Boring Buffalo

I am back. In thinking about the annual pilgramage to Buffalo, well it was more of me getting dragged, kicking and screaming, I am left with the question of why we go. It is not for the culture, unless shopping is considered culture. The Wife may think so, but just because one thinks something does not make it so.

I can remember going there back in the early 70s with my family. It was really fun then. We would always stop at this place called Hansen's in Lewiston, NY. It was a hole in the wall that sold great fish and chips. It was take out, so that meant eating in the car or outside if the weather was nice. They had one of those old soda machines, where you pulled the glass bottle out of the cooler as it was on its side. That was cool. I think my father had one of those in his drug store back around then, but I am rather fuzzy on that one. I could give you a rundown of the history of that store from about 1979 to 1995, when we sold. Anything earlier than 1979 and my memory is fuzzy.

The problem there is that I would occasionally be taken down to visit my father at work. I just do not recall certain things. I do recall the counter and the selection of gum and candy bars. I remember the boxes of Black Cat gum quite vividly. I remember some of the stores on the street that are no longer there, but I do recall them with an eye to the late 70s. I do remember the old Nortown theatre that was across the road and is now Nortown plaza, a poorly designed and placed strip mall with parking lot.

Anyway, then going to the US meant finding many different things that we could not get here. Not so anymore, alas. Even as far back as twenty years ago, I can remember finding things that were just unavailable here. On occasion I find some bargains, but other than Target and Denny's what is the point?

We did hit the Denny's for lunch on the day we arrived. Of course, that meant Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs for me. Since Willie was kind enough, or cruel enough only my hardened arteries know for sure, to introduce me to that delicacy back in Florida in 1985, I HAVE to order it whenever I make only a single trip to a Denny's. The only thing is that in Buffalo, I do not get it with a side of grits, which I will do in Florida or Las Vegas. That was fine eating, though the pancakes that came with my meal were making me want to puke. Maybe they should add some more fucking butter to them, the fat from the eggs and chicken fried steak just aren't enough to kill me.

We then hit the Outlet Mall. Considering we have tended to go on Friday the last few years, going on a Saturday was interesting. We had the one hour wait at the border, which sucked. The Outlet Mall was fairly crowded, which is good for the merchants. As usual there was nothing there. I mean how many GAPs, Old Navys and Banana Republics do I need to see and are they really any different?

We hit the hotel after that, which was nice. Then it was on to Burlington Crap, er Coat, Factory. That place just scares me. The people, the merchandise, the people buying the merchandise, I am not sure what scares me more. There was more FUBU stuff than you could shake a stick at. The best are the polyester suits, shirts and ties. It is a veritable brush fire waiting to happen. Walk by an open flame in that ensemble and WHOOOOOSH your clothes have melted to you, as if you were freebasing with Richard Pryor. (sorry to dredge that one up, but I recall him telling the story of that unfortunate incident and saying how his polyester shirt just melted to his melting skin when he caught fire).

Dinner was the usual American trough of food at Applebee's. They have really built up the area with family restaurants. We had the choice of Ruby Tuesday's, Friday's or Applebee's, same shit, different name. The burgers were good and I got a beer sample that was a good tumbler full of beer. Nothing like getting my buzz on in the USA. It was all good though.

I did find Chocolate Cap'n Crunch. It tastes like Count Chocula without the marshmallow bits. It is good. We did stock up the old cereal pantry. Too bad, they have discontinued Kaboom, which I have mentioned earlier. I would have loved to find some Quisp, too, but since Quaker was bought by Pepsi, I do not see them going with the odd ball, kitschy type of products. What can you do?

We made it home without incident and all is well. Now, I do not have to think about going back until next year. Yippee! Ciao!

See no stories about fat, tattooed people this time, though they were there in droves.