Gay Aiken

I am back. In the week's biggest shocking, most mind-boggling turn of events....Clay Akin is gay. What the fuck!???? He was the epitome of heterosexual manliness to me. Say it ain't so.

Or should I say...dude, what the fuck took you so long to actually come out and say. I mean he lived it. He is Gay Aiken.

I do not care. But let's get real. It was apparent during his American Idol run that he was gay. Big fucking deal. I mean nobody was asking him to hit the high note with a dick in his mouth, though that would be some kind of talent. Of course, that would probably make him a star of gay porn, but what do I know from gay porn?

Now, that the shock has worn off...who the fuck cares? It is like Lance Bass coming out. There is a gay, er guy, who constantly has the "bunny in the headlights look". He has the look like he has not a thought running through his head....which may be true. But he is glad to be gay. And I am glad for him, and Clay. Be true to who you are but cut the shit and say you are gay, it is not like you were hiding anything.....from anybody but your grandmother and even she knew...she was just trying to humor you.

I mean, bringing home sailors to spend the night, what other conclusions can be drawn? Well, tell me smart guy? I thought so.

Now, that we all know Clay Aiken is gay, we can all sleep soundly (knowing that he likes nestling a dick in his mouth) and he is not afraid to tell his new baby (conceived with a turkey baster).

Have a great weekend one and all. Ciao!

4 simple words

I am back. Four simple words....I HATE FUCKING SQUIRRELS!

You can take that any way you want. Then again, not having ever had sex with a squirrel, I cannot say for sure that I hate fucking them. They may be soft and warm for all I know. They may actually be the best lay possible. In fact, I bet if you tape up their mouths, then fuck them, they may even explode....now that would be cool!

Then again, it may be like shooting your load right through one. That could be cool. Or it could be a real mess.

Would you have to use lube? Should you use lube? Then again, who wants to rub their penis raw on a, or in a, squirrel? Any hillybillies out there? Then again, if there were, could they actually read and comprehend this?

I am just full of questions here.

I have not literally ever fucked a squirrel, but I do like to consider myself open minded, so I would not put it past me. It is really far down on the old "to do" list, however. I think I want to fly into space well before I even attempt to fuck a squirrel. It is just that I hate fucking squirrels.

I do not see a purpose to those bushy tailed rats. Fuck them all I say. If by fucking them, they die and I do not have to deal with them, then maybe I need to enlist David Duchovny's help in fucking the squirrels and ridding them from my life forever.

I can handle the raccoons as they are clever and learn. Squirrels are just dumb and deserve to die by having some anonymous dude stick poke them with his dick. It is a scary visual that I am getting. I hope you are getting it as well. Then again, this method of pest control would make the parks unplayable...and rather sticky, then crusty. Not good for anybody, well, except for the squirrel fucker.

I guess I should have opened with I do not like squirrels, but I hate fucking squirrels really says it all, maybe, too much.

Chew on that one for a while. Ciao!

The best is yet to come

I am back. I do have things to say but little time right now to do it. I must entertain my brother in law and his girlfriend. I will have to dumb down the conversation, not that it matters because the "listening" gene missed his family. What is the point?

So as I must be on my merry, not so merry, really, way, I wish you all a wonderful last weekend of summer.

Ciao!

Wipeout!

I am back. Had some technical issues with my last post, so I am pissed about that. I may to try to recreate that post later.

Anybody watch that show on ABC called "Wipeout". I must be a sucker for bad television, but this is really bad. It is based on a Japanese game show and much like that Japanese show, dubbed into English, run on Spike called Most Extreme Challenge. This is where contestants go through this obstacle course and have the announcer actually make fun of them.

In Wipeout, the goal is to have the fastest time in the final challenge, after getting through 2 other challenges. The obstacles included water and running across 4 big balls. The best part is the wall where random boxing gloves punch out at the contestants. They get hit and fall into a pit of mud.

The part that I find funny is that I do find it entertaining when people get hurt. This is made all the worse for me as this is.....the goal of the show is this...we will knock the ever loving crap out of you and make snide remarks throughout. For this, you have the chance to win $50,000. For the CHANCE to receive $50K, you can debase yourself. Now, that is a show.

Of course, listening to the large African American woman cry for Jesus after getting hit and falling into to the mud was priceless. Actually, her inability to get out of the mud, still calling for Jesus, was hilarious. It was getting to be pretty obvious that Jesus does not help those who would put themselves through this abuse (I am not complaining about the physical challenge, that is pretty cool) for money. I think Jesus takes his break at that point. Either that, or he is watching and laughing his ass off.

Ciao!

More blah blah blah

I am back. Not much to say but thought I would stop by. Hoping that would inspire me or at least get me to remember things that I thought were funny. Just not the case.

Let's see....elections in both Canada and the US. Should be interesting, if it were not so predictable. I do love it up here, though. The damn Liberals using the same old refrain...Harper's "hidden agenda". If it is "hidden" as they say, how the fuck do they know about it? They, the Liberals, did not know about the graft going under their watch, but they know about Harper's hidden agenda. That one is rich.

Hurricane Ike is getting set, after knocking the shit out of Cuba and Haiti, to hit the Texas Gulf Coast. That Ike is a bastard. Did I ever tell you about my old friend Ike? I was friends with him for many years...he came to my wedding. In fact, he and his then girlfriend had a baby last year. I was invited to the baby naming, which was nice. With MIL ill, I took the Lad as my "date". Wouldn't you know it, Ike had the baby naming turned into a wedding. It was lovely, but we did not have a gift for the bride, just the baby. Oh well!

That is pretty much all that I can think of right now. I think I need sleep. I have been up since five, though I did not get out of bed until six. What was the point? I may have to start writing then. Maybe I can get better thought flow.

Ciao!

A bit of a "Fucking" story

I am so back. My uncle sent me an email with some comments and an article in the British press. Apparently, in Austria, near Salzburg, is a town called "Fucking". Apparently, British tourists come with socket wrenches and cameras to steal the "Fucking" signs and the Nazi, er Austrian cops are none too pleased.

They will tell you that the Germans do not steal the "Fucking" signs. Nor do the Americans. The Americans are all pansy assed about living the Sound of Music dream by running through the hills near Salzburg....instead of fucking around with "Fucking" signs.

Perhaps, it is just that the English like a good "Fucking". I mean, who can blame them. There are many times in a day, most of it actually, where I think that I would rather be Fucking.

Now, for a moment, picture yourself living in a town called Fucking. Would that make you a Fucker? The town matriarch would have to be known as Mother Fucker, would she not? Hear the town cry..."Fucking is the best!" How true it is (then again, a good blow job is always nice and to quote the late Richard Jeni...a blow job is the best. It is sex without work.)

Picture living in town. You are the Fucking doctor or the Fucking lawyer or Fucking garbageman. Whatever you do the best adjective to describe it is...."Fucking". How cool is that?

It is pretty cool and funny as I do not fucking live there and have to hear about it.

Ciao! Have a Fucking nice day!

Where are they now?

I am back. I was all excited about an idea I had. It is a game. I will mention a name and I expect somebody, anybody, to tell me "where are they now?". So I will dredge up a name and you tell me where they are now.

1. Irv Powell

2. Doug Queen (and his identical twin brother, too)

3. Martin Katzman

4. George Kubes

5. Madame X

6. A-Ha

7. Dead or Alive

8. Tina Yothers

9. Nolan Johannes

10. Fuck it, I am bored with this game. I do want to know what has happened to Irv Powell, though.

Have a super weekend, one and all. Ciao!

Okay, I am a hypocrite. I can live with that.

I am back. I am a fucking hypocrite but I can live with it. Just today, I pull up along side a black Corolla. The young, blond feminita was driving, eating an apple and talking on her cell phone. I thought "What a multi-tasker! How safe is that?"

This is of course said by the guy who is driving and writing this all down.

How safe indeed!

Hodge Podge Lodge Dodge....enough with the rhyming

I am back. It is a bit of a hodge podge of shit today.

Sad...Jerry Reed died. He was "The Snowman" of the Smokey and the Bandit films and a country song writer (rather accomplished). He was also the "mean" coach in Adam Sandler's "The Waterboy". He sure did not treat Bobby Boucher with respect. Of course, "little girls are the debil" or so says Mama.

Happy....Clap this goes out to you. An early "happy birthday" to the man, the dean of wild. It is a wonder, with his penchant for hard living, that he made it to 30, let alone his present age.

Apathy......The Leafs traded Bryan McCabe. I should be happy, but I am wildly apathetic. He should have never been signed to the deal he received. That was a big mistake but there were many under JF Ferguson Junior. Yet, I admire the fact that he was a stand up guy (Ferguson), it is the deals he signed which showed him to be lacking in terms of cap management, which is sadly a great skill now (it is the combination of talent and money decisions, so things are not based on talent alone, like in the NBA).

I would go on about my weekend but I was in New Orleans...just kidding. There was some beautiful weather we had around these parts. Summer ends and then there is no rain. What can you do?

Ciao!

A short post

I am back. Just wanted to wish one and all a very happy back to school day tomorrow. It is hard to believe the summer holiday is done for 2008, but that is how it is. I guess things get back to their new normal tomorrow.

Ciao!