The funniest Dayton Chronicles episode (no. 7)

I am back. I know it has been a while. I did not post on that Leap Day. Bad weather and a lot of work to be done. The funny thing was the Wife's aunt and uncle were to come for dinner but the weather had them cancel.....late. I did not get home until seven, but it was all good.

Anyway, on with the show. Back to Dayton. Let me take you back. It is Saturday February 9, 2008. We, the Wife, her cousin and myself, have left the hotel....laughing at the stupidity and (for me, at least) the coping strategies of the Wife's aunt, M. We were charged with getting some vodka and wine. Again, not having any idea how many adults were to be there, we may have gone overboard.

We bought a big ass bottle of Skyy vodka and a 26 oz bottle, just in case, 2 bottles of red and 2 bottles of white wine. It ran about $100 along with some stuff to mix with the vodka. It seemed an awful lot and that was confirmed when my brother in law greeted us at the door. I think they would take back a bottle of each wine, though they may have kept them, and the smaller bottle of vodka.

I got into the vodka, early and often. It was a kids' party and that was okay with me. The Lad did not sit with us, but with his cousin and his friends. It was good.

There I am eating at a table with M, yet again. My skin was crawling. The music is pumping. She is standing by the dance floor with the Wife's brother, his lady friend, the Wife and others. I hear the music and then I see a couple of sights that had me splitting my gut again. This woman, M, is "dancing". She made Elaine Benis (Seinfeld) look like a great dancer (btw that episode was on the other night and I nearly pissed myself when Elaine started dancing---Sweet Fancy Moses, indeed). Her dancing was more like somebody doing a step class.

It was like watching the 20 minute work out....without the spandex, beautiful women, style and rhythm. It was like watching a train wreck only funnier. I started to get the vision of her doing aerobics and then my thoughts ran to her in spandex. She would look like a lumpy sausage in her gear. Blahhh!!! It is a mental image that I am having trouble getting out of my head. Unfortunately, with that mental image comes a softening of the genitalia. I think about that and my blood refuses to flow to my penis. No hard ons for me with that image. Fucking woman!

Anyway, the best is yet to come. Understand this, Jewish mourning ritual states that mourners, MIL's children and husband, are not to dance for 1 year. M has my brother in law dancing (if that was what it was, she did call it that, but what does that mean) with her (he is either a few blueberries short of a pint or has no ability to say "no" and mean it--no spine). Then she asks the Wife to dance.

The Wife replies, properly, that she cannot dance. M says,"Sure you can." The Wife, "No. I cannot." M, "You know how to dance." The Wife, "I am in mourning." To which a dumbfounded look appears on the face of M, which really is just her normal look, really.

Man, I still laugh when I think of her "dancing". I wish I had it on video, so that I could show you all. Too bad. Gotta run! Ciao!