Say goodnight to the bad year

I am back. This is a final post for 2008, see ya and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out. That is done, we can begin fresh. The slate has been wiped clean (again). It is onward and upward.

It is getting to be that time when I must take my leave and numb the existential pain with the drink. I think that I will drink modestly this evening. I will be my witty and charming self.

Enough about me. I want to wish all of you out there a happy and healthy new year, to you and yours from me and mine! Ciao!

Reflect on a year passed

I am back. This is sort of a year end round up, with neither a round up or year end. Really, we put the "year" into play. In reality, it only exists because we have found a way to make sense of the world, or just mark time, by using it. It does not exist apart from us. It is us and we are it. We are at one with the year.

What the fuck am I talking about?!!! This was a challenging year. The challenges were different from the year before, which had its challenges as well. We are older, and hopefully, wiser. The challenges continue, but we shall come out the other side, stronger.

Cryptic?? You betcha! It is another time to reflect and reflect, I am doing. Tomorrow, it is time to start getting ready for the New Year and time for me to take it on!

Ciao!

Post Holiday Unfunnies

I am back. Hope you all had amazing holidays, bitches! After all that snow, we had a thaw. It was a nice, warm, foggy weekend. The December/Christmas fog is especially creepy/festive when you add the Rudolf factor (or is that Rudolph?). You know the reindeer with the nuclear red nose.....he actually killed Santa with his radioactive nose. Santa died of radiation poisoning, just like Madame Curie. Betcha didn't know that, but don't spoil it for the kiddies.

I just got called for dinner, so I will have to make this one brief........

That sums it up for now. Ciao!

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

I am back. Let me say Merry Christmas to those out there who celebrate. Apparently, NORAD is tracking Santa Claus, like a fucking ICBM. They are prepared to shoot him down, apparently. With his beard, he looks a bit too much like Osama bin Laden (where is he? dead or alive?). Pity, poor Santy.

The Lad made a valid point. Santa is a feminine form of saint. Should he not be known as Santo Claus? Just a thought, provided by the Lad.

I got to spend the better part of this morning....shoveling. The big problem this time was that the temperature had/has climbed. We now have some rain and fog. The snow was fucking heavy. It seemed to take forever to shovel out. Then the fucking snowplow came, did our street and piled more shit up at the end of my driveway. Fucking jerkweed City.

During the municipal elections, the local dick stood on my lawn and told me about "value" for my tax dollars. It looks like they bought new snow removal equipment. The old ones allowed them to lift the plow for driveways, leaving little snow in front of the driveways. Not these new ones, though. I am hard pressed to figure out how I am receiving better "value" when I am paying more and getting a lesser service.

The fun will come on Friday when they have to figure out how to take my big ass extra large blue bin and get over the foot wide snow patch between the curb and street. It has been a well thought out, integrated system. Love the leaders (that term is used so loosely) of this city. The only thing worse is the dumbass citizens who vote in these useless sacks of shit every three or four years. Baaaaah! Baaaaah! Bunch of fucking sheep!

Well, a Christmas rant, who would have thought that.

Have a Merry one or drunken one, which ever you prefer. Ciao!

Have Shovel Will Travel

I am back. I did survive the weekend (obviously since I posted yesterday...then again, I could have set it up to post in the future.....if that is indeed the case, then I am posting this in the past, so it is like I am able to travel back in time,.......in my fucking DeLorean). I got to do a fair bit of shoveling, driving and more shoveling.

It is looking like a white Christmas, just like last year. I am hoping we can break the snowfall record, then do it all again for rain in the summertime. I actually had to mow the lawn this summer. With all that rain, it could do nothing but grow. The summer before last, with little rain, the grass shuts down, turns brown and I can "mow" it by tossing a lit match on it. I then cook some marshmallows. It is a whole lot of fun...burning your front lawn. The firefighters actually get into the party spirit as they tend to arrive in full uniform. It is cool.

So, it was a shovel-tastic weekend. Shoveled out on Friday, shovel the new snow Saturday and Sunday, and then to top it off, shovel my aunt out of my mother's driveway. It is a boring story, but I could not have my 71 year old mother or my 75 year old aunt shovel themselves out of the driveway, so I did it. I am such a good person!

I did read a story where a Saudi court has denied a divorce to a girl who is 8 years old. In their infinite wisdom (sic)(it was an arranged marriage), according to Saudi judges, she was capable of entering (or have her father enter her into) a marriage but not capable of choosing a divorce. Boggles the mind. Love the Arab hypochrisy, they are so damn good at it.

So, let me get this straight....in Saudi Arabia, pedophilia can be condoned, but a minor divorcing is not okay. Fuck, I am not sure whether to scream....or move there.

Well, have a good evening. Ciao!

Swiffer, my new lover

I am back. Have any of you seen the Swiffer commercial with the mop/broom sending flowers/candy to their former owners with "Baby Come Back" playing in the background? The mop/broom is lurking near the door while she deals with the delivery dude.

That commercial creeps me out on so many fucking levels. On the one hand, the stalker mop/broom image really bothers me for some reason. It must have been when an old broom of ours would not go away. The fucking thing could not take the hint (being pitched in the trash) and kept coming back.

The second level is the use of "romantic" music and gifts (flowers and candy). Was there something "improper" about the level of intimacy between the woman and her mop/broom? Has her broom handle been replaced by a thicker, silicone, vibrating dildo? I just need to know (witnessing a demonstration may be cool, too). That level of intimacy between woman and her mop is too much for me. Has she ridden it for all it was worth? Will the Swiffer do her as good? Inquiring minds (or in this case, small minds) want, nay need, to know.

All I can say is given those two creep factors, you can tell P&G, the Madman's house will not be using Swiffers. I do not need the competition.

Ciao!

Just checking in, the return

I am back. Guess what, we have snow. A lot of snow. Cold, blowing fucking snow. Apparently, this is the beginning. We have another 30 cm to look forward to on Sunday. It will be my shoveling paradise. Whooo-hoooo!

It did not stop me from doing anything today. I felt like a bit of a moron driving places, but it was fine and a bit of fun, actually. I really do enjoy driving in this stuff. I get a kick out of it. It is winter and it is Canada. This is what it is. Deal with it.

The Lad, finished school, is sleeping at his friend's house tonight. We have dinner with my brother in law and his girlfriend tonight. At least it is here, then again, it has not been anywhere but here. Tonight, I am pleased about that. Who knows how long they will stay, but they are coming here, separately, by subway. They will have to "hoof" it through the snow to get back to the station, though.

Have a great weekend! I will post if the mood should strike. Ciao!

Yo! Yo! Yo!

I am back, bitches! It appears another winter weather system, read snow and freezing rain, is headed our way. This is all that the news weathermen have been talking about. "Snowageddon" is what they are saying.

Unfortunately, it may come to pass. Fancy that, a snowstorm in mid to late December in Toronto. Who ever heard of such a thing? Come on people, it is the fucking weather. Deal with it! The only way to deal with it is be prepared and get ready for some shoveling. I do feel bad for anybody who is supposed to fly out of here tomorrow, their plans may be screwed.

I had that happen to me once back in 1990. I was supposed to fly out in the early afternoon on a Thursday in February to Chicago. I got a call from my buddy the night before saying there may be an issue as Chicago got hit with a snowstorm and it was headed to Toronto. It did hit and I spent the day having my flight pushed back and hanging around. The flight was eventually canceled and I got out on delayed flight Friday afternoon.

This did lead to weekend of heavy drinking and frivolity. All I can say is that El Jardin makes awesome fishbowl sized Margaritas. Tony Bennett may have left his heart in San Francisco, but the Well Adjusted Madman left his shrimp fajitas on Belmont Avenue in Chicago. The funniest part is that they had the same texture coming up as they did going down.

After that I was fine and ready to continue the party. The worst part is that because I did not get out on the Thursday, I missed the opportunity to see the Blackhawks play in the old Chicago Stadium against the Toronto Maple Leafs.

That is why you just deal with the weather as you do not control it.

Ciao!

Loots or stool by any other name

I am back. I just noticed something....In our area, there is a store, though it is moving, called "Loots". They sold children's party supplies and held parties in the back (or so they said). They had all kinds of cheap candy and stuff. It was kind of neat, in a bit of a nostalgic sort of way.

I was just looking at the name "LOOTS" and realized that it is "STOOL" spelled backwards. Since they sold, "shit", the name seems rather appropriate.

Just a thought for this Tuesday. Ciao!

Happy Friday, bitches!

I am back. I intended to post yesterday and shit happens so I did not do it. Deal with it, okay?

There is not a lot in the news. I mean you do have a wicked cholera outbreak in Zimbabwe. That only adds to the piss poor economic and political situation they are in. Did you know that inflation was so great there that they had to issue a BILLION dollar bill. Nothing like spending a billion dollars on a loaf of bread, er corn mush. Then again with a billion dollars you could get controlling interest of a car company. Now, that is something to own.

Ahhhhh. I got nothing right now and my mind is wandering incoherently. It will get me to where I need to go but there is no point in me chronicling it all. Going to run. Have a super weekend, bitches. Ciao!

Not sure where this is going

I am back. Bastard Blogger computer glitch would not let me post, when I wanted to post, yesterday. I guess that is okay. I mean there was nothing that I could do about it, so I will get over it. I just hate it when my mind is semi-fertile and I cannot get that "shit" out of my brain. It is now lost....perhaps, forever.

Well, here we have the governor of Illinois looking to "sell" Barack Obama's Senate seat. See, he is still a senator but must give up that position once he takes office on January 20th. That is also why Joe Lieberman returned to the senate after losing as the VP candidate in the 2000 election and John McCain remains a Senator. Once there is a vacancy, which there will be in New York when Hilary Clinton is confirmed as Secretary of State, the governor of the state appoints a person to fill the seat for 2 years. Then there is an election in the normal course of Senate and Congressional (mid-term) elections (in 2010).

Anyway, the Illinois governor has allegedly been caught on tape stating that he is looking to make money from this appointment. Of course, he succeeded a man who is serving time on corruption charges while governor of Illinois. This is also the state that houses Chicago and its old mayor, Daley, who was able to get the dead to vote of John Kennedy in 1960 (which is the reason that Kennedy defeated Nixon, I might add).

It boggles the mind. If the political class, and I use that term loosely, is concerned about a cynical populace, this does not help. In fact, it shows why people really dislike and distrust their political leaders. At a time when doing the right thing should be the rule, here is a dipshit trying to profit from his office at the expense of the people. A king would be better than this dumbfuck (or smart fuck if he got away with it and took the FBI's statements of wiretaps seriously).

It just makes my head spin. There are no accusations of a similar situation in New York, though. Also, Obama had nothing to do with it, though he may have made a recommendation or two. It is a mess within a mess, but at least it is a diversion from the Detroit woes.

Now, what to do about the North American automakers. Bankruptcy for any but Chrysler, could be a disaster with a cascade of shit hitting the parts manufacturers and even hurting Honda and Toyota here as a bankrupt company can "stiff" its creditors (parts manufacturers) who would really feel the pain. Then again, can those who got the companies into this mess be the one's trusted to get them out of it.

There is no easy answer. There is merely lessons that were not learned, obviously. Then again, I am not sure how much help the unions (UAW and CAW) have actually been. They will have to be part of the solution, whatever that is.

Heady issues for somebody like me. One day this will all be over, when that day is I do not know. Ciao!

28 Years Ago Today, John Lennon Died

I am back. It was 28 years ago today, a Monday, at about 11:30pm, that John Lennon was shot and killed in front of The Dakota in New York. It is crazy to think he has been gone for 28 years and that his last album was that half-assed "Double Fantasy" (but you cannot change that).

That was a pretty shocking night. I will tell you that. On a happier note, though, less than a week later, or was it 8 days later, I would lose my virginity. It was careless of me to lose it, though I think that it was lost in the condom. I wanted to fuck, not be a daddy. (That has always been my personal motto--I think I have to get tee shirts printed up with that motto).

Now, because of all this, fucking will always be tied into John Lennon's death for me. I always shed a tear when I cum while fucking. The in-out action reminds me of John Lennon's untimely passing. So there you now know, I cry when I blow my load, but only while fucking.

Chicks have always thought me to be sensitive for that, little do they know. Then again, maybe they think I am gay. Oh well. Please remember to keep the secret. I cannot have my style be cramped.

Just remember that for next time, chicks dig it when you shed a tear when you cum. They think it is about them. Think of John Lennon, shed that tear and you will be a hero. And maybe next time you can give your lady friend the old "Dirty Sanchez".

Ciao!

About Sunny von Bulow and a trip down solipsism lane

I am back. I see that Sunny von Bulow died. She has been in a coma for 28 years. She, or her husband, was the subject of that late 80's movie, "Reversal of Fortune" with Glenn Close and Jeremy Irons. Claus von Bulow, played by Jeremy Irons, is accused of trying to kill his wife, Sunny, by injecting her with insulin. She does not die, but is in a coma (where she obviously remained for 28 years--a good outcome for her, her children and everybody involved, right?).

The part that I found interesting was that since seeing the movie, YEARS AGO, I did not give this woman a single thought. Yet, there she has been for lo' these past 28 years, clinging to her coma. That is commitment. I could never commit to a coma for that long.

The part that I found interesting is that she did not exist, at least in my world or mind, all this time. Yet, she was a real person with a family that had to deal with her being in a coma for 28 years, neither dead nor really alive. That is a pretty sad way to be, though it is not unsimilar to watching FIL progress (regress?) during his Alzheimer's slide.

I am not trying to depress here. In fact, I do not see it as sad, though it is. I see it as one of a myriad of possible outcomes. You get what you get. It has proven true in life and will continue to prove true. The world, or life, may just be series of random events with no driving connection, except YOU, or me. It would depend upon whom is creating and telling the narrative. That is what I find interesting--same series of events but different connection to the events equals a different narrative. It is pretty cool, when I think about it.

Ponder that one for a second and let you mind wander on the magnamity of it all. We all see the same things BUT cannot tell the same story. How cool is that revelation?

Now, the question really is...what good is that knowledge and who really gives a shit?!

So, much for me passing off "highbrow" thought, which really now is big forehead thought. The Lad has the right idea, bangs and do not show that you have a forehead. I was once like that, but it seemed to stop in either the late 80s or early 90s. Either way, things have never been the same. Pity, he will suffer the same fate (thankfully it is superficial, but I am a superficial guy).

It is sort of snowing in these parts today. I did the last of my "fall" raking (though it is still fall until around December 21) today, before the "heavy" stuff started to fall. The backyard is done, which is something that did not occur last year. The snow fell heavy and stayed before I could get around to raking the backyard. That was kind of funny.

Enjoy the weekend, folks. Ciao!

Assault with a Cheeseburger????

I am back. Wanted to shout a belated happy birthday to JLC. There that bit of housekeeping is out of the way.

Just to remind you that we live in an age of stupidity, or maybe it has always been so, a Vero Beach man has been charged with assaulting his girlfriend with a cheeseburger. They had a fight and she threw her McDonald's soda out of the car window and he smashed his cheeseburger in her face, just like Jimmy Cagney did with the grapefruit in some movie (it was a famous scene).
Okay, he also gave her another cheeseburger facewash when they got out of the car.

I hit to giggle, but it is funny in an absurd sort of way. Giving your girlfriend/wife a cheeseburger facewash sounds like a funny thing to do. I know the Wife would not see the humor in it, but it does not mean that it is not funny. Just picture the scene and tell me that it is not funny.

What if it had been a weiner? Does that make it funnier? Or does that become more "porn" like? Then she tries to swallow it whole.....now that is porn like.

Again, this is what happens when you eat McDonald's, just like in Super Size Me, only more "assaulty".

That is it for today. Ciao!

Did Jesus like fish?

I am back. I was driving today when I noticed that the car in front of me had one of those Jesus fish things affixed to the trunk. I have a couple of questions about that.

1. What is the purpose of that? What are you trying to show and why do you feel the need to affix a fish to your car to show it?

2. How did this shit begin? Were pioneers on covered wagons burning fish shapes into the back of their wagons?

3. How does the fish represent Jesus? Why choose the "lowest" of the vertebrae? Why not a Jesus seahorse or squid? That reminds me, I may saute some Jesus calamari for dinner, doesn't that sound scrumptious?

4. How can believe I actually used the word "scrumptious"?

5. If there are plenty of fish in the sea, though obviously not as many cod as there once were, does that mean there are many messiahs (false or not, that is between you and your Lord) in the sea, too?

I did a turn of the Internets for that question. It was all blah, blah, blah. Then I found something interesting. Apparently, the fish symbol has been used for millennia as religious symbol for the Pagan Great Mother Goddess and it is the outline of her vulva. There you have it, if it looks like a fish and smells like a fish, it is obviously the Pagan Great Mother Goddess's pussy.

I am finding it all so confusing. Ciao!

Basketball funnies

I am back. What a weekend that was! A pretty nice Saturday, followed by a Sunday that turned exceedingly grey. As we waited for the winter storm that wasn't, we did get to go out in a bit of a slush storm. Slush was falling from the sky. Fortunately, it was not like the street slush, all brown and dirty. This was fresh slush, without the added benefit of added street crap. It was pristine slush, that felt great landing on my head and slowly melting, causing a cold water drip to run down my back.

There is nothing better in a time of uncertain weather to add cold to the mix. This leaves us with "do we get rain, snow or something that runs in between or changes from rain to snow"? All I know is that it will be whatever is the least wanted.

The Lad's basketball game on Saturday was interesting. We should have won, but we we only had 7 players. The triple shifting was getting to our players. Besides, we could not "hide" some of the weaker players with only seven. We blew a big lead but managed a tie.

The Lad played pretty well. He did his rebounding thing and scored a couple of baskets. The refs were inconsistent and that was driving me crazy. One was making calls and the other was useless. There were double and triple teams not called. The Lad got smacked a few times while shooting with no call being made.

The Lad did exact a measure of revenge. He creamed one of their players while shooting, sending him crashing into a row of benches. He was so proud of himself. Sadly, I was as well. He shed his passive nature and showed some good aggression. Now, if he will continue that bit of nastiness in his play, time will tell. I am trying to get him to play that way, though. He does not have to put up with the abuse under the boards. If he has to take it, he may as well dish some out as well.

We will see how we do when we have a full team on Saturday. I think 8 to 10 players is ideal. 10 gives us two "lines" that can be made pretty even. 8 and 9 allow us to double shift the better players, so that works for me. 11 is a pain because we have to double shift players off and I do not like to do that with our better players. What can you do?

I do have to speak with the convener regarding what constitutes a double team. I had words with the better of the two refs from the last game. Keep in mind that they are high school students, so there was no yelling on my part. My mediation/negotiation skills really do come in handy. I maintain my composure and listen. Anyway, he explained his interpretation of the rule and I had to disagree on part of it (as I said it, I realized he was the dude with the whistle, so my opinion did not matter and I said that--he smiled and agreed). I need to have that clarified so I understand and then impress upon him to tell his refs how to call it.

Well, that is about all for me today. Ciao!