Another Detour from Dayton

I am back. I am saving the best part of the Dayton story including the journey home for tomorrow (I hope). In fact, I am pre-empting the regularly scheduled posting for breaking news (though the news broke on Saturday). Actually, it is not news at all, just something I found funny (which could mean anything from somebody falling flat on their face to something really funny).

It is Saturday. The Wife is at the home visiting FIL and I am charged with picking the Lad up from his friend's house by 3. I am on time (will wonders never cease?) and he gets in the car. I figure that I have not visited FIL in about 2 weeks, I was due. I ask/tell the Lad that we are going to visit FIL. He is fine with that, figuring he will see his mother, the Wife.

We get there and they (FIL, Wife, caregiver and my brother in law) sitting in the common area for the singing. Every Saturday, they have somebody come in and lead a sing a long, singing old time standards. In fact, there is one woman there who has a singing voice like MIL had (it ain't good) but like MIL, she seems to enjoy singing (which does not help matters any). This woman sounds like a cat....a cat that has got its tail stuck underneath the rockers of a rocking chair. It is just bad, but very funny.

Anyway, that is not the funny part. Well, it is but not for the purposes of this story. I walk in and FIL recognizes me. That is one of the shocking things. Apparently, he can name me in pictures. He cannot name my brother in law (in Dayton) and he has trouble with my other brother in law (his own son). Anyway, he tells me that I am "looking good" (not in a Freddie Prinze way either---dig the 70s reference with that one).

I do not know how to take that. Given his demented state, I am not sure if he is shitting me or not. Remember, this is the dude that could not or would not listen to me to get him to buzz me up to the condo unit when I was in the lobby and he answered the phone. His senses are obviously impaired (as his sense of reasoning, but there is nothing new with either of those). It is like the Seinfeld episode where George fakes blindness to have a Risk Managment text book put on tape for him to listen to, rather than read the thing. George feels the plain looking eye doctor's face and says "you are very attractive".

Was FIL putting me on? If so, I may have to dump out of his wheel chair (he has not walked since December, after having the broken toes diagnosis and seems to like being wheeled around...how long before he sees somebody on a respirator and figures he has been a chump by breathing on his own all these years?). I cannot put up with an insult like that. Then again, he have been sincere.

If he was sincere, what do I make of the observations of a man, the Patriarch of a family, not known for being observant? He has sensory and cognitive impairments and he compliments me. Obviously, he does not know what he is talking about. Then again, I do look good, so maybe he was trying to hit on me.

That is a sick thought for another life. I mean that is a place that I just do not want to explore. I may have set up a nightmare for tonight, so I guess I am going to try to avoid sleep. Fuck Freddy Kruger, this shit is far worse and more disturbing.

Ciao!

The Dayton Chronicles....Part 7, I recounted!

I am back. It is back to our show. Since the time has passed, I may forget those delicious details.

The day began, Saturday, waking up from another sweat soaked sleep. I had to shower and shave and there was no time for breakfast. That was why I asked the Wife to pick up some bananas, orange juice and cinnamon buns while she went to the big ass WalMart. She did. So, we all got ready and ate that crap. We hit the road for the ride across town to get back to the synagogue.

It was all very nice and very sad without the Outlaws there. Again, you can read that as without MIL, as FIL would have just been a royal pain in the ass, but that is normal. Anyway, after the service there was a lunch. It was crappy cold cuts and some salads, though the salads really ran out before everybody could really eat.

The fun began with the choice of tables again. M was like a fucking presence, as usual. She would put her purse on other people's places and was shocked that her purse was getting moved around. I had the good fortune of having to sit beside her. She did not really try to engage me in conversation. That was good, but I am not sure if she read me correctly or not.

We get done and head back to the hotel. The plan was to hang by the pool with the kids. That is where MIL's absence was most palpable. It was fun, yet sad. The kids went swimming and had a grand ole time. Later in the afternoon, the Lad went back with his cousin and my sister in law to their place. We would meet him at the night party.

That left the Wife, her lovely cousin, aunt, uncle, brother in law (husband of the Wife's sister), my oldest neice (20 years old and a sophomore at the University of Indiana) and her friend going to the bar. I joined them. We were having afternoon cocktails, how lovely. We drank and then my brother in law gave me his credit card to buy some alcohol for this kids party. There were not going to be many adults there, but I NEEDED the drink.

We go to rest up beforehand. At about 6, we are taking the Wife's cousin, she was in from New York for this, to the booze store and party. We are outside and like a presence or somebody who is listening at the door, waiting for people to happen by (like a fucking LOSER), M appears at her door.

She talks to the Wife and shows her what she bought at the the mall. Of course, she went to the mall with my brother in law and his lady friend as their constant third wheel. I am sure she wedged right between the two of them. Ewwwww!

As she does her "twirl", the door to her room shuts behind her. This twit of woman has locked herself out of her room. I am stifling the laughter the best that I can. She is dumbfounded (the emphasis on dumb). Then she asks what she should do. The purpose of the question, in a passive-aggressive style, was to see if she could get somebody to feel sorry for her and rescue her.

Fuck you, I say. Take your ass down to the front desk and get another key card, you dumb fucking cunt! The Lad would say she is "evil" but she is far too stupid to be evil. We go down to the lobby with her and then split. I laugh my ass off on the way to the car, in the car and on the way to the liquor store.

I will continue with this, as it gets better, later. I have to run. Ciao!

Another Castro thought

I am back. I am pre-empting the funniness of the Dayton Chronicles for another thought on Castro. I am sorry for this AND I feel I must do it in any event. I actually have to see where I left off with the Dayton story. I do know that the funniest is yet to come.

I have to hand it to the Americans and their Cuba policy. It fucking worked. They set up their trade embargo against Fidel Castro to effect regime change. It worked. Castro has stepped down. I never thought that I would say this, but the Americans really took the long view here (something that seems odd for a nation that favored expediency over all in their foreign policy....or so it would seem). With Cuba, they took that long view.

It took 49 years for their policy to work, but work it did damn it. Fidel is done.

So kids, it all goes to show, that if you slavishly follow bad policy long enough, time creeps along and solves the whole issue for you. In the immortal words of John Kenneth Galbraith (or was it John Maynard Keynes)(it was some dead economist who was not of the Chicago or Austrian schools), "in the long run, we are all dead." That was US official policy on Cuba. Just wait them out....forever, if that is how long it took.

Makes my head spin. Where are the fucking pragmatists when you need them? Is there nobody out there that can speak any sense? Obviously, not!

Now, before I take my leave here for today, let me say that I am not knocking America. I am knocking all those who set this Cuba policy and slavishly kept it up without regard to whether it worked, how it worked or really looking to see if the context had changed, and perhaps come up with something new, to get the desired result. No, none of that here. Just make the fucking square peg fit in the round hole.

I see enough of that on the home front, I do not need to see it writ large in larger issues of which I have no control.

Ciao!

A Castro Interlude

I am back. This is brief before I continue with the best of the Dayton story later. Fidel Castro "stepped down" as leader of Cuba. I thought that he was done a while ago. It reminds me of one of my favorite movie lines, and the movie was on television a few weeks ago.

From "Escape from New York"....."Snake Plisskin? I thought that you were dead."

Ciao!

The Dayton Chronicles....Part 6?, I have lost count

I am back. I think I left off with us rushing to synagogue for pictures before a service and dinner. We arrive in the synagogue and hit the sanctuary for pictures, when the first person I spy is the Wife's aunt. She of the one with broken arm as she pats herself on the back for a job well done (well,.....done. Actually, a job she THINKS she has done, but serves to really help nobody but herself, thus allowing her to feed her own enormous ego. Of course, the ego is full of shit but she cannot and will not see that, and nobody will break that news to her. Then again, if they did, she would not speak to them anymore as she will not have anybody pointing out the fact that the Emperess is wearing no clothes. That is a visual I can do without, by the way, and I will get to that one later).

I saw her and my skin started to crawl. Weeks before she was trying to worm her way into having us drive her to Dayton. I did the drive, all 8 hours, with the Outlaws, ONCE. The Wife went with them, and the Lad, another 3 times over the summers, but I begged off each time. I can barely tolerate being in the same general vicinity as this woman, I could not handle time in a car with her. Besides, we have a small car, and barely had enough room for the 3 of us in terms of travel space.

Pictures get done, but we are waiting for my brother in law (BIL) to arrive. It is not as if he was unaware of the time, he just did not listen (that is a family trait along with not being able or wanting to observe). He finally arrives with his lady friend, who happens to be one of his sister's (The Wife's sister) best friends. They came down together but were staying in separate rooms. (That is a story for another day).

Anyway, pictures get done and it is time for a bit of a service. I get into it and it is done. It is time to eat. I see the aunt (Let us refer to her as "M") and she is sitting at a table with the Wife's other aunt and uncle (MIL's sister, M is FIL's baby sister whose husband, a vacuous windbag, did not come to the bar mitzvah, nor did he visit MIL while she was in the hospital or FIL in the home.....jackass). I cringe, but we end up finding another table. The Lad goes to sit and play with his cousin and his friends, which was cool.

I get up for a second and what do I find? M is sitting at our table. It was like a cold wind rushing on my neck. I suck it back and we eat. The funny thing is that they serve some white wine, but then never return with it again. They were also really slow in filling the water. I look over at the table next to us and they have like 2 bottles of white and a bottle of red wine on their table. What the fuck is up with that?

The courses start to arrive. There was the greasy and flavorless Israeli salad (tomatoe and cucumber chopped), the matza ball soup, which was fucking cold and disgusting, and then crappy roast beef, chicken, roasted potatoes (why mine was blackening and served, I will never know. the fucking potato had been allowed to oxidize and it was still cooked and served. It was awful.) and over-cooked green beans. The chocolate cake for dessert was actually pretty good, though.

We got done dinner and the Wife informed me that she was going to go to WalMart. I told her, since we would not have time for breakfast, to pick up some orange juice, bananas and cinnamon buns. At least, it would be something along with the coffee in the room. She goes, with M, brother and lady. The Lad and I hit the bar for him to play some video games and me to drink.

That was fun. I was drinking a Blue Moon, a wheat beer served with an orange wedge as garnish. I gave the beer soaked orange to the Lad along with a sip. It was fun. We then went up to the room and waited for the Wife to return and listen for her cousins, one coming from New York and the other coming from LA with her husband and two kids (they were delayed in Dallas, we heard at dinner).

That is all for now! I tell you, it gets funnier, in a sad way but keep in mind the tone of this will get nasty and the subject of the nastiness is M. Ciao!

Part 5, the Dayton Chroncles

I am back. Wooohoooo, five days in a row. Oh yeah, a belated Happy Valentine's Day to all you out there in tv land. I did forget to mention that it was 23 years ago today that Willie hit Florida for Reading Week. It was a no sleep night (2 hours for me) with an early morning flight. The best thing about it, as I recall, was it was Wardair, the greatest charter airline ever. We had breakfast on the flight. Then at about 9:30am the flight attendant, er stewardess, asked if wanted a drink. I told her the time but she pulled fast one on us. She reasoned that if we were home that we would sleep in until about noon (that sounded reasonable). Then she says that I have been up since about 5, so it is really like 4 in the afternoon by that logic. We made it a double and I was buzzing as we picked up the rental car.

Enough about that, back to Dayton. I am not sure where I left off yesterday. Oh yeah, it was time for Target. It was nothing special. I did need a wiper blade for the car. The Wife, who drives the car, left me to get the oil changed (why should she, she only drives the fucking thing). She tells me that there is something wrong with the wiper, but it goes no further and instead of getting a new one herself, she leaves it somebody else. Anyway, on the drive down, through the snow, I saw the problem. The rubber strip that wipes the windshield was gone.

There I was in Target, trying to figure out the size of the blade I needed. I did not have a clue. I ran back out to the car to take the thing off. It took me a while to figure it out, but I did get it off. Bought a new one and installed it myself. It worked, too. Damn, I am useful......sometimes.

The haul at Target was nothing great. We did get some cereal, though, which I always find pleasing. The Lad got some inline skates for 5 bucks. There may be a problem if we try to return them. Then again, for 5 bucks, it is not worth the gas to get to a Target to return them. I will eat it, if need be (the five bucks, not the skates).

We then hit Dayton Mall. Not much to find there, really. Hit the usual shops but there was really nothing. I was hungry and really just wanted to get onto the Internet (check my email and such). I was willing to pay for it, so.....

We headed back, but stopped for a late lunch at Chipotle's. It is a fresh food, Mexican chain that was owned by McDonald's but is now publicly traded. It was fucking awesome. The best meal we had in and around Dayton is all that I can say...and I enjoyed the breakfast at Panera. I had te spicy, pulled beef with hot salsa, rice and beans burrito. We had a side of tortilla chips and guacamole. I also had a beer. No reason not to drink, I thought.

It was then back for the Lad to swim and me to surf the net. That happened, but we had to leave for pictures at the synagogue at around 4 or 4:30, which meant a drive across town. What fun. More on that later, as the stories get funnier or my anger really grows.

Have a great long weekend (Presidents Day in the US and Family Day, what the fuck!?, in Ontario on Monday). Ciao!

The Road to Dayton and Time in Dayton Chronicles Part 4

I am back. Back to the story. After breakfast, we take the long drive to Mad River to hit the mall. It is really away from everything, but the area has a number of hotels, including a Courtyard that we stayed at back in 1996.

The first stop was to be Burlington Crap, er Coat, Factory, then Target and then Dayton Mall. That is pretty much the extent of culture in Dayton. Buffalo, too, for that matter, but at least Buffalo has professional sports teams in 2 major sports (as if that is something).

Keep in mind, it is quite nice outside, especially when compared to the snow covered world we had just left. The Wife and Lad go into the Crap Factory, but I see a health food store/organic supermarket that I have to check out.

After going in, I was struck, yet again, by the same observation I have each time I go into a health food store. How come the people in these health food stores, both staff and patrons, are the sickliest and unattractive people you can ever see? It makes no sense. If this stuff is healthier, why does it not look like it has any effect on those who work there, and presumably, drink the "Kool-Aid"? I just do not get it! It is most perplexing to me.

I got out of there before a good, old-fashioned case of the "uglies" took hold of me. I, then, met the Wife and Lad in Burlington Crap Factory, which I was quite happy to have left. It was then on to Target.

That is your taste for today. It was also my fourth post in row, which given my recent posting schedule is rather excellent. It is indeed sad when I can pass off mediocrity as excellence. I should become a politician.

Have a great one, ciao!

The Road to Dayton Chronicles...Part 3

I am back. I will make this part short. It was a crappy night's sleep on the Thursday in Dayton. The bedding is comfortable and all, down duvet and cotton sheets and duvet cover. I was just too fucking hot in the room. I was sweating and I did not enjoy that at all.

Anyway, we woke up and the Wife would not stand for the idea of Denny's for breakfast again. We ended up at Panera Bread. It was a good, light meal. This was to be a day of shopping, since there are not many sights to see in Dayton, unless you are into aviation (it was the birth place of the Wright brothers, but not the Warner brothers or Dr. Joyce Brothers. The weather was sunny and near 50 (10 for those of you who think in Celsius).

Anyway, I figured out that the hotel, the Marriott, charges about $13 for 24 hours of high speed internet access. The thing that I find vexing is that more "budget" hotels give you breakfast and free high speed (Hampton Inns, Holiday Inn Express, Days Inn, La Quinta Inns). I cannot figure out how I paid more per night for room and got less "stuff". I could have had more "freebies" at a better price per night, though I would have been without the cotton and down duvet. Okay, I would have had a semen splattered, polyester bed spread but at least I would get breakfast with it.

Well, that is all for today. Should hit y'all with Part 4 later. Ciao!

The Road to Dayton, Part Deux

I am back. First things first...fucking snow. I cannot believe that I am saying that but that is the only thing that I can say. I am just a wee bit sick of using the shovel on the snow. When will I be able to use it only as a weapon?

Back to the story. We cross the border and are in war-torn downtown Detroit. Now, with construction (I believe they are adding potholes, but what do I know) in the area of I-75, finding the highway was not easy. Once near it, we see the facade of Comerica Park (I do miss seeing old Tiger Stadium). The Lad remarked that it was the ugliest stadium he has seen (like he has seen soooooo many). Of course, he may be correct but he does not need to know that.

It is about 3:00 and we are all hungry. I mean all I had to eat was a banana, some yogurt, an orange juice and coffee and that was at about 7:30am. We get off at Monroe, Michigan. I recall visiting a pretty decent Outlet Mall there back in 1996 that had a Nike outlet. We hem and haw as to where to eat. Cracker Barrel? Denny's? Denny's wins. Of course, that means Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs for me. (Again, 23 years ago this month, Willie introduced me to the joy of Chicken Fried Steak and Eggs at Denny's....I now believe that Willie is trying to kill me by me having my arteries slowly harden. It occurs so slowly that you cannot suspect him. He is one devious bastard. I tip my hat to him.)

We get out of Denny's, which by fluke was not crowded at that time of day. We sat in a windy seat. There was many a cold gust coming our way. It was food and I was happy that my belly was full and the coffee was plentiful. We leave and stop at the Outlet Mall.

What a fucking dive! There were only a handful of stores and even fewer shoppers. I went with the Lad to the Reebok outlet. He ended up with a basketball shirt for 6 bucks. I did find a pair of basketball shoes, which I will need, for just over 20 bucks (adidas, but black and silver). We got the hell out of there and hit the highway again to go to Dayton.

The ride was pretty uneventful as the sun set and we were in the dark. I used the Lad's portable (hand-held) television for a bit, just to see what I could pick up with the anntena. I got the Fox, ABC and NBC affiliates in Lima, Ohio for a bit and then some Dayton stations as we got closer to Dayton. The Lad was watching Family Guy from Fox Toledo earlier.

We finally got the hotel at about 8pm. I stayed in the hotel while the Lad and the Wife went to her sister's house. I needed some alone time. I was going to get on the Internet and do some stuff, but did not. In fact, I had to pay for high speed access. I was not pleased but that is a story for tomorrow perhaps.

At about ten, I was feeling peckish, so I hit the bar and had a beer and some wings. My family arrived to find me in the bar. It was all good and it would soon be time for bed.

With that, this day concludes. Ciao!

The Road to Dayton Chronicles...Part 1

I am back. Dear Diary, it has been a whole week since I last posted. What has been up, you ask? Have I got stories and thoughts galore. They are just coming out of my head. We had a family function in Dayton, Ohio over the weekend. It was the first without MIL or FIL for that matter, but he is not really around, so I do not count him. It was my nephew's bar mitzvah.

We drove all the way there and back again. The next few postings will deal with life on the way to the USA and life in the USA.

Let me begin with Thursday. Actually, I am beginning with Wednesday. The day began with me and a shovel. It had snowed that morning.....a lot. There I was, digging out, again, this winter. I have to say that I am getting sick of the whole thing. I say this with the knowledge that we are going to see another snowfall tomorrow.....yippee! The best part is that during the day, it started to snow again. It got particularly heavy on my way home. I got home and was told by The Wife that she had shovelled. I could not tell, not that I did not believe her.

By eight, I was out with the shovel digging out yet again. I figured it would save time later. Like that worked in my favor. We checked outside at about ten that night and it was snowing harder than before. Gahhhh! At that point, I was not so sure we would be going. Then, I figured that we would give it a shot. We did not have to rush, so if it was REALLY bad we could always turn around and go home. Then, I could to work.

I woke up at my usual sixish on Thursday morning. I could not be bothered to get out from under the warm duvet knowing that I would have to shovel...again. I did get up at about seven, had a coffee and started with my shovel. I got us out and we were able to try to get going around 10am.

What should be a half hour trip from our home to around the Airport, took about 2 and half hours. Traffic was heavy and parts of the road did not look like they had been plowed. Anyway, we were on our way. We were doing our thing in the center lane, when we see some smackweed speeding along in the snow/slush filled left lane. The asshole fishtails and loses control of his car. He narrowly misses the guardrail, the car beside him in the center lane and the guardrail again. Then he does a 180 and is facing the wrong direction. The best part is that this fucking asshole, who deserves a punch in the face (it would have been justified in any system of justice) turns his car around and not thirty seconds after narrowly missing a series of accidents, speeds by us and passes us in that same center lane. What an asshole!

Now, all we had ahead of us was the fun journey from Milton to London and then the bleakness of London to Windsor. We did that and lived to tell. Of course, we crossed the border at around 3, leaving us in Detroit. Ughhh!

That is all for now. Part 2 tomorrow, if all goes well. Then again, with the snow, all bets may be off. Ciao!

Another thought on hair

I anm back. It was a short hiatus. This will be short. It is another "hair" thought. I have notice that what hair I have lost on my head is more than made up for in my life. I have some bitchin' facial hair. I can grow that sucker and shave it into any type style that can be imagined. Now, how cool is that?

Ciao!