A gross Turkey Day post

I am back. I am glad that the title got your attention. It will be gross, I promise. First things first, though. A very happy Thanksgiving to all of my American friends and those who I am not friends with, except for that dude in Pensacola (he knows who he is), he can continue to go fuck himself. Fucking asshole!

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, let me begin with the unpleasantness. Believe me, I toyed with writing about this as I think it is truly sick, but it is true and real. Remember, reality is sometimes a sick, dirty and gross thing. It is kind of like child birth. I am telling you, that it is pretty gross (unless you are one of those "earthy, hippie-types" who does not believe in bathing and enjoy basting in your own "natural" juices--I do not roll that way).

The Wife likes beets. I am kind of on the fence with them (along with Brussels sprouts). She makes them well, in that she roasts them, which enhances their sweetness (and their earthiness, there is that "earthy" word again, as well). She made beets on Tuesday evening before I played basketball. If you know anything about beets, it is that they are stains waiting to happen.

The Lad eats a beet and his tongue is a bright red. I can only assume it was the beets and not like that before, but I am not sure. After playing basketball, I come home and take a shower. I take a piss, really I left it since I was not taking it anywhere, and it has a reddish tint to it. Odd, but not that odd.

The next morning, I go for my daily (or twice daily or more) dump. I have to tell you that I do not know from constipation. I am beyond regular. Apparently, the Lad and my two youngest nephews take after me. My brother may as well, too, but this is one of those things I do not discuss. I just write this shit, ooops, perhaps not the best choice of words (or maybe it was). Anyway, I do my business and look in the bowl. The water, in the midst of the mess, is all red!

What the fuck!??? Has my colon exploded? I would hope if that were the case, I would feel something amiss in my gut (or butt). Nothing. Then, I recall the beets from about 12 hours earlier. So obviously the beet pigment, that red, just passes right through me (I can only surmise that it would do the same with all of you out there in the ethers). Damn.

The last time I recall something like that was back in the mid-90s. Two things, a cereal called Kaboom (it was General Mills cereal in the same vein as Count Chocula, Franken Berry and Boo Berry, never a fan of the simulated fruit flavors, though I do LOVE Count Chocula--his cereal is pretty good, too) and some drink with skeletons and bizarre ingredients did a similar turn to me. The Kaboom, like the good count, had the same cereal pellets, for lack of a better word, and dessicated mini-marshmallows. Instead of being brown (Count Chocula), pink (Franken Berry) or light blue (Boo Berry), Kaboom was blue with yellow and green flecks. I would eat it and my dumps would be decidedly blue.

The drink, Skeleteens, was purchased on the basis of the bottle (skeletons) and my love for all things "bones", so I chose the blue one. My piss was blue, too, afterwards. The shot of ginseng in it was what got me. It was like an "energy" drink, like Red Bull, before the category exploded (thank you Starbucks for the hyper-caffeinated society we have became and the Crash it has inevitably caused, that my dear friends is a story for another day).

Anyway, enough of the scatological post. I did tell you it was a gross Turkey Day post, though. Enjoy your meal, now, but for fuck's sake, wash your hands first. I mean, go now, wash those hands!

Ciao!