Tampon Talk

I am back. To show you where my mind is, I had a thought, just one unfortunately, on Friday. The Wife and I were watching television after we came home from dinner at her parents (man, I do go on about that). I caught a commercial for Tampax Pearl and it dawned on me, there has not been much innovation in the world of tampons.

I know that this is not a subject that really concerns me. I mean, it does, but not directly. I mean, it is not as if I menstruate. I, obviously, do not need to in order to be moody. My moodiness is biochemical and not really hormonal. I am a human emotional roller coaster, though the fucking highs are just not dizzying enough.

Anyway, what innovation has there really been. It is still really just a wad of cotton, with strings attached, that gets stuffed up a woman's nether regions, okay, vagina, when she has her period. I mean it beats the hell out of leaving a trail of blood as they walk or those old maxi pads that are so wide that a girl looks like she has just gotten off a horse.

The only thing that has changed has been the delivery vehicle. You have the cardboard Tampax applicator and then the plastic one, Playtex. Oh yeah, back in and around 1980, the time of Toxic Shock Syndrome, you had those OB tampons designed by a female gynecologist. Those came with no applicator and the woman inserted them herself. I do not recall any of my teenage friends of the time using them (that would have meant touching their vulvas and it seemed they did not do that. Then again, it did not stop them from allowing me, and my friends, to do it for them, but that is a story for another day).

What gives? Where is the innovation? They have innovated toothpaste (it took a while, though. Remember the 80s? The greatest innovation was putting the shit in a pump, that would clog, instead of a tube) but not tampons.

I told you it was just a thought. Which reminds me of a 23 year old story. I was going to my intro psychology class one morning. I caught two of my friends outside class, a male and female. Somebody said something and the female sort of snapped (it was a bit of an overreaction, but who cares really?). My male friend, who has been known to read this, says, "Somebody's in a bad mood." To which I responded, "You'ld be in a bad mood too, if you had a string sticking out of you." Oddly enough, there was laughter and I did not have my female friend whack me with her thick text. In retrospect, I may have enjoyed that, too.

Well enough about that and time to go. Ciao!