Am I making a mountain out of an aunt hill?

I am back. I even survived a weekend of extended families, some not even my own. It was not without incident, but what is. On a happy note, my father in law made it to eight thirty on Friday night before pushing my poor mother in law out the door. I helped them to the car. The man was grousing so I told him in no uncertain terms to just get in the car. As usual, his sister, my wife's aunt, is after him about leaving. "Stay for me", "You haven't had dessert" (she made desserts, as if "real" food was beneath her), that sort of shit. Funny how that did not work and get him to stay longer. I pretty much was able to waste enough time with him outside, so that she and my wife could make the in laws a plate of desserts to take with them on the road. All my mother in law needed was a styrofoam cup of coffee or tea, but the man would not sit for that. Of course, I do not know where he is going, since my mother in law has the car keys.

Outside, my mother in law tells my father in law that he is embarrassing her and himself. She then says, "if you act like that, nobody will invite you over." To which he replies, "Who cares! Don't invite me!" I turn to her and tell her that was the wrong way to question him. I mean his reply was a given. The guy would be content to not leave the condo unit (thankfully he is not a roamer and is afraid of everything, so there is little worry about him bolting and wandering freely and in a state of confusion, which is right next to Kentucky I am told). I say you should threaten him with weekly trips to other people's homes if you don't behave. That would get him where it hurts or is the most uncomfortable.

Anyway, the aunt did it again. I did miss one great conversation though. The aunt's oldest child lives in New York with her husband and children. She has not been back to Canada for a while, she even missed her brother's wedding in June of 2005, because of alleged visa problems with regard to her getting permanent resident status in the US (her husband, assuming there actually was a wedding, I have seen no evidence of it, nor do I really care, is a US citizen). She is showing pictures of the place that they stay in the Hamptons to my wife's cousin (she is the daughter of the host aunt, my mother in law's sister, the aunt in question is my father in law's youngest sister)(You really do need a score card here). "This is J's room" "This is J's closet" that sort of bullshit. The cousin replies to each showing, "Does she/they own the house?" "No, but they are there so often, they practically own it." This apparently goes on for the whole of the picture show and the aunt was getting pissed off having to face the reality of showing pictures that nobody gives a shit about. I was waiting for the picture of the toilet, "this is the toilet in which J takes a dump." Fuck!!!!!!

I did get to hear how wonderful the aunt is, from the aunt herself. I was getting dessert and she could not help but say how she spent all afternoon in the kitchen baking. She is so wonderful. Then again, I guess nobody else did anything. The food prepared for the entrees and sides were made by elves. Fuck, my wife was not in the kitchen cooking the side dishes? There was a fucking ghost in my house that made those cooking smells, I guess. Man, I am so dumb. What would I do without this obtuse twit to show me the light. Fuck, I do not know how she is able to bake at all. I am surprised that her arm is not broken or sprained from patting herself on the back all the time. How fucking needy is this woman?!!! (rhetorical question, no need to worry there is no quiz on today's post)

In my last bit of ranting, the use of honey is traditional this time of year. It is symbolic of a sweet new year. Honey cake is all the rage and I love a good honey cake. It is really a sponge cake with honey so it is that lovely brown, carmelly color. Now, maybe I am simple, but I like my honey cake just like that. There is no need to add anything. The cake she made, she says as she pats herself on the back, had dried cherries and nuts added. It was okay but then I had a piece or three of my brother's mother in law's honey cake last night, that one was far superior. Hell, my aunt's was always better than that fucking thing with dried fruit and nuts. Ahhhhhh!

It would be all done except I have to see her next week, unless I blow that one off. At least my father in law will pushing to leave early, so that will be the out for us all. That is all. I did have a request for more "aunt" stories and those were live and recent, so enjoy. Ciao!