The Last Post for 2007

I am back. No talk of Pakistan today. Though, did you notice that Benazir Bhutto's 19 year old son was named head of the party that she was "President FOR LIFE" from. I do not trust the Pakistani government with the truth here, but neither do I trust the family or her party, either. I reserve judgment.

That is grist for another day.....at Hypocrite's Corner. Man, I am so sick of the phonies. This Holden Caulfield moment was brought to you by.....LIFE.

Enjoy the inherent bullshit of life and have a happy new year!

Ciao!

Would it really be so bad if the apes took over?

I am back. Actually, taken aback. All that talk from Pakistan. All the blame being meted out as to who is to "blame" for Benazir Bhutto's assassination (2 asses again). Blame Musharraf. Blame Al Qaeda. Blame the US for supporting Musharraf. So much blame to go around and so little time. I have not heard anybody saying that Bhutto, herself, or her political party bore any responsibility.

This was all inevitable. Her party spokesman did not say she had died but was "martyred". That is the big problem. Calling the act of a violent death "martyrdom". It can only be so if something good comes of it. Tell me, what good is going to come of this. It is the same old fucking story on the sub-continent. The names and "players" may change but the situation and outcome stays the same. Death and poverty and ignorance!

Fuck it all and blame Canada! Or start a jihad against stupidity and blind, ideological and theocratic obedience. I am not sure where any self respecting Lord views blind obedience and ignorance in his name as a virtue. I would think the skeptic would be preferred. Again, that is me, a thinking, sentient human being.

I am thinking that maybe the takeover by the apes may not be such a bad thing. I recall the "cute" chimp from Planet of the Apes (the remake with Helena Bonham Carter). I mean she was cute and all, but I am not so sure I could have gotten past all the body hair. That is my issue, but I like my woman smooth and as hairless as possible, with hair on her head of course, a white woman with a shaved head is just freakish. Then again, the use of wigs, could spice up the look, too, so I will keep an open mind to that.

I think I may be scrapping the bottom of the barrel as I muse on man-monkey love. As I think about that, I am finding myself kind of disturbed by my own imagination. Given a monkey's feral ways, I am not too sure that I would want to consider a blowjob given by a monkey or chimp. That is one "banana" I do not want something to try to bite a chuck out of.

I will leave you with that one for a while. Have a good one. Ciao!

The Prophecy Is Coming True

I am back. Well, I see that Benazir Bhutto was assassinated (that is a pretty funny word, too. It has TWO "ass"es, which is four buttocks, which is pretty funny, if you think about it) today. The prophecy has been fulfilled (I am into this "prophecy" shit a bit too much lately, but it is true).

This is sad but far from shocking. It was only a matter of time. Her father was hanged, her brothers assassinated, she was nearly blown up when she came back "home" to rescue her country....her lawless, poor with nukes, failing state of a country.

World leaders have condemned the killing. A glorious show of outrage is what it is. Of course, they condemn it. If it can happen to her, it can happen to them. Then again, how many of them, world leaders, are living and vieing to govern......anarchy. Actually, it is worse than anarchy because the snakes are living amongst the rats.......cannot trust either or any..........the trap is set and it is back to Sodom and Gammorah, well without the sodomy and really without that, what is the point. If you are condemned for your sins, they may as well be as hedonistic as possible. Go out in pain but with a smile and your balls empty.

To any female readers (doubtful, they have much better taste than to be here), I apologize for the last comment. As empathetic as I am, and I am a hyperempath, I just do not understand the mechanism of female orgasm. I know it exists, I just do not know how to comprehend "how" it feels, physically. Then again, the silver lining in that cloud for me, is that I do not understand the pain of childbirth, either. So I am missing the pleasure and the pain, which is the whole.....How fucking deep is that?!!!

Well, back to the present. You see all this shit happening in Pakistan. Where is Pakistan? Immediately west of India. What is happening in India? Monkeys are attacking people. Well, the Pakistanis are obviously paving the way for the apes to take over. They are obviously giving up and trying to curry (funny term when talking about India) favor with our simian soon-to-be overlords. The Planet of the Apes prophecy is upon us. Mark my words!

Ciao!

The Prophecy May Be Coming True

I am back. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, whether you celebrate or not. The prophecy has been foretold and so it begins......by the way AMC is running a Planet of the Apes marathon (all five original movies on New Years Eve Day or New Years Day, not sure which).

The prophecy of the Planet of the Apes foretold the story of a future Earth where man was "overturned" and enslaved by apes. Well, in India, the monkeys have started attacking. Apparently, in India, monkeys are considered sacred (along with cows and just about every other animal except Muslims and Untouchables....go figure, how man, or certain men, rank lower on their evolutionary scale than cows and monkeys). People feed them, so they have become quite aggressive especially near Delhi. Anyway, even the deputy mayor was attacked and killed by monkeys there.

See, the monkeys have started the rebellion. We have to put them, well, they since I do not see any self-respecting monkey coming to Canada and doing that shit here. I mean, one good cold snap, frozen metal, monkey scrotum and balls getting stuck to frozen metal, monkey looks to get the hell out of the cold (after figuring out a way to unstick his nuts from the metal). So, myself, where I am, I am not really concerned for my own safety here. That is why India is ground zero.

Anyway, monkeys are attacking but the humans are too afraid to put them in their place. They are monkeys for crying out loud. Throw some feces at them, they understand that shit, pun intended. The future is writ large, if only the Indians will heed it. They have to put an end to it now or someday soon, somebody will be heard to exclaim "Get your filthy paws off of me, you damned dirty ape!"

Happy Boxing Day for those so inclined. Keep an eye out for monkeys if you dare brave the shopping, and shooting if in downtown Toronto, crowds. Ciao!

Funky (c)old man Stink!

I am back. Actually, this is a follow up to the posting of the other day when I compared old men to babies. It is kind of funny.

FIL is to be out of the hospital and off to the home tomorrow. The Wife swung by the condo to pick up some of his personal effects, clothes and other belongings of his. No problem. She loads the car with them.

I have to run some errands and find myself in our car, not the fucking Beast. I am driving with FIL's stuff in the car and start to wonder what is that strange, funky odor I am smelling in the car. I cannot place it, but something sure smells, and it isn't good.

I look around and see FIL's belongings and clothing. Then, I am struck with the answer. FIL's stuff is what is stinking up the car. The car is now full of "Old Man Stink".

My car smelled like funky, old man stink! Blahhh!

I have not been in the car today and the Wife did unload his stuff, but I wonder if the funk remains. I do not know how long I can drive with that old man stink permeating my very being. Blahhh!!!! I need a shower just thinking of it.

Ciao!

Not much to say, but I will say it anyway

I am back. What is this....three days in a row? four? I really should look. But then again, does it really matter? All that matters is that I am back. I could even be all the way back, but let's see how the holidays go for that to be sure.

Funny, though it is not funny, I do not have much to say today.

Is it just me or is there a "small dick" problem in this world? Given all the spam emails I have been getting lately, I think there is a real "small dick" problem. I wonder if there is anything that can be done about it, besides sending me spam. I mean, why waste my time? I do not care. I am happy with my dick. I have grown attached to it, or it to me. We get along just fine. He does his thing and I do mine and we are happy that way.

Just thought I would share that with y'all. Ciao!

Babies vs Old Men

I am back. This will be short. I noticed something about FIL yesterday. I realized he is like an infant. Well, with an infant, you do get things in miniature, cute and that new baby smell, which is always nice. With FIL, you have have paunchy, flabby, liver spots and other marring features and old man stink.

On second thought, he is more like an infant from hell. Take away the good stuff and this is what you are left with....old man stink.

Sad but true and it can happen to you. Live fast! Die young! That is my new motto and mantra for 2008. We can now take odds on whether I will survive the year! Woohoo!

Ciao!

FIL ride, er slides, again

I am back. I did not post yesterday and I do not know why. Be that as it may, I am back. Well, I have had quite the day. All was going well, well except for a tire issue that I let fester. Little did I know, when FIL gave up the car (had it taken from his demented fingers, or the keys at least) he had put snow tires on the front wheels. That now explains the all season tires in the trunk. Anyway, we have had the beast since February of 2006, so I have been using those damn snow tires through the summers of 06 and 07.

Anyway, one of the tires has been getting flat. Because of the softness of the rubber in snow tires, the fucking thing started to split. I had meant to take it in and at least get the tire switched to one in the trunk. Today, the urgency grew.

I get a call around two thirty from the Wife to go see FIL. Apparently, he "fell" out of the wheelchair and they could not get him back up. An ambulance had been called. I arrive, notice the tire looks like it could go at any minute, but run up to the unit. The ambulance is already there. FIL is back up in the wheelchair, belted in.

The paramedics learned a valuable lesson. FIL is a pain in the ass. He had slid, slowly no doubt, out of the wheelchair on to the hardwood floor. The paramedics had a bitch of time getting him up, what with his general uselessness in such manners (I told you before, it is dead weight and like college cops having to clear students from a sit in, without the sense of a cause) and the slidy factor of the hardwood floor.

They got him up eventually, into the chair, and buckled him in. He undid the belt. They did it back up. He undid the belt. This went on until one of the paramedics got smart and did the belt up under his shirt. To get to it, he would have to look and work......things that he never had to do when MIL was around, so he does not possess those skills.

The paramedics asked me what they should do. They had checked his vital signs and all was "normal". I thought they should check them again if they thought there was anything "normal" about FIL. Anyway, I sent them on their way since there is no point in taking him to an ER. This has been done to death. Of course, they could have taken him outside and tossed him under a bus, but he would have liked that and would not have to have done anything for it, so not a good idea.

I think my mother is right. I am cruel. Then again, it is all in how you judge cruel and all those who sail in her.

I went back but could tell the tire was going to die at any time. I had wanted to get to my mechanics near my home. I am driving and the steering is getting strange and I am hearing a strange noise. The tire had died. Forunately, all I had to do was get down a steep, snowy hill and I would hit a gas station parking lot to pull over in. I did. Called CAA and they put on the donut. I drove to my mechanics who charged me $20 to change the tire and sent me on my way.

All in all, it could have been much worse. So, now I drive the beast with one snow tire and three all season tires on it. The next snow fall will be fun. I do have to say that the car was pretty good in the few snowstorms, and their aftermath, in which I drove the Beast.

To top things off, FIL has shingles. Now, the Wife is worried that we may have to delay FIL's move into the home. Sadly, I think his time has come (in some ways not soon enough) and it will be soon. He has completely given up and is no help at all in his own existence. Yet, he is still eating, so he is fueling himself up and could outlive us all. All on the basis of obliviousness.

The best part is this, his youngest sister, the Wife's completely narcissistic, idiot aunt, who felt it in good taste to show pictures of her daughter's wedding and grandchildren to anybody unlucky enough to have to listen to her at MIL's shiva (somehow a time of rememberance of the departed, MIL, became all about her) is away on a cruise while her brother is going to a home. Nobody around these parts could stand to her wail "My big brother! You can't put him in a home." again. The obvious solution to that would have been, "You do not want that, then you can have him live with you." Let's see her put her money where he mouth is. That will never happen.

That is all for now. Keep digging out of the snow. We did get dumped something fierce this weekend. That was a lot of snow. The snow banks are now a good six feet high. I have not seen anything like that since I was in Winnipeg (in July, I might add....no February). The last time I recall that kind of accumulation around here was in early 1999 and that took a number of snowfalls in quick succession. Ciao!

Obama Mamas

I am back. Better late than never. This makes 3 days in a row, a modern day record. I have only one thing to say today. I caught Oprah at a Barack Obama rally over the weekend. It seems she has come out and endorsed him as her candidate for President of the United States.

As an aside, is it just me or has the whole election cycle in the US shortened to the point that a good year and half before the election, the process, the long and boring process, begins. It is just wrong and too long. It also does not lead to good leaders (see GWB).

Anyway, she has made Barack Obama her candidate and he hopes that many an Oprah-loving woman follows Oprah's lead. I am thinking that these voters could henceforth be known as "Obama Mamas". Therefore, any woman who votes for Barack Obama is now to be known as an Obama Mama.

There I wanted to coin a phrase and you are all my witnesses. Ciao!

My FIL stories may be coming to an end

I am back. Two days in a row! Pretty impressive.

This will be short and sweet. Unfortunately, it is another FIL post, but I think it is funny, in a sad and pathetic sort of way. We are putting FIL in a private home that can accommodate his needs (he needs a mother, really, or a nanny, which is sort of what he has now). Anyway, in the midst of all this he tells the caregiver, yesterday, to just shoot him and end it.

Now, that was a lucid moment! Then again, he has remained so consistent. Ever the dependent, he wants somebody else to do "for" him. Not the he is capable of doing himself in, but he WANTS somebody else to do it for him.

As I said, funny and sad all rolled into a neat little package.

Ciao! Enjoy the snowy eve.

More FIL fun!

I am back. Just an update. FIL is sliding. Apparently, he was rushed to the hospital yesterday because the doctor who did his blood work on Monday was unfamiliar with him and has freakish body. He saw the levels of kidney metabolites and thought he was in kidney failure.

I get a call from a crying Wife as to what she should do. Dialysis or no dialysis. My brother in law was leaning for dialysis. He wants to prolong his father's life as a blob. Here, live longer but you can do NOTHING productive with that time, unless you consider annoying those around you as productive (sometimes, I do, but that is just me and it is done with intent, not like it is with him).

Anyway, the Wife gets to the hospital and they compare the levels of Monday with those in August, when had that stay in the hospital, and they had not changed. He was at baseline, for him.

He also had been having difficulty walking. In fact, on Sunday he was apparently calling for MIL and screaming that he could not feel his legs. Of course, even before this he could not be counted on to articulate what he was feeling and where (this is the dude who after a hospital stay for his heart and stuff told people he was in for ptomaine poisoning--it was a "What-the-Fuck?!" moment for me. When I heard him say that, I had taken him down to his office and he saw the dudes next door, I just said "What the fuck?, what planet are you on? Whoever said anything about poisoning, let alone, ptomaine poisoning, when you were in the hospital?"

It is like an infant who is ill but cannot tell you what is wrong. Then again, he had MIL to do it all for him, so he never bothered to make that connection. Then again, it would be lost by now. Anyway, during his fall of two weeks ago, when I had to come at 5 am to lift him off the bathroom floor, he apparently broke two of his toes. That may explain the walking difficulty, though not so sure about not feeling his legs.

Personally, I would have flicked him in the forehead and ask if he felt that. But then again, I am cruel, as my mother keeps telling me. Anyway, he is back home and will be sent to a nice home. The Wife cannot take much more of this. She cannot grieve her mother's loss while she worries about his present.

Well, that was yesterday. It went from panic and the end is near to status quo and the end is still near, just not immediate. One day this will all end. Of course, the Wife, and her siblings, will be orphans. Then again, only the Wife will truly feel the loss, of her mother, as she was the closest to her.

That is all for now. Ciao!

WalMart, All of the Day and All of the Night!

I am back. It has been ten days and those days have been CRAZY, especially Monday through Wednesday. That, of course, is a story for another day. The point is that I am back and I hope to be more regular, both with my posting and moving my bowels. Who is kidding whom here, I have no trouble with the latter (more information than you wanted?).

I caught this radio ad the other night. It said that WalMart was open 24 hours, or at least selected locations, during the holiday season. Now there is something that I want to see. I go to WalMart during the light of day and I think it is a freakshow. Picture that in the dark of night or early morning. My mind is spinning.

Who the fuck knows what kind of freaks will be hanging in the aisles under those flourescent lights? In any event, I would not go unarmed (camera, notebook, taser) this shit has to be documented. I am thinking it could make for a great "human" hunting ground. Capture a freak, even digitally or on film. Now, that is a trophy. Chop off a head, stuff it and mount it over the fireplace. THAT is a conversation piece.

I am telling you. It will be like a veritable rogues gallery of villians, like they appeared in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The more I think about it. Again, I have never been up at three in the morning with a hankering to hit the WalMart, that is just me. I had enough trouble being there in the early evening (though it looked like night to me) in frigid (an understatement) Portage La Prairie, Manitoba in February. I just cannot imagine the freakshow that would appear at three in the morning this time of year.

Besides, do they really NEED to be open 24 hours? It is a bit of overkill as far as I see it. Midnight, maybe but 24 hours?????? How is Gus, the elderly (been dead for a year but nobody has been kind enough to inform him) greeter, supposed to stay awake? Does this mean Gus will be given speed. So now we have Gus the Speedfreak as the MC of the Freakshow! Thank you, WalMart. The world is now safe, well safer than the WalMart, because you have given these mutants a temporary home.

Chew on that one a while. Ciao.