Father's Day

I am back. This is my post Father's Day sort of rant. The day lost meaning for me in 1991. At the time, I no longer had a father so there was not much to celebrate. Besides, there was really no uptick in the sale of fragrances for dad in the old store. It was just another Sunday to me. It did mean that I would spend part of the day with the wife's father, though. So it went through to 1996, a meaningless Sunday and time spent with my father in law, with or without my brother in law present.

By 1997, I had assumed the vaunted role of father. It was as easy as depositing my sperm in the wife and lo and behold, nine months later, and some physical growth to her (I lost a pound for each pound that she gained, so we were in synch in some Bizzaro Universe). That made me a father. It was good, still is, too. But that gave Father's Day a new meaning to me. I could celebrate it once again and revel in it. I knew my day to receive crappy, but thoughtful, gifts was upon me.

Nine years later, I am still waiting for the bottle of Old Spice After Shave. The saddest thing is given the environment in which I grew up, I am a snob when it comes to fragrances and art. I secretly envied those homes I visited with furniture and electronic diversions but I could never understand the drab, soul-sucking artwork that was displayed, when there was any to be displayed. In one friends living room, where apparently people did not actually live but spent time with "company" as there was furniture, in plastic to retain the peak freshness I can only surmise, and there was no television to be found, they had a tree painted on the white wall. It was a great wall that could have displayed a real show stopping piece of art, but they had a painted tree that matched the earth tones of the carpet and furniture. Blah!!

I grew up in a home without much furniture. All our walls were painted white, but all were covered in modern art. When my parents ran out of wall space, the ceiling was used. In fact, the artist came and saw his piece on the ceiling and instead of getting pissed (which cracks me because once you sold that piece, you lose your right to how it is displayed) he looked up and thought it worked up there, too. Lost a lot of ping pong balls to the one, though as they would make there way in the space between the hooks and the frame.

Along with art in the house, the store had art all over the walls and high end fragrances, non of that dime store shit. I was always cracked up by Old Spice and Aqua Velva commercials. I mean, I NEVER saw anybody buy that stuff, though we often carried a bottle or two, in case. I have long thought that Aqua Velva was for drinking because who the hell wanted to smell like that. Then again, it would be an improvement for Stinky Guy, though it would probably be like putting an Airwick in a sewer, in July.

That is the reason why I do not think I ever got my father a bottle of Old Spice for Father's Day, though the Old Spice is not a bad scent. I also do not expect it from my son, either. He did get me a CD, but the thought of spending money for music hurts (it is a sign of the times). It was a nice day spent at our friends pool and then I got to barbecue for my in laws. That meant my father in law's "crazies" were going to be on full display.

They were told to arrive after five. I kept telling the wife that they would be here around three thirty or four. At four forty five, they arrived. My mother in law told me that would have been here at two thirty if my father in law had his way. He was antsy to leave by seven thirty reasoning he had been here since five. I am guessing he has a shelf life of about two hours now. He is well on his way to "shut in" status. This whole thing may give my mother in law a case of the "crazies" which will in turn cause my wife to get the "crazies". Who thought that the crazies would be contagious.

All I know is that if my wife catches those crazies, she is outta here. I can deal with reasoned insanity, the only Crazy allowed in this house, is mine because it is reasoned and well thought out. That is a Father's Day gift given to me by myself! Ciao!