Do I ramble?

I am back. It is not quite as hot and muggy as it was yesterday. It has been more cloudy and smoggy, which has kept the direct sunlight away. It is obviously heating and stirring the toxic cloud above us here, but there should be some comfort breathing air that you can see. That is my take on it. It is better than the breathing in the cloud of death and watching people just collapse and die on the sidewalk. Come to think of it, that really does sound like the plot of a Stephen King novel (Maximum Overdrive, perhaps?).

I caught "Last Comic Standing" on NBC last night. I was not really impressed. Then again, the show is in the editing so....but there appeared to be no Alonzo Bowdens or Rich Vos, Gary Gulman type of personalities. I do not really know.

I had a friend, who became something less than a friend, who gave up his dental practice for stand up comedy. In high school, he was funny but more in the vein of nasty put downs. It became pretty clear that he was a "negative" personality and after a few years that really did not sit well with me. I basically just backed away from him when we were in university, about the time that he came out, to me. I swear it was the timing, not any homophobic tendencies on my part. I found he just drained my energy (not sexually or physically), he was one of those people who just talked and talked but said little. It was thousands of inane questions or obvious observations.

I recall being out with him and another friend and finally had enough. I turned to him and said,
"E. Do you ever shut up?" Funny thing is that he did not shut up so that answered my question. I guess "shut the fuck up!" would have been more to the point. He was flexible though. He once, in the back seat of my fathers four door large North American automobile, put both of his legs behind his head (I guess he would make some other gay dude very happy, or suck his own dick and never leave the house). I whipped into a turn hoping the back door would open (before child safety locks) and he would roll out of the car with his legs behind his head. No such luck, though he did end up like a pretzel on the floor of the car.

Anyway, he killed himself about eight years ago. Apparently, he and his boyfriend of 12 or so years were in the midst of a "bad" breakup. He was so "sensitive" that he could not cause pain so he gave up dentistry. He was so "sensitive" that he had no trouble putting down others but could not take the same treatment. That was what drove me crazy about him, was that he tried to use guilt (which I rarely feel, so it is a useless tool on me) to be treated "better". I am a guy, we tend to treat people shabbily, it is nothing personal. He was like a "girl" in that way, and that was something I did not stand for in my lady friends. He was so "sensitive" that he killed himself, videoed it with his video suicide note to his boyfriend (ex), leaving his body and tape to be found by his (ex) paramour. That was sensitive and a "fuck you" suicide. As I said, he was negative.

My only regret is that I never had the chance, or took the chance, to tell him that I did not want to hang with him because I found him negative. I did not care that he was gay. But, how do you tell somebody that, least of all when they are dead? I mean who feels better about it, me, I guess, him, not a chance. So I guess it is best that he never heard that truth.

I apologize for this posting. It was short on the funny but long on the self-indulgent. Then again, this blog is in an exercise in self-indulgence, so I guess you get what you pay for. Ciao!