In the Land of the Insane The Neurotic Man Is King!

I am back. I have to say Merry New Year to y'all. (That was said in Eddie Murphy's voice in Trading Places). Again, I am giving stage directions. What is wrong with me? I must be a solopsist. Which in effect means, that I am the only one that exists and everybody and everything is just created by my imagine or me for me. It is very inward and pure ego in thought. Enough of the philosophy class, I am just so "in law"ed out right now and I have not seen them since Saturday.

Here goes dinner last week. I arrive at about five thirty or so. I notice that our car is not parked but my sister in law's minivan is parked in the visitor's strip, er lot. I figure that the wife has gone to a mall with her sister and possibly one or two of the older kids (18 and 15). I am entering the Storm. I come out of the elevator only to find the lad, his two younger cousins (11 and 4) and my mother in law (the kid's grandmother) waiting by the elevator to take coats. They were looking to take ANYBODY'S coat. They were just panhandling for coats!!!! This passes as educational and interactive activity in the outlaws' world.

I get in to find that the only missing members are my wife and her sister. I play a game with some of the kids and we all chat. It is all very nice. It is also nicer that I notice that the bottle of Galliano has not made an appearance. I go into the room with the television and I see my father in law sitting on the couch fumbling with the remote. He tells me that something is wrong with new LCD television. He tells me that it keeps turning on by itself. He turns it off and it turns itself on. Caspar the Friendly fucking Ghost is fucking with my father in law's mind. Either that or the ghost of some South Korean worker (it is a Samsung) just screwing with his head. Of course, it could be that he has forgotten how to work the fucking remote control.

I am going with option number two. He proceeds to show me what he his doing. I have to explain the concept of on and off to him. I tell him to turn it off (it is on) he must press the red power button. He then asks "what color button to push it back on again? Do I press half the button for off and the other half for on?" How would you respond? A spit take? Laugh at the situation in his presence and thus embarrassing him, or not (see blogging about it is much better, I get to paint a picture for others to laugh and he is none the wiser)? Slowly explain to him, patiently, how to work the remote, er the red power button? I chose the last because the laughter would have paralyzed me.

At first, I did not believe him regarding the television coming back on when he was turning it off. I thought he was just talking crazy talk. Then I saw, with my own two eyes, no less, what he was doing. He was not simply pressing the button, he was holding it down. No wonder the thing would go back on. Well, so much for the ghost in the machine.

I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say that with all the activity in his home he was aggravated and anxious about something, I am not sure what, but that distracted him in using the remote. It is a lame excuse when I think about it, but it is plausible, or he has lost about two thirds of his mind. Anyway, I thought that would be forgotten but he would ask me later in the evening, while I was watching television, if it was working okay.

He was in his element groussing at the kids as they ran around. Just kept telling them to "Be Careful". It was what he kept telling me (but my mother in law and my wife do the same thing) as I was trying to replace his light fixture. I need the encouragement to be careful. What the fuck, why don't I try to stick my screwdriver into that electrical outlet? All of sudden, they say, "Be careful." and I suddenly decide that it is a good idea! Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to the Obvious family. There is obviously a gene for not being able to refrain from pointing out the obvious.

Anyway, that is part one of the gathering. There is more, just no time for that now, so remember that in the land of the insane, the neurotic man is king! Ciao!