Weekend sign off

I am back. Nothing new to report. MIL is still having trouble "resting". She is agitated and anxious as she worries about what will be with FIL and the rest of us. Sad thing to fret about. She has no control over it and can do nothing to make any changes or effect what she would like to see, yet she is spending her dying days, which is what they are, fretting over things she cannot nor could not control.

In fact, she did not control what she could control. The Wife learned this from her. It is better to waste time and worry about things you cannot control and not take ownership and control the things you can control. It is ass-backward as nothing gets done and all you end up with is a feeling of helplessness. There is a psychology experiment in there somewhere. Is there any way I could get the Outlaws, either one at a time or en masse, in a Skinner Box? That I would love to see/observe. It would be good for a giggle. The point would be lost on them, though.

I will go have dinner at the condo with FIL and family. It is going to be creepy being there without MIL and with FIL. I am actually going to miss her incessant chatter about nothing. As annoying as it was, and is, I am seeing it is better than the alternative.....the future without her in our lives. Sad, sad, sad. That is all there is to it.

I am going to have a drink when I walk in that door. That I can tell you. I can only handle FIL without MIL around that way. Then again, I will have to show him I am not his bitch yet again. My brother in law is obviously his bitch and will be until the end. Not my duty and I have not got that strong affinity towards him to do that. Either I am bad or principled, or both.

With that, I say have a nifty weekend one and all. Ciao!

Same crap, different day

I am back. Not much new to report on the "watch" front, which is good. Not much is a good thing. My brain is shot from disjointed sleeps. Having a sobbing woman beside me does not help. I really feel for the Wife. This is really hard on her. She is very close with her mother and very much like her (for good and bad, as you cannot have one without the other). My only concern is that the Wife has not learned from MIL's mistakes and will repeat them.

The Wife is an interesting combination of both MIL and FIL. They are not a curious bunch, yet love to ask "why". It is a loaded question. I believe that if you ask "why", then invariably you are not a point to understand "why", in which case any answer cannot be understood or accepted. It is a question asked by those whose mind is not open to the answers. They are looking for an answer they want or like, not the answer. Most often, the answer does not satisfy them as they will not accept the whole reality. They want to cleave off the parts they want and leave the dirt or costs for somebody else. I guess I am that somebody else.

FIL does not really count anymore. MIL was never curious enough to ask questions and actually listen for the answers. She was too afraid of offending, so she made up her own answers. All assumptions but never tested. The Wife does this too and then compounds it all by not letting go of the assumptions. This way, facts that do not fit the assumption are ignored and avoided. It becomes a circle jerk of illogic and no logic can penetrate that barrier.

Well, that is some insight into the psychological underpinnings of the Outlaws. Not an introspective bunch. Afraid of what they might find perhaps? It is always easier for them all to avoid and point out the obvious.

Speaking of which, the phone rings and the Lad tells me that the phone is ringing. "No shit, Sherlock!" I have to shake his hand and thank him for pointing that out to me. Where would I be in the world without all these people?

Ciao!

The next phase begins

I am back. I am bringing you along with me on this "Death Watch". Sadly, that is what it is. They have settled MIL in Palliative Care at Baycrest. It is just a matter of making her comfortable and time. Apparently, FIL slept through the night last night and did not disturb MIL.

How is that for irony? The die has been cast, he has played a role, and the outcome he could least afford to have is upon him. Then he goes and does what he could not do before....sleep and not disturb MIL while she slept and allow her to get a night's rest. If he did not have such diminished capacity to actually understand (he has no clue what year it is), I would kick him in the nuts.

It is sad but true. I guess I am not nice. I can afford to be that way as I could never see FIL as a father figure to me. I lost, man I am careless, a wonderful father (not perfect, he was pretty fucking far from that) 17 years ago. I carry the loss to this day. I cannot necessarily articulate the sense of it, but there is something missing. I guess I could try to fill that hole with alcohol or drugs....wait that is a great idea, be right back.

Well, that did not work, but it did feel good for a few minutes there. Anyway, what was I going on about...oh yeah, FIL. Yeah, he was never a father figure to me, and Lord knows, I could use one. He failed me there, but it was not his responsibility. Then again, I think he failed his own children in that as well.

I did not know it or notice at the early stages but he was never engaged with me, or his children, grandchildren, or any other relatives or people that I could tell. That was and is him. That said, in the early days, I had a hard time looking at him. I could only think he was giving me that "You are fucking my daughter?" look, but I was wrong. He avoided thinking about such things. I guess it was I that was giving him that "I am fucking your daughter, what are you gonna do about it?" look.

All I can say is I am thankful that I have a son and not a daughter because that would drive me crazy. I feel bad for each of my friends with daughters. Not that they had girls, which is lovely. It is that they will look at every guy their daughter brings home and wonder if he is fucking their little girl. Not a pleasant thought, if you are a father. You kind of hope that they are lesbians at that point (shades of Dennis Leary, Tommy Gavin, on Rescue Me).

That is all for today.

Is this the start of the death watch?

I am back. Just when I think I understand the Outlaws, things change. Maybe my problem is that I see things as they are and know the outcome of any course of action, or inaction, they take. It always ends the same way because the only strategy employed is hope. Hope is not a strategy.

Anyway, the latest, which is in many ways the most convenient for us, is that MIL is going into palliative care at a hospital nearby us. It is part of the same geriatric center where FIL has his "club". Club is funny as it activities shared by like minded, or lost minded, people. This is just another reason why I have often found myself living the Groucho Marx line of "never wanting to belong to a club that would have somebody like me for a member". This "club" of my FIL's is further proof of my not wanting to belong to that club.

Anyway, as much as my MIL would like to be at home, she cannot. FIL is impossible at night and keeps disturbing her. The hospital bed in the other room for my MIL was a good start. Some physical separation may let her get some rest and leave her less weary. FIL has a way of screwing up those plans because nobody factors in the fact that he does not listen and is DEMENTED. He is like a toddler without the cuteness. He walks like a toddler, too, so you never know when he will fall while walking.

The solution always seemed to me to be twofold. Sedate him and restrain him. I am not sure the restraints are a good idea, but he NEEDS to be sedated through the night. It may not be so much for him as it is for the care giver. Then again, if she cannot put up with him, then he is fucked. So, it really is for his own good, ultimately.

It is funny that I had asked the question of what if he outlives her. That scenario is upon us and I knew it as a possible outcome. The whole next step will be very interesting. The status quo is what it is. At least, with MIL close by, visiting will be easy for the Wife and we can get there quickly if the need arises.

Blah! I wish I had happier news or thoughts to report but this is front and center in my life right now. This is the way it is right now and it will change. In that change, will be opportunity, so I am alert, or alert as somebody can be when waking up at five in the morning to talk the Wife from the proverbial anxiety ledge. There is an upside to being laid back and removed from one's own life.

Well, I hope y'all had nice weekends (fucking awesome weather in these parts). Ciao!

Who's your bitch?

I am back. I could not post on Friday. Ran into a bit of an emergency. Mother in law (MIL) took a bit of a turn. I had to pick up the Lad from school, so my day was cut short. MIL is okay but they have gone to make her comfortable. That is palliative care. She has all the pain meds she needs and is not in any pain. Sleeping the time away, but not in pain.

Dinner at the Outlaws on Friday was a real treat. MIL sleeping in bed, pre-morphine drip. Father in law (FIL) tries to put his uneaten chicken on my plate. Chicken on his fork, which as I think about it, was in his mouth. Ewwwww! Fuck that!!

Anyway, he turns his germy chicken fork with the piece of bird he wants to unload, towards my plate. I look him square in the eye and say, "Don't you dare! You have been told to leave it on your plate, so put it back on your plate." He backs off so quickly. It was beautiful. He would eventually put it on my brother in law's plate. I do not care about that. I am not his bitch! His son is obviously his bitch.

I will not hold his piss bucket. I am not his bitch. I held my dad's piss bucket, did it well, actually. I was his bitch. I am not my FIL's bitch. His son is his bitch and I will not stop that.

Happy thoughts and ciao!

Forever Ducky

I am back. I am not one for CBS sitcoms. I was thinking about "Two and a Half Men" the other day. I started to think of Jon Cryer. Recall back in the 80s he was the poor man's Matthew Broderick. Where Matthew Broderick got choice roles, WarGames, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, etc. Jon Cryer got "Max Duggan Returns". He got the shit end of things.

Think about it. Even when he got to work for John Hughes and then star, Molly Ringwald, he did not get the leading role. He got the 2nd banana, possibly gay, but certainly uncool friend part. He will forever be known as Ducky from "Pretty in Pink".

I was thinking of putting that cast in the "where are they now" file. Where is Molly Ringwald? What about Andrew Dice Clay? Andrew McCarthy? Okay, James Spader and Jon Cryer got TV jobs. But where the fuck are they now?????

Even when both Cryer and Broderick worked with John Hughes, it was Matthew Broderick that got the cool role. The hero, the righteous dude. Not Cryer. He got to be Ducky.

Now, he gets to work with Charlie Sheen, who at least got to play a "hood" in Ferris Beuller. Funny how things work. Then again, Jon Cryer could be Andrew McCarthy? Ain't that sad?

Ciao!

Thursday and Friday Night Funnies

I am back. I have to say this, not about the weekend that was, as that was stressful in a way, but Thursday night I was out with some of the old Frat boys. It was rather fun. Willie was in fine form, as usual. WO was waiting as he had to venture south, though we were decidedly midtown.

We went to the Miller Tavern. I had not been there since the place was renovated and turned into a more upscale establishment. The last time I was there was in the mid 80s and it was the Jolly Miller, a rat hole place to drink, drink, drink until you stink, stink, stink. The beer was cheap and flowed. It had to, so that it could be used to dilute the puke and piss that was on the floor. Well, it was dark and I am only going by memory of the smells of the place. It was kind of a scary place to be, without being downtown. Skiddly, as well. It was great in a strange sense.

Now, it is quite nice. Renovated. The smells seem to have been removed. It was a pleasant evening of reverie and light drinking. I have to say that Stu pussied out of the evening. I mean, I know he is busy with work, but I think July's get together frightened him. I think he is afraid of Willie.

I think he is afraid of the fact that he cannot handle the pressure of having married guys want to live vicariously, sexually speaking, through him. I do not know. He is a good guy and his conversation was missed.

That is all. I do have some grand stuff written down waiting to be turned into gold. It will happen.

I have to say this about the Outlaws. It was a real annoying Friday night dinner. My father in law was in fine form. I think he deserved a good shot from a taser, myself. The Wife's aunt, uncle, cousin and cousin's kids (3 years and 2 months old) were over for dinner (they brought it). The cousin asked her 3 year old if she wanted "Uncle H." to do his Donald Duck, which sounds remarkably like my father in law just trying to carry on a conversation, but that is just me. She said "no", but my father in law does it anyway. The kid whines and we tell my father in law to stop. He keeps doing it, though.

All you hear is two of the most annoying sounds....a bad Donald Duck imitation and a three year old girl whining to stop. This went on for about fifteen to twenty minutes. At one point, he actually follows the girls (the Wife, her cousin and the daughter) into the kitchen and continues the symphony of annoyance after continually being asked to stop. My mother in law was not amused. She is pissed with him. I think she would smother him in bed if she had the strength, or it is what I would do if she had the strength. I finally had to get up and remove him from the kitchen. Of course, that did not stop the fucking Donald Duck talk.

Then again, the Donald Duck talk is no worse than the gibberish that passes for thoughts coming from him now. Sad...but true.

Well, that is my story for now. Ciao!

Nobel Peace Prize....MY ASS!

I am back. Friday was really busy, so no post with lots to say. I will spread things out as thoughts did occur and I wrote them down. Mostly, while I was driving, which was not the safest thing to do, but what the hell.

Well, the rant of the day is this......Al Gore wins the Nobel Peace Prize, along with the UN Climate Change Committee. Is there a problem here, you ask? What is the problem here you ask?

It is nice to know that the Nobel Committee is the same august body that has bestowed its "coveted" Peace Prize on such luminaries as noted and unabashed terrorist and kleptocrat, Yassir Arafat, and the UN and Kofi Annan, then Secretary-General, who helped foment and bring you that wonderful performance piece, "Genocide in Rwanada".

Given that, it is understandable how Gore and his band of fear mongerers can win a Nobel Peace Prize. I mean, the vacuous windbag (whose speachifying has to set records for carbon dioxide spewed into the atmosphere) brought you Live Earth. There the enormous carbon footprint of the event (all that flying of acts/stars and consumption of water in plastic bottles and the waste that goes along with that, not to mention the costs, environmentally, of bottling and shipping the water, and that is just one example) was justified by said Mr Gore as being okay as it brought "awareness" of the issue of climate change and global warming.

Excuse me for saying this but I think any half-wit can be aware of it by sticking their head outside and looking around. Perhaps, they could read a newspaper or watch the television news. They could see it on the Internet. I mean with all those naked, nubile women doing such wonderful things to naked men, it must be bloody warm. Why else would they be prancing around naked. It ain't hard to figure out.

The justification of Live Earth and its environmental costs by Al Gore is ridiculous. Then again, George Orwell predicted him back in 1949, with "1984" (a fine year I might add). Recall, "War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength". Now add, "Wasting Resources is Awareness". Fuck Al Gore!

If Al Gore wanted to be of some use, perhaps, just perhaps, he could get off his high horse, turn the lights down in his place in Tennessee, stop railing about the problem and help come up with a way to adapt along with reducing emissions. His "plan" is really no plan at all. It is just playing Chicken Little and telling us that the sky is falling. It may be, but it does not help us deal with the fallout. We cannot turn back the hands of time and fix it. Emission reduction, ala Kyoto, will not help. It may be PART of the solution, but will do NOTHING in and of itself.

The fucking Nobel Prize Committee has botched in the past (see Arafat and the Kofi Annan UN) and they have done it again. Falling for a vacuous windbag. I now hope that he runs for President. Let us all see him actually lead and do something. Besides, it would be fun to watch him campaign again.......and find a way to lose!

That is all for today's rant! Ciao!

I finally came back.

I am back. I am glad I posted on Monday. I did not expect to be so busy Tuesday and Wednesday, let alone today. It is good. I did have one fuck up that I had to fix on Tuesday. It was a cluster fuck of a mistake. It was the mistake that kept on giving. I like to view it all as one mistake that occurred last Thursday. To right the thing, I had to go to Burlington during rush hour. Needless to say, I will not get back those three hours of my life, but it was my own damn fault.

In any event, nobody died. I was going to go on about the wedding on Sunday. It had its moments of niceness. The ceremony was held outside and the Outlaws came, all dressed up, for the ceremony. That was really nice. My mother in law got a great reaction and reception from her family and friends there. There was a bit of walking involved, so the whole ordeal seemed to tire her out. My father in law was there in body. He did recognize my mother in law, called her "his wife" and even pointed out his sister who is in from Israel.

I drank well. I ate well. I was happy to leave. I was groggy the next morning. Of course, waking up at 5:22 to take a piss does not help.

I have had a sense of impending doom all week, though. I cannot shake it. I think I am just being negative or just reacting to negative energy around me. I do not like it.

Then again, the Wife is in a bit of a snit. She is not sleeping because she keeps worrying that if she goes to sleep the phone will ring in the middle of the night with bad news. Try getting her to understand that even if she is up the phone could ring. She now dreads the phone ringing. I do not blame her. As I have said, I do not think that I have received good news over the phone. That could just be a matter of perception.

Well, tonight I am going out with the frat guys. I would love if Hayeems could make it, but he is in San Fran and was not even invited. Besides, I have not heard from him since March. What can you do?

That is all for now. Ciao!

A Weekend to Thanful for

I am back. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving. I am giving thanks today and every day.

This has been quite a weekend. I am thankful that the Outlaws were able to come to the wedding ceremony of their neice (the Wife's cousin). I am actually thankful that I was able to spend time with the extended Outlaw clan. I am thankful that I got to see the Wife's cousins from Montreal (he is a bull of a man with a heart of gold, wrapped up in a 1960s Hanna-Barbera Cartoons, mind you, and his lovely wife, they are such good folk to be around.) I am thankful that wine was flowing at the wedding, last night. I am thankful for the smoked salmon hors d'ourves last night. I am thankful for the lobster fritters, last night. I am thankful that I got to watch the Lad enjoy himself stuffing his face with those same lobster fritters and smoked salmon hors d'ourves last night. Most of all I am thankful that there was booze to take the edge off at the Outlaws' on Friday night. Oh yeah, and the fact that I am healthy, my immediate family is healthy and we received some more days with my mother in law.

Quite the weekend, indeed.

Thanksgiving is back

I am back. I am about to break for the long (Canadian) Thanksgiving Weekend. I guess I do have a lot to be thankful for, and I am. I can see that. It still does not stop those little life annoyances, but it puts them in proper perspective.

We have a wedding this weekend. The Wife's cousin is getting married. My father in law's sister's youngest. I am not sure if the Outlaws will be going. It will be a small affair, yet I forsee the aunt doing her best to turn the day into "all about her". It will be interesting to see if the bride's sister comes in from New York (with or without husband and children). She did not come for her brother's wedding two years ago.

When I say interesting, it is curiosity only. I really could care less if I ever see, or hear her annoying voice, again. Pretentious Cunt is how I see her. At least, there will be booze. Of course, the price for that is to be among the extended Outlaw clan. Let that be a lesson for us all, there is no such thing as a free lunch, or free booze.

Now, I get to go to the Outlaws. My sister in law, brother in law and three of their kids are in from Dayton. I also have to deal with a pissed of Wife. She is pissed off at her sister who changed plans to meet with professionals dealing with my father in law. Originally, the meeting was set for 11 this morning, which would have allowed the wife to go and then pick up the Lad from school. Then her sister changed the time to 2 pm and was going to come into Toronto until today. Not only did she not consult the Wife on that one, she did not even tell her about the changed time. How is the Wife going to sit through this meeting and then get across the city to pick up the Lad at 3:30?

It gets better. At 11 am, the Wife speaks to her sister and they had not even hit the border yet. So, the upshot is this, my sister in law is a tool. She not only changed the time without any consideration for the Wife, but she is not going to be there. Therefore, she royally screwed her sister for no fucking reason. Dumb shit! And now, I have to sleep with a pissed off wife.

It may not be my business, but when it disturbs my life and home, then it becomes my issue. It is at that point, I have EVERY right to open my mouth. Then again, if I do not, nobody else in that family of avoiders will. Save Yourself! That is my motto. I cannot and will not save somebody from themselves. It is always a losing proposition.

I gotta run! I hope that the booze is flowing tonight and all weekend! Ciao and Have a great weekend one and all. Reflect on what you have to be thankful for, you will feel better when you do. Ciao!

This statement is false

I am back. Not much to say but I do have to comment. It is official Hell has Frozen Over. That is the only way that I can figure that Kevin Federline is the "better" (that is relative) parent in any couple. How fucking low do you have to stink, er sink, to have Kevin Feder-fucking-line be ruled a more responsible parent by a judge. Brittney, what the fuck is up with that, yahhh?

What kind of world do we live in? Next thing you know, somebody will tell that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy do not exist. I am wondering about the Tooth Fairy. I keep putting an old tooth under my pillow and all I get when I wake up is the same grotty, old tooth. It is not one of mine, but the least the Tooth Fairy could do is leave a note, so that I can stop the charade. It is kind of like Linus (from Peanuts) and the Great Pumpkin. (great reference for October and I did not plan that one. I am in sync with the universe, or so I tell myself)

The Lad has a half assed belief in the Tooth Fairy. He cannot prove it is me. He has written letters with questions, which I have answered. I use a font a that looks like handwriting. I am pretty funny, then again, that is just my opinion. For the sake of this post, that is all that matters, though.

I hate to go on about Brittney, I really do. There is nothing to be said. She has done it all. Driving with the kid in her lap, shaving her head, showing off her shaved and C-section scarred snatch, walking into a gas station restroom barefoot. She has lived the life of 10 men. Oh yeah, locking lips with Madonna. I mean how many guys have wanted to do that, okay in the mid-80s. At least, 2 I figure. I am not going to go on about her performance at the MTV Awards (not that I saw it, nor would I really want to see it, though some of the musical performers on the show over the years have been great---Krist Novoselic of Nirvana knocking himself silly when he tossed his bass in the air only to have it land by hitting his head--fucking gravity).

Brit is a piece of work. That is all that I can say. We should lay off her or round her, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Nicole Ritchie (heaven help us all that she is passing her DNA on to another generation) up and send them on a non-stop flight into the sun. They can bring Rosie O'Donnell along for the ride, as a sort of bus mummy.

That is all I want to say on that. I gotta run. Ciao!

I need a change of scenery

I am back. The muse still is not speaking to me. I think that I need a change of scenery. A change of routine is needed around these parts. Either that or a good dirt nap. Then again, there is no writing after the dirt nap. It is one of those funny things. You take a dirt nap (die and get buried), you cannot seem to chronicle the experience. At least not directly. You can always "communicate" through somebody....like in "Ghost".

I never really liked that movie, but hated "Dirty Dancing". It must be some anti-Patrick Swayze thing. I did kind of like "The Outsiders" but maybe that was because I liked Ralph Macchio. Well, I liked the fact that he was about 40 and playing teenagers. As I think about it, I am not so sure what I liked about that either. Disregard that half-assed thought.

From now on, I want my thoughts to be full assed. I am making that commitment in writing. Then again, what is that worth?

I need a change of scenery. I am not sure where to get it at this moment in time, however. Well, "Heroes" was enjoyable. The Petrelli aftermath. Nathan becoming like Peter, confused and morose, along with the beard and Peter trying to regain his memory, and control of his absorbed powers. It was fun, fun, fun. And the Haitian returned, which was cool.

That is all. It is sad when I can only write about television. Ciao!

Fun Fun Fun

I am back. This will be quick. I do not recall much of my weekend. There was booze at the Outlaws. We cracked open yet another bottle of old Courvoissier (however you spell it). I needed it. It was not that my father in law was in rare form. I just needed the brain lubrication. I did not like hanging with the Outlaws when I was sober before the illnesses and stuff, so why should this be any different.

They had a "new" weekend live in. The usual one had another engagement. She introduces the Lad to the new one with the wrong name. Then my father in law calls the Lad the wrong name (he does it constantly, he is not far off, but he is still wrong). I turn to the Lad and then ask him his name. I am starting to think that we named him incorrectly.

We got to get out of there just after 8. The Outlaws now go to bed between 7 and 8. How sad is that? I just do not get it. There is life to be lived, with a finite time that is pretty known, yet there is this insistance of "waiting" for things to happen. They must make them happen. Well, not my father in law, since he never reallyh did that and won't now.

I am done for today. It was a pretty useless post, but I have been busy, so what can I say. Ciao!