. They said it was from natural causes. I think that says it all and why the title of this posting is not as negative as it sounds. I mean it is not the fact that you die, you do, but how you live that counts. There is the positive lesson, enjoy every moment that you have while you have it.

It sounds good to say but can be difficult to live it. Off that topic, is it bad when your microwave spits out sparks. I was standing by mine today when the sparks seemed to be flying. A few may have "hit" me. I did not think I felt any different, but then I was able to lift the piano off the floor with one arm. I now have some sort of super human strength. I sure hope that there are no bad effects. I am thinking that I am due to have something akin to steroid rage, microwave spark rage or some such thing.

If you see me driving, do not cut me off or give me the finger. I may just catch up to you and ram that finger up your own ass, along with your arm and car (as long as it is as heavy as a piano). ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! My clothes are ripping off my changing body. Am I turning green? Damn, I think that I am becoming the Hulk. Shit, I am becoming ....... Hulk smash computer!

Well, that passed. It was not as funny as I thought. On to the next, I guess. I have not got much to say so I will send a belated Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends out there. Have a good weekend, one and all. Ciao! Oh yeah, I do want to send out a Happy Birthday to my brother and niece.

What is up with the Germans?

I am back. Before I get into today's topic, I have a message for somebody out there. I am talking to the tall, skinny dude working out with the weights at Mayfair yesterday in the late afternoon. Dude, give it up! You have skinny girl arms, which is okay because they are long. The last thing that I want or need to see is you pulling your sleeves over your shoulders to expose the full arm. Buy a fucking muscle tee (and the arm muscles to go with it) or just give it up! I mean, I guess if you do some reps on your biceps and triceps you should expose those skinny things to all of us. Those are not circus mirrors, your arms need a lot of work, if that is where you are going. Keep your sleeves down you deluded fuck!

Sorry about that, but it was a funny sight to watch. Then again, I work out with a long sleeve tee because I get a chill. I am just too sensitive and cold to go with a short sleeve shirt these days. I do expose my skinny legs by wearing shorts, of course I do not pull them up as high as possible to expose my thighs. I mean nobody needs to see that. Then again, I can always point to my brother (I would have done the same with my father when he was alive, but now nobody is looking at his legs and if they were, what sick fools they would be) and say my legs are not THAT skinny.

Sometimes you just have a really bad day..
Tue Nov 22,11:07 AM ET
A German man drank too much, wet his bed and set fire to his apartment while trying to dry his bedding, police in the western town of Muelheim said Monday.
"He was too drunk to go to the toilet," said a police spokesman. "The next morning he put a switched-on hair dryer on the bed to dry it and left the apartment." When the 60-year-old returned, his home and belongings were in flames.
Firemen eventually put out the blaze.

Forget the cannibalism, this is not the first time where a German had what seemed like a good idea at the time and burned down the house. The other I recall was an attempt to kill some spiders. I am still unsure what is the worst part of all this. The getting drunk, though the catalyst, is probably the least mind boggling. He was too drunk to go to the toilet so he pissed himself in his bed. Instead of changing the sheets and cleaning them, he decides to dry them. Dirty Einstein figures to use a hair dryer, and safety first, turns it on, puts it on the bed and then LEAVES the apartment.

He comes back home to find his home and belongings in flames. I am sure that has to include the final threads of his dignity, which it would appear are extremely flammable. I cannot get my head around the pissing himself in bed only to compound it with "I'll just dry the sheets" so that I can get drunk and sleep on piss soaked sheets again tonight. Hell, tonight, I may even crap myself in bed. That'll show me how drunk I can get! He sure showed us all. Again, thank you Germany. Keep 'em coming. Ciao!

Oh where have I been?

I am back. I would apologize for my long absence, but given the lack of any feedback, I do not think anybody cares. Oh well, I have returned in any event. Let me get right back to it. I was reading last week that Heidi Fleiss, former Hollywood Madam and purveyor of flesh for Charlie Sheen, is hooking up in some joint venture type of arrangement with a Nevada brothel owner. Now, keep in mind, prostitution is legal in Nevada (now to combine that with the polygamy in Utah and you would have one fun state). Her idea is to have a "stud" ranch where she would market/manage male prostitutes for female customers.

It boggles my mind, though. Other than the OLD SNL skit (Dan Aydroyd) Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute, which was very funny because it hit the reality on the head, what is the point. Do women NEED to pay to get some? I mean, if the woman in question is decent looking enough (or wealthy enough) all she has to do is go into public and put out the "I just want to get laid" vibe and she would pretty much have her choice of most guys looking to just fuck.

Then I was thinking, that if she is going to cater to the meesekite, fat or infirmed chick market, how is the guy going to be able to perform. I guess the cost of Viagara, Cialis or Levitra will be a tax deductible expense. It makes sense on the surface and then it just runs into a wall. It does not seem to be a good idea. Again, if a woman is just looking for some companionship, she could do better with a male escort and that could lead to sex for her, at an extra charge, if she so desires. I just do not see a woman feeling the need to head to the brothel to find somebody willing to give her head.

There may be some women who take advantage of such a situation, but will it really be enough to carry the overhead of this venture. I do not see it, but what do I know. I just think that though it would be "fair" for women to have this service, I am not sure they "need" it. The old fashioned methods to get off should work well. Then again, if you pay directly, I guess you would expect (rightly so) to orgasm. If that is the case, I think that a vibrator may be more cost effective, but it does not do much for the human touch.

I am now rambling, but the point is that it does not seem to be slam dunk money maker in my humble opinion. I could be wrong! So, let me ask you all, how have things been going while I was too busy to sit and write? Let me know. Ciao for now!

The heat is on

I am back. I am also happy to say that I have heat. No longer will I have to sleep with a hoodie on and my ears covered. I am three thousand dollars lighter and I really cannot show off the new furnace to my friends and family, but I could not do that with the new roof either. Oh well, at least I am safe in the knowledge that I will have heat this winter. I am assuming that the new furnace is not a "lemon" but that is all I can do and I am aware of that assumption, so if something should go wrong, I will get it fixed.

Are there in law stories to tell? Of course there are. I could go into my own families psychopathology but what fun is that. I mean we all admit we are nuts so it is something of which we all have a sense of self awareness. Not my in laws. I mean getting locked in the bathroom is a telling problem that will be ignored because the conclusions to be drawn are too frightening to grasp. I mean the man, sweet as he is in a gruff sort of way, has become (or has he always been) oblivious to anything that goes on around him.

That is okay for him, I am just not sure about those around him, though. They seem to live in their own sort of denial. All are planning for the worst, but not LIVING in the present. The future is certain, it is only a matter of when, not if. My mother in law can "wait" for the worst and put her life on hold but the question I have is what do you do when all is said and done and realize that the time spent "waiting" was wasted by not ENJOYING it and doing something with it? It is not my cross to bear but I am sure some sort of emotional bullshit the derives from that scenario is going to be dumped upon me in the future. It is just that I see possibilities and options but nobody wants or is capable of seeing the forest for the trees.

It all comes down to awareness, of self and all that is around. Living in the moment, the here and now. I am far from perfect but at least I can see ahead. It is like a chess game and you have to be able to see the possibilities eight moves ahead. This is not occurring and does not occur amongst any of my in laws, or wife for that matter.

I heard something I found funny Monday night while out with "Luigi" for Halloween. I was listening to a couple of kids saying that when they get there own homes, they will not buy stuff for Halloween. It is a "rip off" to give strange kids candy and stuff when they come to your door. Why should I have to pay for that? It cracked me up as it the disconnect did not seem to bother them. I mean they had no trouble going to strangers doors and taking the candy and chips given out. It was an interesting observation tempered by irony that they could not or would not comprehend. How funny is that and what does that say about the future of Halloween?

Ciao for now!

Random Thoughts for the 1st of November

I am back. I have had quite the weekend and some thoughts have occurred to me. Why is it that when the furnace decides (as if an inanimate object has free will and actually makes decisions) to breakdown only on weekends or holidays? It is similar to the question of why does my father in law take ill, and go to the hospital ER, only on weekends and holidays?

Yes, that is correct, we are in furnace hell. Actually, the opposite of hell, since we have not had heat since early Saturday morning. The brightside is that it has been rather mild, so the house is not too bad, unless of course you are actually in it. It scares me to say that I have to open the windows to let warm air in.

My wife wakes me at 4:30 on Saturday morning to say she smells something burning. Of course, she smells it but her only action is to wake me. I have to get up and look/smell for the source. It smells like burned plastic or rubber, but definetly something burning/burned. I make my way to the furnace and I can hear the fan going. I look inside and see that there is no flame. It could be that with the thermostat turned down, I do not like heat when I sleep, that the heat has kicked off and the fan is blowing the residual heated air. I turn up the thermostat, hear the click of the ventor motor and then smell gas.

That is a bad thing no matter how you slice it. I call the gas company and by five have a guy out to see if there is a gas leak. His reading are negative but in the mean time I shut off the furnace. My wife was wretching from the smell of the gas, I presume, or she was just wretching (which is always a pleasant sound). Gas guy comes, finds nothing in terms of a gas leak or carbon monoxide, but opens the furnace to find that the casing on wires on the ignitor have melted. That explains the smell but means trouble ahead. He shuts off the gas and crisis is averted except that I have to call my furnace guy later Saturday morning.

We go back to bed at 5:30 but I do not fall back asleep and start to doze when the lad comes in at seven to watch his cartoons. I call the dude at nine and leave a message. I finally speak to somebody near noon. He is up north for the weekend and will not be able to have a look until Monday morning. I figure we can wait since nobody else will come until Monday and it is a nice weekend weather wise. We will just have to bundle up while sleeping. Yes I have been wearing a hoodie, with hood on, to sleep the last few nights.

To make a long story short, I have a hole in my heat exchanger and that caused the flame to back up. Somehow the heat sensitive switch that is supposed to react to excess by shutting down the gas, did not work. That could have been a disaster and would have meant no more posts from me FOREVER. He figures, and rightly so, that given the time and cost of the parts, it is cheaper to replace the furnace instead of repairing it. It was sixteen years old, so the hole in the heat exchanger occurred a little too early for my liking. I was figuring we had another four years, I was wrong, but at least we now have a five year warranty with it. On the other hand, the ventor motor went on the old one in year seven, when my wife was eight months pregnant, in early December. That was a cold night and morning, I will tell you.

Of course the thing won't be fully installed and usable until Wednesday. He is putting the new one in place right now and must measure for the duct work. He will complete the installation tomorrow and we will be about $3000 lighter for the privilege. We do NEED heat, damn Canadian winters, falls and springs.

To top it all off, my father in law has had nose bleeds from hell. He is on a blood thinner, so that would explain the difficulty in stopping the bleeding. After three trips to the ER, where they could not find the source (probably a burst blood vessel given how loud he sneezes, or he was just picking his nose too much, let that be a lesson to all you kids out there about the dangers of picking your nose). He bled all over the beige carpeting so there will be a cleaning on Saturday. He is now on home rest until his doctor appointment on Thursday as he had to be removed from his blood thinning medication. He had his nose packed. Apparently it looks like he has tampons sticking out of each nostril all, tied together to his head. It must be lovely sight and I am sure he is making all the ladies "moist" when they see him like that.

At least he did not lock himself in the bathroom as well as having the profusely bleeding nose. That would have been a sight. A gruesome sight but given it was Halloween, it would have been appropriate. That is all for now, so I gues it was really but a random thought. Ciao!