Another thing not to stuff up your ass (as if you need the warning)

I am back. I will have to be brief. I am off to the outlaws' soon for dinner. I am girding for more insanity. My father in law had another assessment with his gerontologist. He scored higher than he did in February. Of course, when asked what year we were in, he said "1922". The man was not even born in 1922. He owns a fucking LCD television (being able to actually work it is another story) but he thinks it is 1922. I am waiting for him to put on a tricorn, stuff his hand in his breast pocket, say it is 1802 and say he is Napoleon. Then I HAVE to sell tickets. I mean by this point, it is performance art. It is all fun and games until he starts to fingerpaint on the walls using his own feces, then I have to rescind any invititations here. I am not cleaning that shit (literally and figuratively).

I have culled another story from my "they should not be allowed to consider breeding" file. Here it is.

Brit burns bum with firecracker
Thu Nov 9, 9:37 PM ET
A 22-year-old man suffered internal injuries after lighting a small firecracker he had inserted into his buttocks, paramedics said Thursday. The incident took place Sunday, when Britain celebrated Bonfire Night, traditionally marked with fireworks to celebrate the Guy Fawkes' gunpowder plot to blow up Parliament in the 17th century.
The man suffered burns and other unspecified internal injuries in the incident in Sunderland, 275 miles north of London.
Katherine Shenton, a spokeswoman for the North East Ambulance Service, said a caller had phoned in that the victim was bleeding after the firecracker exploded.
Several of the man's friends recorded the incident on a mobile phone. The blurry images show a man bent over with his pants down and a white flash as the firecracker explodes.
The Times newspaper reported the man is a soldier who recently returned from Iraq.

The Iraqis could not get him, so he decided to get himself. In the immortal words of Jeff Spicoli, "People on 'ludes should not drive" and people should not stuff firecrackers up their ass and light them. I am really frightened that I have to say that, given it really is obvious and I hate stating the obvious. Then again, obviously, some people are able to ignore the obvious, obviously at their own peril.

Again, if I am going to stuff something up my ass, firecrackers (lit or not), is not one of them. Of course, my post nuclear holocaust me would have me shooting lasers from my ass, though shooting lit firecrackers could be fun, too. Then again, the risk that the "shoot" somehow malfunctions, leaving me with just the explosion and an explanation for the proctologist, kind of puts me off that "power".

Nice friends though. Nobody stopping the insanity. To make matters worse, they took pictures. That is what friends are for. Enjoy the weekend. Ciao!