How to beat the heat. I said "heat" not "meat".

I am back. I have to make it quick but thought I would get this thought out while I remember it. It is hot around these parts. Sunny and hot. I am complaining but only because I am wearing long pants and socks, nothing else mind you, but pants and socks. I have to say, I really dislike wearing pants and socks in the heat. I am a shorts and no socks guy at heart.

Of course, I like my white, pipe cleaner like legs and toes to be shown to the world. The problem with going sockless is that in winter, it is mother fucking cold and in the summer, it is the hot, sweaty feet. The trouble with hot, sweaty feet is foot stink and the destruction of shoe innards (melted by the foot stench and heat).

About 20 years ago, I had bought a pair of white leather slip on shoes for the summer (I have the matching belt so I figured that in 40 years I would be ready to retire to Florida--to complain about the humidity, of course). Besides, I hate to tie up laces, too much time wasted. Anyway, I recall wearing the shoes that summer and being at my girlfriend's house one evening. I had worn the shoes but was barefoot in her house. There was this stench that could best be described as the smell from a goat's ass after it had eaten Taco Bell mixed with shit curry. I could not believe that the smell was coming from my feet. I guess leather shoes and foot sweat are a lethal combination.

I was just outside recently for a short walk and could feel the sweat building, at least I think it was sweat, in underwear. The ball sweat was, and is, in full bloom. I thought of a great invention......underwear with a built in fan. It is brilliant. A cool breeze helps keep the boys dry and the underwear dry, too.

I then thought that perhaps moving blades, for that is a fan, around such a sensitive area may not be such a good idea. There is a potential for such fun as an auto-John Bobbitt (cutting off your own penis), self-castration (that's gotta hurt) and where does the exhaust blow. How would it look if your pants, crotch and ass especially, were billowing in the breeze, when there was no breeze present. You would need a pair of Hammer's pants that could fill up with air. You would look like you were farting continuously. From what I hear, chicks do not dig gassy guys, and the one's that do, you should probably stay away from because they probably like the smell of my feet after a day in a pair of white leather shoes.

I am done with this for now. Ciao!