I think that I may have a time machine

I am back. I am also having one of those "What the Fuck?!" moments. I truly believe that I have these things too frequently for any one human being. Then again, I am hyper-connected to the world so that may be why. Then again, I could be delusional and full of shit. At least, I can hold out that possibility and accept it.

Anyway, before I begin, I should tell you all that when I got to Mayfair today, two days after being assualted by the BO stink, there was another BO stink on my arrival. Again, I am not sure if it were the old dude changing (though it was not "old man stink", then again maybe it was "old man decaying from the inside because he has been dead for a while but nobody has been kind enough to let him know it" stink, either way) or the lingering stink of Wednesday evening.

That is an aside that I am so sure y'all wanted to read about. I am pretty sure that you could not sleep last night, bodies all tingly, thinking about that smell. Then again, you bodies may have tingled for another reason, in which case, I hope that got some. Here is the story.

For the past couple of days, my alarm clock has been running fast. I do not mean fast, but enormously fast. I think that it is now reading the time for tomorrow. It has gone into the future. I am pissed. First off, I do not like setting my clock each night and then waking up unsure what time it actually is. I reset it before bed last night and it was fine. I was up and the time matched the time on the television. I go to shower and at 7:50 am the damn clock reads 8:34. What the fuck????? It only picks up time during daylight hours?? I just do not get it.

Let me describe this beautiful clock to you. It is a Viking brand clock with faux wood finish. Viking was the in house brand of Eaton's, the long defunct Canadian department store retailer. I have had the clock since 1984. As I said, it has that plastic faux wood finish. It is a beautiful touch. I think they stole that faux wood plastic from Chrysler since it was used on the interior of their cars to give them that classy look to compete with the burled wood of a Jaguar. Who could tell the difference????!!!! Certainly not I.

I have half a mind to try to take it back. Eaton's has to stand behind its products. It only lasted 22 years, what crappy craftmanship. You would think they would stand behind their products. No wonder they could not cut and went tits up. In fact, they almost took Sears Canada with them when they bought the leases and name out of bankruptcy, created an "upscale" store that had lousy sales. It did look good, though. That has to count for something. Many old ladies were sad to see Eaton's go, but how can you make money selling support hose to the blue haired set?

Anyway, there you have it. I think each time I touch that clock, I will be transported into the future. That may be cool. I am not sure. What fun is it, if you cannot get back. I could be like Dr. Sam Beckett, leaping through time (Quantum Leap reference, I did enjoy that show and they did a funny spoof on it on "Robot Chicken").

I just do not know what to do, beyond buy a new clock. I guess that is what I will have to do. Either that or learn how to translate what seems to be most random. But what does it all mean? Do the Jehovah's Witnesses have the answer to that one? Have a great weekend one and all. Ciao!