Happy Mother's Day--how about a bag of rats for mom

I am back. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there reading this.....all of zero is my guess. In that case, I will extend the HMD greeting to all those mother fuckers out there. That may reach more of you.


I could go on about the capture and kill of Osama bin Laden. That would be obvious and timely. Not me, though. I had a story to tell last month that I never got around to telling. That is more important. In fact, in the end, you will see that it really is one and the same, so, I am going with my experience over OBL's death, for now.


I do recall telling y'all about our various critter issues. Again, I am postponing the talk of psychotic women, but that story seems to continue and go on, so I can come back to it later. Anyway, back in 2006, we had those rat troubles and then the mice in 2007, 2009 and 2010. I do not like it, but what else can I do, except bait and set out traps and then clean the traps?

Well, it was before Passover, in fact, a week before, or so. It was Sunday April 10th to be exact. We were going to my mother's for dinner and the Lad had some friends over. They were in the basement and saw something, smallish, run into the enclosed area under our basement stairs that we have come to refer to as the rat room. Oh fuck, not this again.

Fortunately (?), I had some extra mouse traps, so I baited and set a trap. I check each morning and come down at 6 on Tuesday morning to find that I have to clean the trap. Actually, at $1.50/trap, I throw them out with the critter. I place the things in a plastic bag and into the garbage it goes. I set another trap that morning.

I come home to find the Wife and Lad on the driveway playing basketball. The Lad asks if I caught anything and I go to the garbage and show him the bag. With the sun from behind me, the Wife sees the tail and kind of freaks out. I go into the house, go downstairs and see that I have caught another. Outside I go with it, to place it in the same bag. I now have a dedicated dead rodent bag. Sweet! I am also out of traps, so the Wife has to pick up some more on Wednesday.

I set another trap on the Wednesday and notice the next morning that the bait is gone, but the trap has not snapped. I rebait and wait. Thursday, it the same story. This time I did not rebait. Friday morning, the Wife is in the kitchen and hears a noise in the basement and freaks. I go down to find the unbaited trap had done the job. I start a new bag and set another trap. The Wife is now in full freak mode. We call a recommended exterminator to come have a look and he is to arrive that afternoon.

I go out to do some work and happen to be passing by our street when the Wife calls to me that the guy is there. I figure I will show up and chat with him. What a nice guy. I see him coming out with my trap and another dead critter. I tell him not to show the Wife. He also tells me that he is not sure that these are mice. They are a little too big and more to the brown than the grey but they do have some fur on their tails, which is un-rat like. He is now thinking it is some sort of mad hybrid.

Long story short of this day, he cleans the rat room and we get rid of a lot of shit that was in there. All of a sudden, the basement does not smell as bad. He sets a number of mice and rat traps and puts them into the rat room. He figures that they feel safe in there, so the traps can go anywhere in the rat room. He tells me that he sees some wood that has been gnawed through, so he needs to get his "skinny guy" in there to seal it off with steel. Besides, this skinny guy has a poor sense of smell, so he will not mind being in the rat room. Meanwhile, I have paid $350 to have the rat room cleaned out (money well spent) with the use of the traps for free. He is coming on Saturday.

Saturday comes and I get a call from the dude. He figures that if the rats, that is what we are now talking about, are there, we should try to catch, kill them all so that they do not try to gnaw their way out. I agree. Then he says, "I need you to check on the traps for me, clean them and reset them if necessary." Fuck! I did not sign up for that. I check and see three dead little rats in the mouse traps. I look again and find a fourth. There I am, in a driving rain, opening traps to dump little rat bodies into the bag I started yesterday. I now have a bag of 6 dead, but small rats--ratlings?.

I reset the traps and realize that I cannot wait for Sunday morning. The anticipation is killing me. Well, Sunday comes and I got me a big one in one of the rat traps. Oooweee! I am hoping that is the end of it. As I check each morning, there has been no activity. The dude is supposed to come on Good Friday but cancels. Later, perhaps on the Saturday, during Passover, I am cleaning another small one--a new bag of rats is started. I then catch another 2 big ones, especially after the Lad hears some banging of the bathtub in the basement bathroom. Lovely.

Well, it seems to be contained. Anyway, the dude and skinny guy arrive last Sunday and do their thing. Apparently, the basement and bathtub are not on a concrete floor but wood planks on dirt. These fucking rats have tunnelled through the dirt and gnawed on the wood and made their way in. That is that for now. Skinny guy was not skinny enough to get past the six inch opening, so he did his best with just his arm.

Now, there are some traps set and I have to wash down the walls with bleach to get rid of some of that smell. I also have collected far too many rats for my liking (one is too many). I do now have the gift for the mother who has everything.....a bag of rats. Mom will love it!

Ciao!