What's a false prophet got to do to get a drink around here?

I am back. I did not return on Friday after all. Quelle surprise? Just let me get my bearings. Thursday was the Jehovah's Witnesses and the double blowjob and Friday was Englebert Humperdink having dry granny panties thrown his way, so what have I missed. Ah yes. If I were king.

Not king actually, but the Jehovah's Witnesses gave me a great idea. Actually, it is one that I have had before but they helped bring it back to the front of my mind. I should start a religious cult. That is the way to do things. I have it all thought out using the template of "old" cults and using technology. Let me preface this all by stating explicitly, "I am one sick fuck!". I can deal with it (can you?).

Here we go. There has always been one cult or another out there, picking up disciples, for as long as I can remember. I recall the Hare Krishnas in the 60s and 70s, Jim Jones, the Moonies, and those around the millenium (the one from Quebec-Rafaelites (?) and that one out near LA where they wore robes, Nikes and were waiting for UFOs to take them from Earth). These are all good ideas.

First off, I have to be in charge. It is the sociopath in me. I could do a great job preaching "the word" and I am quite certain that I could find me some lost souls. These lost souls exist everywhere as they are all seeking some sort of divine intervention to understand their life's purpose or meaning. Conventional religions do not necessarily reach these people. In a society like ours, that has rewarded immediate gratification, people want enlightenment and they want it now (just like Veruca Salt). That is just one of the empty promises I can make. I hate to break the news to y'all but enlightenment is anything but immediate gratification. You really do need to be able to accept enlightened thinking and that, in any conventional sense, is not easy for most people to do. It is damn hard given a lifetime of teaching and other social pressures to be able to rethink your relationship to yourself, others and world in general.

Anyway, there I am picking up lost souls, like some sort of low grade Grim Reaper. I like the use of Jim Jones-type of devotion to me. I was thinking that I could not be a cult follower (though I can picture people proseltyzing the "word of Dave"--"Dave is my prophet" I love the sound of it, especially the sense of familiarity, like you can be enlightened by a Dave, Bob, Steve, Bill, choose any shortened version of a name). I was thinking about those people in LA in the robes and Nikes waiting to be taken by the UFOs and recalled that a number of guys were castrated. Well, I do not give a shit, if "Dave" tells me I should have my balls cut off, "Dave" is going to get a swift kick in his. You may have my mind, but leave me with my balls, I have grown rather attached to them, thank you.

I do like the idea of castation if I am leader, though. It would give me pick of the female litter. In fact, like all good Sultans, nothing wrong with having a bunch of eunuchs working the harem for you. This way I have all that lost soul pussy to myself (I am shallow but I am not stupid and I can count).

Here is where it gets modern, though. I figure that after some manipulations of the mental variety, assume they are intellectually pliable and have fallen under my "spell". Damn, those Jehovah's Witnesses would characterize me as a false religion but I will show them. They would, of course, turn over their worldy possessions to me, er the cause of which I will have sole signing banking authority. So, I gots me some cash and stuff. I am thinking that I could get the lady devotees to dress in robes and stuff and then decree that they please me and each other. Break out the webcam, set up a website and sell subscriptions. There is a modern stream of revenue right there. I am sure I can do deeper there, too.

Of course, I realize the greatest downfalls. One is that this shit would come to a disasterous end, at least for somebody. I can see it get boring all that control. It would be good for a bit then the thrill would die as the sense of a challenge also faded. Besides, most of these cults have ended in suicide/murder-suicide, those the Unification Church of Rev. Moon still exists I believe, you just do not see the mass arranged marriages anymore. Am I in the mood to kill others and myself (ala Jim Jones)? Hell, no!

I am thinking that I would have to get the dying in order to move on, with the cash of course (a false prophet's got to eat, too). I could then recreate the movement in another place and time. Ohhhh, this idea keeps on working. It is like the stock market, just a grand experiment in human psychology.

I am liking the idea. Since I have shared it first with y'all, I have a proposition. Anybody want to sign on as early disciples? Tell you what, my friends, is anybody looking? I am willing to share. I am flexible on the castration thing for early disciples. In fact, you could become a full participant with "right hand" status (and no, I do not mean you get to give me handjobs, though, the door is not fully closed on that idea). What do you think? Care to take on the world with me? Think about it. Ciao!