Ramble On!

I am back. See I noticed that I last posted on Thursday and I do not even remember it. What did I say? Was I funny at least?

Enough abject neediness from me, at least for now. On with the show. Well,......there really is no show. The world is one fucked up place from my vantage point....high on the mount. I am reminded of the late 70s but it is different, too. Besides, in the late 70s, I did not have the same concept of the World. How could I?

Then again, as much as things have changed, people have not, in general. I think I was aware of that then. I am an old soul. I have wisdom beyond my years, and have long been that way. I am also a useless tool, but that is a story for another day.

It was a beautiful weekend, if you do not count Saturday. It rained. I visited FIL. He gave me the old "Look who's here" line. I responded with "Who's here?". He did not call me by name. He may have been compensating and had no clue who I was (probable). He does not embarrass himself (actually he has long lost the ability to feel embarrassment--that went by the way side when before his diagnosis, when the dementia was apparent and ignored by those around him, read MIL and his children, he would tell us how he had crapped himself with a sense of pride, not embarrassment or shame. I think the mere fact that he felt compelled to tell the story was a sign that this man feels no shame. Which as I think about it may not be the worst thing in the world.), he does and did embarrass others (those, like MIL, who had to try to explain his childlike behavior). It really brought home how sad this disease really is.

You are left frustrated, but caring for somebody, who does not know who you are. That is how the Wife seems to be feeling. She is stuck as the primary caretaker, as she promised her mother she would look after her father. He cannot look after himself, never really could. Her siblings are. (that says it all, they just are). She is left to care for children (and that includes me to some extent). Too bad, but her journey in this is learn how to say no, assert herself, state her needs and wants and do something to bring them about. She is on her way.

Good life lessons, those. I am rambling at nothing here and I apologize. I would love to be ranting about something, but I am far too tired. I am going to go clean the bathroom (only to despoil it once I have finished) and such is the circle of life.

Ciao!