Pop Tarts and Naked Beavers, the quintessential Canadian breakfast

I am back. Did you think that I would not mention the goings on of those "Pop Tarts"? You have a drunk, coked out, anorexic Lindsay Lohan and in a new twist on the Toxic Twins (formerly Steve Tyler and Joe Perry of Aerosmith in their "we will get high on ANY and ALL drug" days), Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.

I could go on the same rant that Lynn Crosbie hit on the Globe and Mail today or even Amy Poehler's jokes on SNL (Weekend Update, which were rather funny). I have my own take. Being male, I see things differently than a female.

First let me say, functionally speaking, the naked beaver is best. Needing a machete to cut through the thick bush is no way to enjoy oneself. It is work and hacking up a hair ball or stray pubic hair is no fun. I had often thought of using those strays as dental floss but it never worked for me. In fact, it brings to mind Beck's new song, "Nausea" and that is just the sensation of a pube tickling the back of my throat, before I would hack it up.

I am not so bothered by the beaver shot. Being male, heterosexual male, it is something that I enjoy seeing. I have a penis, one that I am quite fond of, so I do not need to see any others, but I do not have a vulva (the wife's belongs to the wife). That being said, perhaps she could put on a thong. Britney is like a snail, leaving a trail of slime as she goes. They may have to burn the limo's seat (of course, there will be somebody sniffing it first).

That is always a good move in life, hanging with Paris Hilton. Notice in the picture that you can see Britney's C-section scar, too. She has a month old baby and this is how she is hanging out. I am not moralizing or anything. I think that the picture of her going barefoot into the gas station washroom is far more disgusting. The only problem is that with the paparazzi getting Britney's naked beaver shot, it actually makes Fed-Ex look like the responsible parent.

Then again, at 25 I was not mature enough to raise a child. Hell, at present, I am still not. Then again, there are no upskirt shots of my naked beaver or penis. Of course, who would want pictures of me? It is not like I am crazy and famous like Tom Cruise.

Well, that is all I have to say. Hell, it really is a matter of getting the picture out there anyway. It is worth 10,000 words. A naked beaver, c-section scar and Paris Hilton, who could ask for more. There we have it, the quintessential Canadian breakfast, Pop Tarts and naked beaver. Ciao!