A Public Service Announcement

I am back. I think that I will make this one short and sweet as I have not been visited by my comedy or writing muse today (who ever that may be). I have that damn James Blunt song stuck in my head and I cannot seem to get it out. I have actually tried to use the toilet plunger, but all I got for my troubles was an earful of wet, soiled toilet paper. The visual on that one is as ugly as it sounds. It is sort of like the guy rescued from the sea but instead of seaweed attached to the body, it is soiled toilet paper. Am I being too gross?

This is exactly what James Blunt does to you. Let that be a lesson to all you kids out there, you listen to shit like that, you end up coated in wet, soiled toilet paper. Don't do drugs, er listen to modern day, elevator music, singer-songwriters like James Blunt.

There that should count as my court-ordered community service, shouldn't it? I need a ruling on that one, any criminal lawyers out there want to let me know?

I am trying to distract myself so that damn tune will vacate my brain. It works for a short time and then it is "....You're Beautiful....." all over again. It is kind of like hiccups, only I have a sure fire cure for those that works for me all the time. We had these ugly or really just plain Duralex drinking glasses as a kid. I found, like a scientist it was test and retest, that a full glass of water ingested at once without stopping, always solved my hiccups. I should have taken that glass with me when I moved out (I was 37 at the time, hahaha) but I did not and my mother got rid of the thing.

The only time there was real problems was a night with my wife's friends. Her friend who now lives in New York was in and it must have been the summer, but we went for a barbecue at another friend's home. The food was good and the drink was flowing (it always comes back to the alcohol and alcohol clouds with me), but as usual I am sure I over indulged. The next thing I know is that I have a wicked case of the hiccups. I use the water cure but not knowing how to gauge the "proper" amount, I am sucking back water like there is no tomorrow. Then it happens, I become bloated like Rosie O'Donnell after she sucks back a tractor trailer load of Haagen-Dazs. No good can come of this. I moan a bit and then take a walk down the street. I am at the side of a church, which was two doors down, and my life flashes before me. Actually, all that I had ingested scant hours flashed out of me (life/dinner what's the difference?). Thankfully, because of all that water, it was a painless, non-acidic kind of puke (damn, I am getting sickly graphic again with my descriptions). To make a long story short, the church's grass may have died, or it was watered in a unique way, the raccoons had a free meal that did not entail knocking over a garbage can, and I felt much better. I was not bloated, had no hiccups but damn was I hungry, and I needed a drink. Speaking of which, don't mind if I do.

Ciao!