A time to give thanks

I am back. Death, especially when to one close to you, has a way of sobering your mind. Though, a few drinks now would not be such a bad thing. A little brain lubrication may make this a better posting. Excuse me for a second and thank you all for the suggestion. I am back again, and again and again. Where was I...Oh yeah, sobering mind and all. It had me thinking about the old adage that whatever you focus on the more of it you receive. If you focus on what you do not have, a lack, that is what you will get more of, a lack of something. If you focus on the good things you have, sex, drugs, rock & roll, the more of it you will receive. I thought I would do that here and state how thankful I am for the things I do have.

I am thankful that I have some of some killer bud. I mean that helps take the edge off of life and even makes television interesting. I also know it is time for bed when there are two televisions in the room. It did not start off that way, but that is how it ended up. I could do without the paranoia but then again, that is a normal state for me at the best of times. Here is to all the brain cells that have been sacrificed in the name of the greater good, coping.

I am thankful that I am not flexible enough to lick my own crotch. I would never have gotten married and become a father, otherwise. I mean I would never leave the house. I mean why should I? If I could do that, there is no reason to get married. It probably has cost me big bucks on my PC Cam show, I mean who wants to pay to see me sitting naked at the computer? You take the good with the bad, I guess.

I am thankful that I am not butt ugly. I mean traveling around the country with the freak show gets a bit tiresome after a while. Then when you try to stay in one place and put down roots, the town's folk take that literally and try to bury your head and butt ugly face. Breathing dirt is no life even for a butt ugly freak show attraction. I guess that was all self explanatory. You can call me Captain Obvious if you would like, then I could get the cape and tights, which is something all men should own and wear with great regularity, unless of course they do not want to be considered gay or insane.

Off the topic for a second, but have any of you noticed that Barry Bonds head has taken on the size of a Kennedy melon. If he were not African American he would look just like Ted Kennedy's long lost relative. That of course based only on cranium size.

I am thankful that I am not a foreigner. Then I would speak a foreign language and I would not be able to understand a fucking word I said. (I am thankful that P.J. O'Rourke wrote that about 25 years ago in National Lampoon).

I am thankful for the love in my life, or at least the absence of bitter hostility directed towards me. Then again, even if it were directed towards me I am sure that I am too self centred to care or even notice. Better luck next life, assholes.

I am thankful that I do not have a fat ass. I would think it would be difficult to find jeans that fit in that sense. I have enough trouble having my jeans not slide off my hips, but with a fat ass, well, how do you get them on, or off. Speaking of which, anybody notice the size of Mandisa (American Idol contestant with a great voice) ass. That is one BIG booty. I do not think that I want her to sit on my face, unless it was a strange suicide attempt (made to look like an accident, then I could have full burial rights, but I would know the truth, of course, I would be dead, so....).

I am thakful for every day that I have on this Earth. I know it is sappy, but with each day comes more and deeper observations about the size of people's asses, so what can be bad about that.

With that I am done for the day. Ciao!