I am back. Forgive me father for I have sinned. Actually, that is very apropos for my little tale of WHOA. Before that, though, a brief note of a "star", and I use that term extremely loosely her. I, or should I say we, were at Teroni's on Saturday for dinner (damn fine bottle of wine and tasty salad and pizza) on Yonge south of St. Clair. We are sitting outside and who should sit next to us.....Nick Kypreos.
Who the fuck is Nick Kypreos, you might ask. He played hockey in the NHL and was a Leaf until he got sucker punched by a New York Ranger (I think)(Ryan Vandenbusche, I think), got concussed and could not play again. He was a hard nosed player, not the most talented out there, but he did work hard. He is now a hockey analyst/reporter for Rogers Sporstnet. That is how I knew who it was (nobody else in my dinner party knew).
Here is the real story. When my father died, we split his shit. My brother got his black lacquer bedroom furniture (which was he did use and move to his home with his wife, where it was put in one of the then spare bedrooms and has since disappeared). My sister got.....I do not know what she got. I got his dining room set with the glass table top and black metal chairs.
Apparently, the wife never liked it, but the base had a granite looking veneer on it, so I always thought it matched our granite floor. Anyway, we are at the table on Friday night and I have finished my dinner and move my empty plate to the side. I guess I leaned on the glass and the next thing I know my plate is sliding off the table. With one hand I catch the plate, with the other I have a large piece of glass I am trying to keep in place.
The Wife is about to say something about me dropping my fork and knife, when I point out to her the angle of the table. I then have to point out the fact that my reflexes and instincts are so good that nothing came crashing to the floor that was breakable. I stopped the plate from falling and crashing into smithereens and the same could be said about the glass.
I pull back the tablecloth and padded thing only to find that it had snapped in some strange fashion. On top of the new kitchen, which is finished and looks great, by the way, we now must get a new dining room table.
The Wife had planned to buy one once her parents' condo sale closed. This just hastened the process.
My dilemma is this, I am kind of sad of it "passing" as it did belong to my father (however, brief his possession of it was) yet I am taking it as a sign to just move on. It is merely a thing.
It kind of reminds me of when I pitched my cassettes. It was not the music per se that bothered me but the memories of what I did when listening or acquiring it that flooded me.
Well, that is about as insightful as I will get for you all. Anybody know how to get rid of a big (close to 6 feet) slab of glass?
Ciao!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
A new life lesson
I am back. In reading the news today, I learned something from the youth of today (how bad is it that I use the term "youth"?). Anyway, when trying to impress the femininas (women-folk) and getting rebuffed, it is always a good idea to spray them with gun fire. This is especially impressive when the woman in question and sought after buried her brother, who died after being shot (while at school, I might add).
These are life lessons that I would not have learned otherwise. Also, it is just another day in Toronto....or what it has become in pockets.
It makes me go "WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!". Send the fuckers to jail and have their idiotic notions of respect buggered out of them....or what respect is there when you are tossing some dude's salad.
Ciao!
These are life lessons that I would not have learned otherwise. Also, it is just another day in Toronto....or what it has become in pockets.
It makes me go "WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!!!!". Send the fuckers to jail and have their idiotic notions of respect buggered out of them....or what respect is there when you are tossing some dude's salad.
Ciao!
Monday, July 21, 2008
That's Entertainment
I am back. That was quite the weekend of weather we had in these parts. It seems we have gone from a snowy winter to a bit of a rainy summer. It rained, off and on, all day Saturday and certainly Sunday was a day of rain.
I was at Costco on Sunday. I am going to make a racist comment and it is borne out of experience. I am always amazed that people push their big ass shopping carts as if they are the only person in the store and with the same care as they would take with slugs on their lawn. I noticed an old Asian, read Chinese, woman pushing her cart much like I think she would drive. Heaven help us all, when she is on the road.
I think that is why I like the frozen shrimp at Costco. When people push their carts like fucking smackweeds, I open up my bag of shrimp (which I suddenly do not claim as my own as it fucking open in the store) and hurl little, icy, hard bits of seafood at the offending idiot. They may not understand, but I do and I get a giggle out of the whole ordeal. Besides, I do not have to clean the mess. It also becomes slippery and makes for great "slip and fall" footage, which means the laughs just keep right on coming.
Now, how is that for entertainment? Ciao!
That is better than shelling out $12.50 to see "The Love Guru", don't ya think?
I was at Costco on Sunday. I am going to make a racist comment and it is borne out of experience. I am always amazed that people push their big ass shopping carts as if they are the only person in the store and with the same care as they would take with slugs on their lawn. I noticed an old Asian, read Chinese, woman pushing her cart much like I think she would drive. Heaven help us all, when she is on the road.
I think that is why I like the frozen shrimp at Costco. When people push their carts like fucking smackweeds, I open up my bag of shrimp (which I suddenly do not claim as my own as it fucking open in the store) and hurl little, icy, hard bits of seafood at the offending idiot. They may not understand, but I do and I get a giggle out of the whole ordeal. Besides, I do not have to clean the mess. It also becomes slippery and makes for great "slip and fall" footage, which means the laughs just keep right on coming.
Now, how is that for entertainment? Ciao!
That is better than shelling out $12.50 to see "The Love Guru", don't ya think?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A funny thing
I am back, yet again. Funny story on miscommunications. I am chatting with the Lad and we are talking music. He asks if I have the U2 album with "Bloody Sunday" on it. Incidentally, that would be WAR, which I had on cassette (in fact, I recall listening to that album while driving up to Haliburton, on my birthday no less, in 1983, to visit my brother at camp. I never did get around to picking up my sister at a different camp up there) with Simple Minds "New Gold Dream" on the flip side.
Anyway, I say that I have only one U2 CD. He tells me it is "A Shooting Baby". I am racking my brain trying to figure that one out. I really do not recall that as a U2 album title. Then it dawns on me that I have "Achtung Baby!". The Lad replies, "That was what I said, "A Shooting Baby"."
The saddest part is that he took some German lessons this year from his French teacher (she must have been invaded or she teaches Vichy French). So suddenly, Achtung becomes "a shooting" which sadly, when I look at the big picture, makes sense.
That is all, go on now and chuckle. Ciao!
Anyway, I say that I have only one U2 CD. He tells me it is "A Shooting Baby". I am racking my brain trying to figure that one out. I really do not recall that as a U2 album title. Then it dawns on me that I have "Achtung Baby!". The Lad replies, "That was what I said, "A Shooting Baby"."
The saddest part is that he took some German lessons this year from his French teacher (she must have been invaded or she teaches Vichy French). So suddenly, Achtung becomes "a shooting" which sadly, when I look at the big picture, makes sense.
That is all, go on now and chuckle. Ciao!
An experiment in annoyance
I am back. I am not feeling the love about being back. What is with you all?
My keyboard is sticking (damn jizz in the keys, I hope it is mine, at least) so I may just continue typing without spaces. Wewillseehowthatgoes.Thiscouldverywellbethelongestwordintheworld.Itisfunnyasbyforceofhabitmythumbjustseemstowanttohitthespacebaraftereveryword.Howisthatfortraining?Thiswholethingisconfusingandgettingtobedownrightannoying.Iwillstopnow!
How was that exercise for you? It worked for me. Going to run now, ciao!
My keyboard is sticking (damn jizz in the keys, I hope it is mine, at least) so I may just continue typing without spaces. Wewillseehowthatgoes.Thiscouldverywellbethelongestwordintheworld.Itisfunnyasbyforceofhabitmythumbjustseemstowanttohitthespacebaraftereveryword.Howisthatfortraining?Thiswholethingisconfusingandgettingtobedownrightannoying.Iwillstopnow!
How was that exercise for you? It worked for me. Going to run now, ciao!
Monday, July 14, 2008
A new life philosophy
I am back. Oh what fun we have had in these parts. I just do not recall what that fun actually was. I do remember yesterday, like it was only yesterday.......all my troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay......(sorry, Sir Paul).
The Wife went to the Condo so that the vultures could pick at the Outlaws material possessions. There was a picking last week, which upset the Wife so. The problem was her aunt, MIL's sister, who is just a pig and has no shame. Of course, nobody opens their mouth to voice their displeasure (a wonderful trait modelled so skillfully by MIL, it really helped keep her satisfied and no point in fixing something that is most assuredly broken). When I say nobody, I mean the Wife, so she gets all mopey and silent. She is dealing with morons, yet seems to think they can read her mind. Even if they could, what makes the Wife think that anything would change, unless she points out what she wants/expects and does something when those things go unmet.
One day, I hope, she will figure it out. She has not in a good 42 years, but you never know. Of course, to do that would mean taking an objective look at all around you, including yourself, so I am not holding my breath that this will ever occur.
Anyway, while the Wife dealt with that, I went to a batting cage with the Lad. It was warm and a bit of a drive, but it was a hell of a lot of fun. I have a bruised palm (not tonight dear, I have a palm ache, is what my hand told me last night....bastard hand is becoming a pain, I may have to start dating again). I figure if I could lick my own balls, I would be done with my hand anyway. I digress, in some disturbing territory I might add.
We hit the batting cage. The Lad was good, though by the last few balls, I could see the fatigue set in and the bat speed come down. It is only natural. He hit 100 pitches and I did 40. I really cranked a few. It felt good.
That was a fun day for a father and son. Especially, a father like me, who just wants to do his own thing, which is really a euphemism for getting drunk and just passing out. That is the way to go through life son......heavily medicated.
So, there you have my pearl of wisdom. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son, but drunk, passed out and near comatose is the better way!
Ciao!
The Wife went to the Condo so that the vultures could pick at the Outlaws material possessions. There was a picking last week, which upset the Wife so. The problem was her aunt, MIL's sister, who is just a pig and has no shame. Of course, nobody opens their mouth to voice their displeasure (a wonderful trait modelled so skillfully by MIL, it really helped keep her satisfied and no point in fixing something that is most assuredly broken). When I say nobody, I mean the Wife, so she gets all mopey and silent. She is dealing with morons, yet seems to think they can read her mind. Even if they could, what makes the Wife think that anything would change, unless she points out what she wants/expects and does something when those things go unmet.
One day, I hope, she will figure it out. She has not in a good 42 years, but you never know. Of course, to do that would mean taking an objective look at all around you, including yourself, so I am not holding my breath that this will ever occur.
Anyway, while the Wife dealt with that, I went to a batting cage with the Lad. It was warm and a bit of a drive, but it was a hell of a lot of fun. I have a bruised palm (not tonight dear, I have a palm ache, is what my hand told me last night....bastard hand is becoming a pain, I may have to start dating again). I figure if I could lick my own balls, I would be done with my hand anyway. I digress, in some disturbing territory I might add.
We hit the batting cage. The Lad was good, though by the last few balls, I could see the fatigue set in and the bat speed come down. It is only natural. He hit 100 pitches and I did 40. I really cranked a few. It felt good.
That was a fun day for a father and son. Especially, a father like me, who just wants to do his own thing, which is really a euphemism for getting drunk and just passing out. That is the way to go through life son......heavily medicated.
So, there you have my pearl of wisdom. Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son, but drunk, passed out and near comatose is the better way!
Ciao!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Sloppy body
I am back. It is a nice and warm day in the city. I now have a bone to pick with the world. Sloppy tits. Being more of an ass and leg man, not a breast man, it is a strange thing.
This one goes out to the lady on York Mills in the tank top. Put on a fucking bra. Nobody needs, or wants, to see your sloppy, saggy tits undulating by your gut as you walk. Those tits must be something when you are on your back.....or they disappear completely. The look is something like silver dollar pancakes on a chest (large nipples and aereolas).
Man, I saw those saggy, sloppy tits and I thought I was gonna barf. Do something about that! How can you leave the home like that? Do you not feel them knocking against your protruding belly? That cannot be comfortable. At least, it is not for me. It is pure aesthetics.
I never thought I would complain about the summer and how it brings out scantily clad babes. Here is one "babe" (and I use that term loosely) that should be heavily clad, or at least put on a fucking bra and keep the girls in place.
Now, I have never been a tit guy. I do not mind them, but sucking on them makes me wonder if it really is a latent desire to suck on a dick. I am just saying. Think about it, sucking on erectile tissue (just like a penis). I guess the same could be said about eating pussy, but I am not sure, since I have not had any women with enormous, small penis sized clits, so I do not know.
I guess what I am saying is that like squatters at nudists resorts, there is good naked and ugly naked and this broad would have one kind of sloppy titty ugly naked.
Have a happy weekend! Ciao!
This one goes out to the lady on York Mills in the tank top. Put on a fucking bra. Nobody needs, or wants, to see your sloppy, saggy tits undulating by your gut as you walk. Those tits must be something when you are on your back.....or they disappear completely. The look is something like silver dollar pancakes on a chest (large nipples and aereolas).
Man, I saw those saggy, sloppy tits and I thought I was gonna barf. Do something about that! How can you leave the home like that? Do you not feel them knocking against your protruding belly? That cannot be comfortable. At least, it is not for me. It is pure aesthetics.
I never thought I would complain about the summer and how it brings out scantily clad babes. Here is one "babe" (and I use that term loosely) that should be heavily clad, or at least put on a fucking bra and keep the girls in place.
Now, I have never been a tit guy. I do not mind them, but sucking on them makes me wonder if it really is a latent desire to suck on a dick. I am just saying. Think about it, sucking on erectile tissue (just like a penis). I guess the same could be said about eating pussy, but I am not sure, since I have not had any women with enormous, small penis sized clits, so I do not know.
I guess what I am saying is that like squatters at nudists resorts, there is good naked and ugly naked and this broad would have one kind of sloppy titty ugly naked.
Have a happy weekend! Ciao!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Two Words
I am back. This will be short and not so sweet. I am going to leave you with two words and I want you to think about them. I am so fucking mature.
Here is the background. I am in a parking lot and see a licence plate "POLYBLOW". Now, my brother's wife (my sister in law) still has two grandparents (a husband and wife team). Her grandmother's name is Polly. So I am thinking that POLYBLOW must make Dave happy (her husband). I was going to mention this to my brother but then those two disturbing word hit me I am about to share them with you all.........now muse on this for a while..........GERIATRIC SEX.
Ciao and tell her to keep the boots on!
Here is the background. I am in a parking lot and see a licence plate "POLYBLOW". Now, my brother's wife (my sister in law) still has two grandparents (a husband and wife team). Her grandmother's name is Polly. So I am thinking that POLYBLOW must make Dave happy (her husband). I was going to mention this to my brother but then those two disturbing word hit me I am about to share them with you all.........now muse on this for a while..........GERIATRIC SEX.
Ciao and tell her to keep the boots on!
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
I had a thought
I am back. I need to get back into the habit of writing regularly. I need discipline. That is what today's post is all about......an exercise in discipline.
I did catch a headline today that made me laugh. Apparently, some dude was caught "squatting" at a nudist retreat. He was not a member and did not pay his dues, so he was a squatter. Something about being a "squatter" at a nudist resort just ain't right. Though, it could depend on who SHE is.
Personally, I do not need to catch a glimpse of a naked dude squatting. Just not necessary. That is the thought I will leave you with....naked dude squatting. I know it is natural but so is shit and I do not want to see that either.
Ciao!
I did catch a headline today that made me laugh. Apparently, some dude was caught "squatting" at a nudist retreat. He was not a member and did not pay his dues, so he was a squatter. Something about being a "squatter" at a nudist resort just ain't right. Though, it could depend on who SHE is.
Personally, I do not need to catch a glimpse of a naked dude squatting. Just not necessary. That is the thought I will leave you with....naked dude squatting. I know it is natural but so is shit and I do not want to see that either.
Ciao!
Monday, July 07, 2008
Madman week has begun!
I am back. I actually made it through Friday evening unscathed. Sweet alcohol....eases the pain. Or at least masks temporarily until the the heavier drugs kick in. In any event, it's Saul Goode (or it's all good).
I did not feel the urge to smack anybody. There was still some whining going on but it was the Wife's cousin's 4 year old. It was short but I would have sent her packing on the first hint of whining. I cannot take that sound.
It is time to drink to the Madman. It is all about the booze right now. That is the way life should be. Drunken holiday!!!!! Woo-hoo!
That is all for today. I have to start writing things down and typing and I will. I am finding my voice again. Oddly, it is coming out of my fingers. Which makes me wonder what is coming out my other orifices, but that may be a story for another day.
Ciao!
I did not feel the urge to smack anybody. There was still some whining going on but it was the Wife's cousin's 4 year old. It was short but I would have sent her packing on the first hint of whining. I cannot take that sound.
It is time to drink to the Madman. It is all about the booze right now. That is the way life should be. Drunken holiday!!!!! Woo-hoo!
That is all for today. I have to start writing things down and typing and I will. I am finding my voice again. Oddly, it is coming out of my fingers. Which makes me wonder what is coming out my other orifices, but that may be a story for another day.
Ciao!
Friday, July 04, 2008
Here comes the weekend
I am back. A merry old Independence Day to my American friends. It may not be so happy, given the economy, but that is par for the course. I will not go into an economic treatise as it is a beautiful Friday afternoon and a beautiful weekend beckons. Of course, mine begins with a taste of Outlaw hell.
We are having dinner at the Wife's aunt's house (her mother's sister). Her daughter and grandchildren are in from LA for the month and my sister in law is in from Dayton with her husband and one child (the one that whines and it ain't a wine you can drink so what fucking good is it?). I need a couple of shots now to fortify myself for the coming storm of stupidity (or is that mindless banter, actually that is the banter of the mindless). Fuck! This will be a good three hours of my life that I will never get back.
Be that as it may, I saw where some pedophile dude in the US was given a jail sentence of about 4,000 years. Fuck, with good behavior he could be back out on the street in a couple of millenia. I would hate to be a youngen then. He will be even more dangerous. Then again, at that age, I suspect he will not be moving too quickly.
Well, I am guessing that I should mosey and ignore the music. I have to do what I have to do. There better be alcohol served, that is all that I will say right now. Ciao and have a wonderous weekend!
We are having dinner at the Wife's aunt's house (her mother's sister). Her daughter and grandchildren are in from LA for the month and my sister in law is in from Dayton with her husband and one child (the one that whines and it ain't a wine you can drink so what fucking good is it?). I need a couple of shots now to fortify myself for the coming storm of stupidity (or is that mindless banter, actually that is the banter of the mindless). Fuck! This will be a good three hours of my life that I will never get back.
Be that as it may, I saw where some pedophile dude in the US was given a jail sentence of about 4,000 years. Fuck, with good behavior he could be back out on the street in a couple of millenia. I would hate to be a youngen then. He will be even more dangerous. Then again, at that age, I suspect he will not be moving too quickly.
Well, I am guessing that I should mosey and ignore the music. I have to do what I have to do. There better be alcohol served, that is all that I will say right now. Ciao and have a wonderous weekend!
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Just checking in
I am back. A belated Happy Canada Day one and all and an early happy Independence Day to my American friends. It has been a crazy week, that is all that I can say.
I have learned that I now understand why postal employees go "postal". I am finding myself in line at the post office, just dropping off prepaid packages, when I feel the need to actually smack those in front of me. Inevitably, they take up more time than they are worth and ask a lot of stupid fucking questions. Don't they know I just want to get home? Fuck 'em all! That is what I say.
Obviously, the muse has gone away and I forgot to write down all of my stupid life observations this week (there must have been some, I just do not recall). Bear with me and better moments will come.
Ciao!
I have learned that I now understand why postal employees go "postal". I am finding myself in line at the post office, just dropping off prepaid packages, when I feel the need to actually smack those in front of me. Inevitably, they take up more time than they are worth and ask a lot of stupid fucking questions. Don't they know I just want to get home? Fuck 'em all! That is what I say.
Obviously, the muse has gone away and I forgot to write down all of my stupid life observations this week (there must have been some, I just do not recall). Bear with me and better moments will come.
Ciao!
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